Journalation

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Rachyl and Meegan have both touted the success of their respective journals, putting thoughts, events, evil plots - er, I mean wonderful ideas - down... I figured it might be something I could try.

At least til I can tell Nyra more...

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I woke up to the knocking. It wasn't so bad, it was only a few minutes before my alarm would have activated anyway. I knew Nyra wouldn't knock, so I quick threw a robe around my naked self and rubbed the sleep from my eyes before opening the door.

Apparently the rather old delivery man had several boxes and a couple bags, all deliveries for a 'Miss Nyra McGurn, care of Gothic-Ah'... I hadn't realized she'd gone shopping, or if she had, I just forgot.

I stepped aside and let the gentleman bring in his parcels, which I stacked near the sliding door. I didn't know where she'd want them to go, so I figured she could decide.

When he was finally gone, I showered and dressed.

Clomping up to the office, I plopped into my chair and looked at the pile of finished albums. "Almost ready," I said to myself... But as someone in the office joked - er, at work, that is - "almost only counts in horseshoes, hand grenades, and global thermonuclear war."

Then my phone rang.

Two hundred plus years and I've never understood why people can't leave well enough alone. If I tell you that I'm leaving something til the next day because I'll get to it when I get to it, don't take it upon yourself to do MY work! Now, I get to go into work and fix it, but I'm taking my time and going in as I normally would.

I didn't want to miss Nyra when she came home... but maybe if I go in early, I can leave early...

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Two hundred fifty two...

I don't feel it.

Every morning - evening - afternoon - whatever time it is that I wake up next to Nyra, I'm only reminded at how young I actually am. She brings a sunshine to my life that I've not been able to safely partake of in two hundred thirty years.

I wonder if she'll ever be able to fully understand how much I appreciate that of her, and how lucky I feel to know and love her...

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It's my birthday tonight. July Twelfth. I'm older than I feel, older than I look. But then, aren't most of us?

I'd made myself so nervous over the past few months, what with getting the photographs into the house with minimal issue - let alone exposure or damage - and planning out the album orders and contents... I don't think I took time to determine my feelings, or the reactions to what I needed to say.

Her silence and lack of acceptance was... disheartening. If I were in her position, I too would probably decline to see past the coincidences and dwell on the logical reasons. Though, I admit, I have neither Nyra's lack of experience nor wholesome innocence.

And as I climbed down the stairs into the parking garage, I wept a little for the irreparable damage I did to her.

We could have been happy, she and I, for a few years at least. And then the questions would start. Why doesn't my hair grow back? Why don't I have wrinkles? Why don't my nails grow longer than 'very short?' Why don't I get sick?

I still believe, deep in my heart, that attempting to explain everything now, instead of later, was the better course of action.

I haven't been back home since I left.

I drove The Strip, weaved in and out of the minimal traffic, which eventually became the non-existent late night traffic. You'd think in a city with the largest population of active vampires in the world - albeit even with our numbers totalling less than a thousand - there'd be more active night life. Then again, I did stay away from Club Eternity, and really didn't visit the Industrial District.

Though I could have stopped by Gothic-Ah; Rachyl has said Meegan has been staying late to finish the logistics on their maternity line, I don't think I was in the right frame of mind really to even begin to speak to her, best friends though we are.

I find it ironic that my best friend is a human. Well, not so much as I used to, back when I thought it ironic that the love of my life (all two hundred fifty two years of it) is human as well.

Humans make the world go around, that much is certain, and only at and above certain latitudes is it even a possibility to have as long a night as there is a day. And while my life is dependent on a few humans surviving...

My world revolves around her. I can't imagine spending the next two hundred fifty two years without her, though I know at some point she'll likely grow old and die. Perhaps that's why most vampires don't enter into completely committed relationships with humans... too painful, too messy.

The news that Rachyl and Meegan are trying to have a baby is wonderful, of course, and in my conversations with Meegan I voiced my regret that, were Nyra to ask the same thing, I would have done it for her in an instant, done it for us... But for that whole 'no longer human' thing.

I imagine the closest thing to 'having a child' that any vampire is able to lay claim to would be if he or she turned a human.

I don't even want to think about that at the moment.

I've fed, and that's a good thing... I was getting kind of 'peckish' and I should have realized last night, before going through all this, that I should have eaten. I didn't, though, and while I don't believe it clouded my judgement in any way, I also don't think I pondered all the possibilities before presenting Nyra with my photographs.

Darn, and here I thought I had some almost-decent alliteration going.

I drove to Washington. I know, it was early, but I suddenly wanted to take a few moonrise pictures of the DC, and a few sunrise photos of Nachton as I came back.

Gas is cheaper now, down to 2.98... I wonder if it'll go down more, what with the lack of hurricanes predicted for the summer. It'd be nice. The inner accountant in me screams in agony whenever I pay more than thirty bucks to fill my car.

I wonder if I shocked the attendant in Richmond, right off 95, when I climbed out of my car, still in my dinner dress... Certainly gave him a good memory, and I guess I can live with that.

But it's not the memories that I give other people that I really care about.

I only care about giving one person good memories... and I let her stay behind in Nachton.

I'm going back home, to be with the woman I love. If she wants to keep me, knowing what she does, then I'll do my best to keep her happy and let everything else be the same as it was... with just that little bit of extra information.

If she doesn't want to keep me... I'll fade out of her life.