Mathias sighed,running his fingers through his hair. He had known,feared really,that this night would come. He had lied to Shay about who he was and she deserved to at least know some of the truth,even if it meant they could never be together.
Kneeling before Shay,he took her hands in his. He was almost trembling and it took superhuman control to calm down. He was about to break the heart of the woman he loved and there would be no going back after this. He couldn't even look into her eyes right now,such was the shame and hurt he felt.
"Before I start - I love you Shay, with all my heart. My time with you has been the happiest I have ever known and I thank you for that. But you and I cannot be,not now...not after I tell you what I am. Beyond what I just said,the life I shared with you is a sham. My name is Alexei Novokov." He took a deep breath. A different name was no big deal,but this tidbit would most likely shatter Shay.
" I am a vampire. I was born in Constantinople in the Year Of Our Lord,Anno Domini Nine Ninety. I became one of the undead in Ten Seventeen,after falling in battle against barbarians. I have lived for over one thousand years. by knowing me,and by what I have just shared, your life is in danger and it will be best for us both if you forget you ever knew me."
He leaned back,unsure what else to say,searching Shay's face for any emotion whatsoever.
Later the NEXT night - after the ball.
The ride back to her place, from the ball, had been way too quiet. So quiet the only sounds were the car engine, their soft breaths, and Shay's heart beating...which was almost the loudest of all.
Shay was trying her damndest to get her emotions under control so she would be in a frame of mind to talk to Mathias, once they were inside the condo. That just meant she couldn't say anything in the mean time. Evidently Mathias had his own issues, or was doing a great imitation of concentrating on the road ahead.
Wracking her brain, Shay went over everything they had said to each other...tonight...last night...none of it made any sense. He'd shown her repeatedly, just how much he loved her...he'd even said the words...and she'd spoke them to him as well. So why did she just FEEL, no...KNOW...that tonight wasn't going to end well.
When he parked the car, she didn't wait for him to open her door. Instead she got out went directly inside, leaving the front door open. Kicking off her shoes, she curled up on the couch, and waited for him to enter.
"Mathias...please, sit down...and tell me what in heaven's name is going on."
She was far from angry...mostly just scared out of her mind with worry. But she managed to keep her wits, and though her eyes were pleading, her voice hadn't cracked.
Mathias
19 years ago
Shay
19 years ago
When he knelt down and took her hands, her heart dropped. This was it.
But the next words were wonderful! He did love her...he hadn't been lying...or misleading her. But then a look of confusion replaced the smile...he loved her but couldn't be with her? That was insanity.
She shook her head, squeezed his hands, and started to speak, and then heard his name.
"Alexei...Novokov?" Okay...that didn't make any sense either...why would he lie to her about his name. She didn't recognize it...so it wasn't like he was hiding something that would be revealed in her knowing his name.
She was about to tell him none of that mattered, when he paused to take a breath, and she realized there was more news coming. She leaned down so her elbows were resting on her thighs, and she was at eye level with him.
And just stared at him, when he continued on.
"That is so not funny..." She looked at him as if he were telling her some bizarre joke, and sat up again.
"Mathias...Alexei...I don't love your name. It can be Bozo the Clown yet you'd still be the man I love, inside.
But I don't understand why you are telling me this other stuff. Is it because I'm writing a book about vampires? Love...you are already so important to me...I don't need to have a reason to think you any more important...I can love you without you being a vampire."
Her words were said with a slightly teasing flavor...there was no way she believed he was doing anything more than joking with her. But such a strange joke.
She pulled her hands from his, and cupped his face.
"You say you love me, but we can't be together, and then you tell me this story about being a vampire..."
And then a memory caused all the blood to rush from her face, and her hand went to her neck. She got dizzy, but was able to maintain her focus on him.
"The morning after we made love that first time...there was a bruise on my neck...but no...teeth marks..."
She'd forgotten about it until now. But surely he hadn't bit her! Wouldn't she have felt something like that?!
"Did you bite me, Mathias?"
Suddenly frightened, Shay pulled away completely, and stood up. She waffled a bit, but then got her feet under her, and walked to the opposite side of the room. Whatever he said next, she felt certain would be a defining factor in their relationship...if there still was one.
And yet even still, mixed in with her fear, and her confusion, she couldn't remove the feeling of love for him.
But the next words were wonderful! He did love her...he hadn't been lying...or misleading her. But then a look of confusion replaced the smile...he loved her but couldn't be with her? That was insanity.
She shook her head, squeezed his hands, and started to speak, and then heard his name.
"Alexei...Novokov?" Okay...that didn't make any sense either...why would he lie to her about his name. She didn't recognize it...so it wasn't like he was hiding something that would be revealed in her knowing his name.
She was about to tell him none of that mattered, when he paused to take a breath, and she realized there was more news coming. She leaned down so her elbows were resting on her thighs, and she was at eye level with him.
And just stared at him, when he continued on.
"That is so not funny..." She looked at him as if he were telling her some bizarre joke, and sat up again.
"Mathias...Alexei...I don't love your name. It can be Bozo the Clown yet you'd still be the man I love, inside.
But I don't understand why you are telling me this other stuff. Is it because I'm writing a book about vampires? Love...you are already so important to me...I don't need to have a reason to think you any more important...I can love you without you being a vampire."
Her words were said with a slightly teasing flavor...there was no way she believed he was doing anything more than joking with her. But such a strange joke.
She pulled her hands from his, and cupped his face.
"You say you love me, but we can't be together, and then you tell me this story about being a vampire..."
And then a memory caused all the blood to rush from her face, and her hand went to her neck. She got dizzy, but was able to maintain her focus on him.
"The morning after we made love that first time...there was a bruise on my neck...but no...teeth marks..."
She'd forgotten about it until now. But surely he hadn't bit her! Wouldn't she have felt something like that?!
"Did you bite me, Mathias?"
Suddenly frightened, Shay pulled away completely, and stood up. She waffled a bit, but then got her feet under her, and walked to the opposite side of the room. Whatever he said next, she felt certain would be a defining factor in their relationship...if there still was one.
And yet even still, mixed in with her fear, and her confusion, she couldn't remove the feeling of love for him.
Mathias
19 years ago
He couldn't lie - no matter the cost,he owed her at least the truth. Mathias stood,facing Shay. He didn't look her in the eyes. He couldn't,for fear of what he might see there.
" I did. I was caught up in the heat of passion,and drank from you. I am sorry for that, I had no right to and I have regretted it since then." He didn't approach her. God forbid she recoil or worse,run away from him. When she yanked her hands away he almost howled with pain. More now would surely kill him.
"There are forces out there Shay,terrible dark things that would gladly use you to get to me or hurt me. I allowed myself to love once before - and she was taken cruelly from me. It took me more than a hundred years to recover. If something were to happen to you Shay...because of me,or because you know me..." He bit back tears,even imagining such a terrible thing. "I would greet the sun were that too happen."
He strode to the door,opening,but pausing before he stepped out. "As much as it hurts, as much as it will hurt - it is better for us both to move on. You deserve someone who can give you a life,can grow old with you. all I provide is a dowry of pain and loss. No - this is what is best for us.." He knew if he paused now, if he stopped or even gave her a kiss goodbye that his courage would waver and fail. He had to go and go now. " I love you Shay, always remember that."
and then he was gone.
((OOC - Mathias out))
" I did. I was caught up in the heat of passion,and drank from you. I am sorry for that, I had no right to and I have regretted it since then." He didn't approach her. God forbid she recoil or worse,run away from him. When she yanked her hands away he almost howled with pain. More now would surely kill him.
"There are forces out there Shay,terrible dark things that would gladly use you to get to me or hurt me. I allowed myself to love once before - and she was taken cruelly from me. It took me more than a hundred years to recover. If something were to happen to you Shay...because of me,or because you know me..." He bit back tears,even imagining such a terrible thing. "I would greet the sun were that too happen."
He strode to the door,opening,but pausing before he stepped out. "As much as it hurts, as much as it will hurt - it is better for us both to move on. You deserve someone who can give you a life,can grow old with you. all I provide is a dowry of pain and loss. No - this is what is best for us.." He knew if he paused now, if he stopped or even gave her a kiss goodbye that his courage would waver and fail. He had to go and go now. " I love you Shay, always remember that."
and then he was gone.
((OOC - Mathias out))
Shay
19 years ago
"NOOOO!"Â?
She cried out in pain...her heart and soul now feeling tortured to the point of destruction.
"Mathias..."Â?
She whispered, and began sobbing and keening, from where she'd crumpled onto the floor. Curling into a ball, as if it would offer her some protection, Shay spent the next hour or so completely oblivious to everything but the pain in her heart. The pain from where Mathias had ripped a hole, when he'd walked out the door.
Once she started wearing down, from exhaustion, as well as the feel of a horrendous headache building between her eyes, her mind started reliving the short time since she'd come to Nachton. Little by little things that once held no meaning, now began to explain so much.
And yet the main thought that kept running through her mind was that she was in love with a vampire, who was in love with her. Unfortunately, she had no idea what to do with that information.
When the cries had subsided to hiccups, Shay stood up and went into the bathroom to wash her face, and take some aspirin. She looked in the mirror, but then gave no care to the fact that she looked like death warmed over. Except the actual thought of that did elicit a small bitter smile...before she started crying again.
In her office was one piece of furniture Shay had received from her grandparents. It was an old rocking chair that she used to find peace in as a child. She walked over to it now, not bothering to turn on a light, and curled up in the chair.
As the chair rocked back and forth almost imperceptibly, Shay again began going through the events as they'd transpired, with Mathias. Too many things just didn't make sense, but he was gone...she had no one to ask questions of. Her knees under her chin, she wrapped her arms around her legs, and stared at the starry screensaver on her computer monitor.
Mathias...Alexei...Mathias, was a vampire. He had bitten her. Yet she had no evidence of it, other than the still fading bruise, and his admission. He said he'd gotten caught up in a moment of passion, and he'd been sorry. But that still didn't explain why she hadn't felt it. Had it been that she'd been so caught up in passion herself that the pain had paled to insignificance?
Through what research she'd accumulated so far, she was fairly certain she wouldn't be changed into a vampire herself, unless he'd drained her blood, and then allowed her to drink his. Though Shay doubted some of the things Anne Rice wrote about, several authors of vampire stories concurred on that point. And then there was the point that he slept most of the day, and only saw her in the evenings.
"Gah! What a fool I've been...here I'm writing a story, that I also happen to be LIVING, and still I didn't see it!"Â?
There had to be irony somewhere in all this. But Shay was too tired to try and find it.
Besides that, her priority was in trying to determine...did she really love Mathias? Of course she did. Even in all this, that was one thing she hadn't thought twice about; never doubted for a second.
He'd told her he'd loved before, and something had happened. So he had decided it was better for both of them to be apart. But he hadn't given her a choice in the matter! And, in her eyes, it wasn't better. She'd lived her whole life without him, and only felt REALLY happy this past week. It truly felt to her, as if a part of her had been missing, until she met him...and only recently had she been whole. But now she was back to being what she was before, AND now she knew the difference.
"I can't do it Mathias. I can't live without you."Â? As she spoke to the walls, the tears started, yet again.
But if she were to stay with him, she couldn't have the life she wanted either. She couldn't think of becoming...what he was...but to do less would doom them to a relationship of what? She'd continue to grow old...and he'd stay young and magnificent...and end up tiring of her anyway. She laughed bitterly at the picture of the two of them together when she was eighty, and he still appeared his current age. She knew that wouldn't happen.
Amidst a new round of tears, Shay eventually fell asleep. Her body knew she couldn't continue on in the vein she was, even if she didn't. It would be hours before she would awaken, and begin the journey of questions again.
She cried out in pain...her heart and soul now feeling tortured to the point of destruction.
"Mathias..."Â?
She whispered, and began sobbing and keening, from where she'd crumpled onto the floor. Curling into a ball, as if it would offer her some protection, Shay spent the next hour or so completely oblivious to everything but the pain in her heart. The pain from where Mathias had ripped a hole, when he'd walked out the door.
Once she started wearing down, from exhaustion, as well as the feel of a horrendous headache building between her eyes, her mind started reliving the short time since she'd come to Nachton. Little by little things that once held no meaning, now began to explain so much.
And yet the main thought that kept running through her mind was that she was in love with a vampire, who was in love with her. Unfortunately, she had no idea what to do with that information.
When the cries had subsided to hiccups, Shay stood up and went into the bathroom to wash her face, and take some aspirin. She looked in the mirror, but then gave no care to the fact that she looked like death warmed over. Except the actual thought of that did elicit a small bitter smile...before she started crying again.
In her office was one piece of furniture Shay had received from her grandparents. It was an old rocking chair that she used to find peace in as a child. She walked over to it now, not bothering to turn on a light, and curled up in the chair.
As the chair rocked back and forth almost imperceptibly, Shay again began going through the events as they'd transpired, with Mathias. Too many things just didn't make sense, but he was gone...she had no one to ask questions of. Her knees under her chin, she wrapped her arms around her legs, and stared at the starry screensaver on her computer monitor.
Mathias...Alexei...Mathias, was a vampire. He had bitten her. Yet she had no evidence of it, other than the still fading bruise, and his admission. He said he'd gotten caught up in a moment of passion, and he'd been sorry. But that still didn't explain why she hadn't felt it. Had it been that she'd been so caught up in passion herself that the pain had paled to insignificance?
Through what research she'd accumulated so far, she was fairly certain she wouldn't be changed into a vampire herself, unless he'd drained her blood, and then allowed her to drink his. Though Shay doubted some of the things Anne Rice wrote about, several authors of vampire stories concurred on that point. And then there was the point that he slept most of the day, and only saw her in the evenings.
"Gah! What a fool I've been...here I'm writing a story, that I also happen to be LIVING, and still I didn't see it!"Â?
There had to be irony somewhere in all this. But Shay was too tired to try and find it.
Besides that, her priority was in trying to determine...did she really love Mathias? Of course she did. Even in all this, that was one thing she hadn't thought twice about; never doubted for a second.
He'd told her he'd loved before, and something had happened. So he had decided it was better for both of them to be apart. But he hadn't given her a choice in the matter! And, in her eyes, it wasn't better. She'd lived her whole life without him, and only felt REALLY happy this past week. It truly felt to her, as if a part of her had been missing, until she met him...and only recently had she been whole. But now she was back to being what she was before, AND now she knew the difference.
"I can't do it Mathias. I can't live without you."Â? As she spoke to the walls, the tears started, yet again.
But if she were to stay with him, she couldn't have the life she wanted either. She couldn't think of becoming...what he was...but to do less would doom them to a relationship of what? She'd continue to grow old...and he'd stay young and magnificent...and end up tiring of her anyway. She laughed bitterly at the picture of the two of them together when she was eighty, and he still appeared his current age. She knew that wouldn't happen.
Amidst a new round of tears, Shay eventually fell asleep. Her body knew she couldn't continue on in the vein she was, even if she didn't. It would be hours before she would awaken, and begin the journey of questions again.
Shay
19 years ago
“Oh my god in heaven!”
Shay was in pain…physical pain, though anyone who’d seen how she had been sleeping would have laughed to think otherwise. The rocking chair had NOT been made for sleeping, and Shay probably would never forget that little bit of information again.
She moved, s l o w l y, to her bed, and crawled between the covers. She had absolutely no idea what time it was, nor did she care. She didn’t want to think…or feel…or hear…or see…she just wanted black, dreamless, sleep.
However, it seemed nothing was working in her favor. So, instead of falling quickly back to sleep, Shay spent the next small bit of forever, tossing and turning. Finally becoming thoroughly disgusted with herself, she jerked out of bed, and stormed into the bathroom.
Grabbing the knobs to her Jacuzzi tub, Shay filled it with hot water and a generous portion of her favorite bath oils. Gathering her hair up on her head, she stuck a few bobby pins into it, and then gingerly stepped into the hot bubbly liquid, and sank down until just her head was remaining out of the water. Wanting to enjoy the full effect of the jets, Shay washed a little more quickly than normal, and then just slid back down, and let the force of the bubbles beat on her sore muscles.
“Oh god, Mathias…what kind of life have you led? My poor love…I’ve only been alone for a dozen years, or so…and you’ve suffered for centuries.”
Shay was astounded to feel wetness on her cheeks again. She couldn’t believe she had any tears left to cry. But then again, these were not for her…they were for Mathias.
She had to see him…she had to talk to him…she had to figure out a better way to handle this. She couldn’t live without him…and she didn’t think she had to…unless there was a physical reason. If she were to find out that he couldn’t live with a human…that the risk of biting her again was too great, and he would most certainly lose control if tempted…that could force her to reconsider. Just as he did not want anything to happen to her, she would never put him into a situation that would cause him pain, direct or indirectly.
Questions…there were just too many things she didn’t understand…things that needed clarification on. No…there was no way she was just buying into this whole ‘leave me alone’ deal. She didn’t know how, but she had to come up with a way for them to be together.
(ooc - Shay out - lock please)
Shay was in pain…physical pain, though anyone who’d seen how she had been sleeping would have laughed to think otherwise. The rocking chair had NOT been made for sleeping, and Shay probably would never forget that little bit of information again.
She moved, s l o w l y, to her bed, and crawled between the covers. She had absolutely no idea what time it was, nor did she care. She didn’t want to think…or feel…or hear…or see…she just wanted black, dreamless, sleep.
However, it seemed nothing was working in her favor. So, instead of falling quickly back to sleep, Shay spent the next small bit of forever, tossing and turning. Finally becoming thoroughly disgusted with herself, she jerked out of bed, and stormed into the bathroom.
Grabbing the knobs to her Jacuzzi tub, Shay filled it with hot water and a generous portion of her favorite bath oils. Gathering her hair up on her head, she stuck a few bobby pins into it, and then gingerly stepped into the hot bubbly liquid, and sank down until just her head was remaining out of the water. Wanting to enjoy the full effect of the jets, Shay washed a little more quickly than normal, and then just slid back down, and let the force of the bubbles beat on her sore muscles.
“Oh god, Mathias…what kind of life have you led? My poor love…I’ve only been alone for a dozen years, or so…and you’ve suffered for centuries.”
Shay was astounded to feel wetness on her cheeks again. She couldn’t believe she had any tears left to cry. But then again, these were not for her…they were for Mathias.
She had to see him…she had to talk to him…she had to figure out a better way to handle this. She couldn’t live without him…and she didn’t think she had to…unless there was a physical reason. If she were to find out that he couldn’t live with a human…that the risk of biting her again was too great, and he would most certainly lose control if tempted…that could force her to reconsider. Just as he did not want anything to happen to her, she would never put him into a situation that would cause him pain, direct or indirectly.
Questions…there were just too many things she didn’t understand…things that needed clarification on. No…there was no way she was just buying into this whole ‘leave me alone’ deal. She didn’t know how, but she had to come up with a way for them to be together.
(ooc - Shay out - lock please)