Regrets,Remembrances and Visitors

"You are dead Lucian!" Mathias could hardly believe his eyes - it had to be some sort of halluecination. Lucian had died defending Jeruselam some 900 years ago. And yet here he was,just as Mathias remembered..his black hair and piercing grey eyes unchanged.

"So are you little one - so that is hardly a fair observation." His creator chuckled. Little one was a private joke between them. Mathias was taller and bigger than the other vampire and yet not his equal in combat.

Mathias reached out to touch the phantom. "What are you? Some kind of spectre? Or a hallcination brought on by my state?"
Again the being claiming to be Lucian chuckled. "Truly does it matter? I am here and you are sorely in need of my counsel if this is the state I find you in." He circled around the prostrate Mathias,tsking. "The least you can do is sit up - I did train you better than that!" He was right,Mathias knew he was right. Not uttering a sound,despite his pain Mathias moved into a sitting position leaning against his couch. "Well that is a start" Lucian dryly observed."Now,what troubles you so that it has laid my childe low? What possible apocalypse is responsible for your sorry state?"

"He loves a mortal" another voice,softer and more feminine answered. Ok,this is what insanity feels like Mathias thought,as the diminuative form of Annabelle slid off his bed to stand by Lucian. "Really? That's it? I'm disappointed Mathias - did I not say 'Life without Love is like a Tree without blooms or blossoms?" Lucian looed at him with sad eyes and Mathias was forced to look away in shame. "It is more than that " he said,summoning the courage to look at Annabelle. "To love her is to risk all,and for her to love me...is to risk her life. I have loved and lost before - I will NOT do that to another!!" He was surprised at how loud he had become or that he was standing.
Annabelle just looked at him. "See Lucian? Your prize pupil has become a spoiled self centered brat. It is all about him. HE can't risk it, HE can't allow it. Do you think he once asked Shay, did he even THINK what Shat would want? No,like always he cut and ran without a thought of another." "Is this true Mathias?" Lucian asked,his voice grown sad. "I was only - "Mathias was cut off by Lucian " I ASKED IF IT WAS TRUE!! Yes or no boy, it is a fairly simple question." Mathias was taken aback by the anger in Lucian's voice. " Ye-yes. "

" I have failed you as a teacher then,for I know that I taught you to think of others." Lucian sighed and sat down across from MAthias. " We only had 200 years together, scarcely enough time. Rudderless you have drifted through time. " " Oh please " Annabelle snorted. " He has had the same choices we all do. And he CHOSE to whine and cry about his condition. He CHOSE to be alone. Just like he CHOSE to walk away from Shay. "

She looked at Mathias " Did you ever take one moment to think that maybe,just maybe you and Shay were together for a reason? Perhaps Vienna was the wrong time and place. Perhaps Here and now - this was as it was meant to be,but now you will never know. Which is better O Wise Knight? The fool who risks it all or the fool who never risks anything?" Mathias had no answer - he had no answer for either of them. He thought he had known the right path,but...but he was unsure now.

As if sensing his doubts,Lucian laid a hand on his shoulder. "Sometimes the right thing,the courageous thing is to do what you fear. I know you fear losing her,but is this any better? Tell me the truth boy - is not your life without Shay an empty shell?" Mathias nodded " Shay is light given form..when I am with her I feel..feel..." Annabelle's voice,softer now finished his sentence. "Alive? If that is true,then isn't everything else inconsequential? Are you going to spend your entire existence searching for something and when you find it,run as far away as possible?" Mathias didn't say anything,his mind a whirl of feelings,doubts and fears. He sat down,his legs suddenly weak.

Lucian and Annabelle stood in front of Mathias, arm in arm. " Our time here has run out Mathias - and the choices you make from now on are your own. But remember - living in fear is no life. It's not that you are afraid to die - but you are afraid to live. Let go of it Mathias,and let go of your pain." The two of them turned and headed towards the door,though Mathias wondered why spectres would use it. Annabelle turned and smiled at him. Sweet,innocent Annabelle...whose voice had hounded him for a hundred year..whose only crime was to care about Mathias when he didn't care about himself. "It is a pity Mathias. I forgave you a long time ago...perhaps you can learn to do the same"

And then he was alone.

That was the trick of it. He wasn't alone. He had Shay,well did until he ran.

Mathias realized what he had to do. See Shay,make amends with her. Even if she never wanted to see him - Perfectly understandable - he had to try. Annabelle and Lucian were right, he had to take responsibility for his life and not hide behind the past. It shamed Mathias to think how he had acted, how he had treated those who cared,those who...loved him. But no more...from this night on there was anew MAthias. A Mathias who was unafraid to live.A MAthias unafraid to love.

He took a quick shower,letting the hot water scour away the accumulated sweat and grime. But already felt clean,as if a great weight had been lifted. The slate wasn't wiped clean,not by a long shot...but maybe he could learn to live with who he was.

Whistling to himself he headed out the door.





((OOC _ Mathias out and lock please))