Nachton Transportion / Train to New York / Shay 19 years ago

Train to New York

Curled up on the seat, Shay had a pillow between her head and the window, and was gazing out into the diminishing darkness, through sleepy eyes. It was silly to feel so, but she already missed Mathias. What was even crazier, was the fact that she'd be back home later that night...it was only one day she'd be in New York...only one day away.

The publisher visit was a big deal, but more so was what she had to take care of afterwards. She had tried, and thought she had been successful, in hiding her concerns from Mathias. But now that she was alone with just herself, the fear began creeping back into her head. Something was wrong, and though she hoped it would turn out to be nothing...it was her habit to plan for the worst case scenario. And if it turned out that this was the worst case scenario, she didn't think she'd be able to continue to hide it from him.

Shay was young, in the grand scheme of things. Though in comparison to Mathias...and many others she was now becoming acquainted with...young didn't come close to describing her. She had grown up thinking she wanted to do and be a great many things, but always on the top of that list was the word...'mom'. She loved children, and had taken care of her smaller siblings many times, just because she enjoyed it so. She began baby sitting the little toddler next door, when Shay was only ten years old. Children adored her, and she them. She instinctively knew how to hold and entertain them, and learned the other things, like bathing, changing, and feeding, with little instruction necessary. It was almost as if she had been created to be a mother. It all just seemed second nature.

Until recently, her agenda was to establish a career, meet the right person, fall in love and have time together, but by the time she was thirty five she hoped she would be in a position to then have children.

Of course she knew Mathias would not be able to provide her with the missing pieces she needed to create a child within herself. But that wasn't why she had yet to talk to him about it. They had just met, and even though things were moving along at a rockets pace, children really didn't seem a topic they had time to discuss yet. Plus she was selfish enough to not even want to consider dividing what time they had between him and anything or anyone else...yet.

Further, she still had several years ahead of her before she reached the age she'd set forth...loads of time to get established in Nachton, maybe get another book or two out...and just be with him. Lots of time ahead to talk to him about babies, and children...she now hoped.

The sun was almost up...just peeking over the horizon, as she moved away from the window. She'd not been able to get much sleep at all, but planned to catch up on the trip home later. Leaning back on the seat, she invisioned what it would be like with a tot running around the house...Mathias sitting on the couch, reading it a story...lying in bed with the baby between them...the air around them charged with love. If dreams came true, that would be hers. And for now she clung to those dreams, and dared fate to change them.

Shay 19 years ago

Her Dream
The baby was crying...Shay heard her, but couldn't wake herself from the fog. Where was the nanny, she wondered...the baby shouldn't cry so long.

Pulling herself from her sleep induced haze, she looked around and saw Mathias was gone. Sitting up in bed, she rubbed the sleep from her eyes, and gave herself a mental shaking.

'Nanny! Nanny, why aren't you attending the baby?'

Shay stood up and wandered towards their daughter's room, and the crying ceased.

How odd, Shay thought...there was no light coming from the baby's room, and yet she wouldn't have just stopped crying of her own accord. Being only a few months old, Shay knew her cries were only triggered by discomfort. Other than that, the baby was perfect, and Shay smiled to think how lucky she and Mathias had been to come by her.

As she entered their daughter's room, she flipped the light switch...and screamed.
A sight so horrific she'd never encountered in her life.

Lying dead on the floor, her throat torn out, and only spots of blood showing on her clothing, was the nanny. A silent, tortured scream on her lips, and dead, sightless eyes focused on heaven.

But even worse, and the reason for Shay's scream, was the sight of her bluish white baby in the arms of Ellis, and a grin of contentment on the face of evil.

Jerking upright in the seat, Shay heard her stop announced, and breathed deeply as she tried to calm her taught and fraying nerves. Thankful it had only been a nightmare, there was still a strong pall of foreboding hanging over her .

Gathering up her things, she departed the train, and headed for the subway.

Shay 19 years ago

'Well, that went even better than I thought it would', Shay said, softly under her breath. She stepped off the elevator after coming down from her publisher's office on the fifty sixth floor.

She was in a wonderful mood, after hearing how well her second book was doing, and also hearing praises from Lucile, on the outline she'd submitted today for the current book. Lucile had been an incredible find for Shay, when she began writing her first book, and had learned a tremendous amount about the whole literary industry from the woman. It helped too, that Lucile was Shay's contemporary...or almost. Lucile was five years older than Shay, and had worked for the publishing firm for three years before taking on Shay as a client. Shay became Lucile's first really big client, and the two had formed a mutual admiration society when they saw how they could help each other.

As she walked onto the street, she decided to take a cab to the doctor's office, since she wasn't sure which subway would get her there. Alerting the doorman, he quickly flagged down one of the nicer looking yellow vehicles, and Shay got in.

"The Poindexter Building on Fifth and Fifty Sixth, please."

Shay instructed the driver, and then sat back in the seat. She looked out the window as the cab pulled away from the curb, but didn't see anything. The high she'd been on, and trying to maintain, was slowly ebbing away.

Shay 19 years ago

It was not a sunny day, which matched Shay's mood as she left the doctor's office. She wore the sunglasses anyway, for other reasons that would have been obvious had she not been wearing them.

They had called a cab for her there, so it was waiting for her when she got outside. The doorman held the door for her as she slipped inside, and he shut it behind her. The cab driver had been told to take her to the train station, by the doctor's receptionist, so Shay didn't have to speak to him at all. She just sat back in the seat,and leaned her head back...staring.

Had she been the type who indulged in self pity, she might have now thought...'why me' ... 'Why now, when everything seemed in perfect harmony, did this have to happen' ... Of course being a familiar, in love with a vampire, might not have seemed perfect harmony to most. But she was madly in love with a wonderful 'man', and he loved her in return, she loved her job, and her home...with this one new exception, her life would have been perfect. Even the fact that Mathias wasn't human no longer bothered Shay. Had he not been who he was now, she never would have met him, and that concept just wasn't worth thinking about.

But Shay wasn't one for feeling sorry for herself. She was upset, and she would probably remain as such for a while - the news had come as quite a shock. But she would eventually deal with it as she had everything else in her life that knocked her down.

The ride to the train was uneventful, thank god, and as Shay paid the driver and got out of the cab, she could only hope the train ride went as well.

During the ride to the depot, the skies had darkened dramatically, and it was now difficult to see through her sunglasses. She didn't care or notice. She moved as if on some wire that led from the cab to the train, and was completely unaware of people glancing at the robotic woman in sunglasses.

Finding an empty seat and table in the back corner of the dining car, Shay took it immediately. She ordered a Rusty Nail, doubled, and took a cigarette out of her purse. She knew she wasn't supposed to smoke on the train, but only wanted one quick drag. Had the train not been ready to leave the station, she would have stood outside on the platform and smoked the entire thing. She didn't have that luxury at the moment. She opened the train window and blew the smoke out, before putting the cigarette out with a drop of liquid from her drink. The soggy butt she rolled up in a napkin, and pushed aside. She sipped her drink and remembered it was still early...only about half past four. So okay...what was that song...it was five o'clock somewhere?

The train pulled out, and began the trek back to Nachton, and as it did, the rain started. Shay couldn't see it though, for tears were again obscuring her view.

Shay 19 years ago

Again, somewhere along the line, Shay had fallen asleep. However, this time she slept heavily, and dreamlessly. The drink, on an empty stomach, had done the trick, and knocked her out completely. Fortunately her inner radar must have still been working well, as she woke up before pulling into Nachton.

Strangely enough, she hadn't really had a lot of sleep, but evidently it had been enough, as she was no longer tired at all. In fact, as it occurred to her that she hadn't eaten since last night, she realized she was extremely hungry. She could only wish she had the desire to eat, instead of having another drink...or four.

When she got off the train, she pulled her cigarettes out of her purse and shoved one into her mouth. Once lit she inhaled deeply, closed her eyes and just stood in the cold. The rain had stopped, but the air still smelled of it...crisp and clean and biting. When she opened her eyes she was staring up at the stars, twinkling like diamonds set in velvet.

Starting to walk towards where she'd left her car parked, Shay noticed the people around her with children. Though there weren't very many, she saw each and every one. A pregnant woman smiled at her as they passed each other, and Shay turned away. It was cruel that she was so obviously aware of this time in the lives of others, when she would never be able to share such a dream.

The air was so cold that when she exhaled the smoke from her cigarette, she couldn't see any difference from her normal breathing. She felt her cheeks redden from the sting of the night. Yet she didn't want to be warm, and cozy, and comfortable now. She wanted to feel pain. She wanted her body to be punished for turning on her. And being who she was, and terrified of subjecting herself to anything that would hurt her, the best she could do was to just endure the small agonies she faced now.

Pressing the auto lock button, Shay saw the flash of her headlights before even seeing her car. She slid onto the seat, and belted herself in, before flicking what was left of her cigarette out the window. The engine turned over as soon as she put in the key, and she was ready to go.

Instead, she rested her arms on the steering wheel, and nodded her head against them, as she let out a loud, pitiful, sob. One became two, two became four, and soon she was crying just as hard as she had in the doctor's office.

'I'm really sorry, Shay.' Doctor Bates had offered. 'I wish there was something we could do medically, to change things. There might be someday...but not now.'
Shay remembered the words, and felt Doctor Bates hand on her shoulder, as she had tried to stop crying. Her pride had given her the strength to stop then. Now she just let go, and took advantage of the solitude. Parked alone in the parking lot, it was late, and dark, and her tears, and wails went unnoticed.

So she cried until her cries were hoarse and her eyes burned, and there was nothing left but a deadness inside. Then she put the car into drive, and started for home.

(ooc - Shay out - lock please)