After the Show (Attn : Alex) ((Private))

The moon cast a serene pale light over the night blooming flowers and plants of Vespers Gardens. A slight breeze pushed back Amberelle's hair from her face and Alexander felt her shiver. It wasn't cold tonight, but then January wasn't exactly the warmest month to be outside at night, vampire or no.

He was tempted to offer her his jacket when Amberelle stopped him with a kiss. Alexander smiled. Stopped by a kiss. Felled by a word. She had that effect on him. He put his arm around her shoulder and pulled her close. He could at least pretend that his heart keep a regular beat and his body was warm enough for them both.

Alexander and Amberelle walked side by side, neither one commenting as they periodically stopped and gazed at the midnite delights hidden within the Gardens. With the exception of one very rude woman, tonight had been exquisite. Fine dining and fine theatre. It was a memorable occassion and Alexander would treasure it.

He had never been easy about being around other vampires. Most had their own predatory agenda's hidden behind false modesty and even falser smiles. Self preservation and self interest made a lot of the older vampires more wary and less tolerable towards the younger vampires. And the temptation of easy power and riches made the young vampires more bolder and ruthless than in previous nights. And then there were those like Alexander who were stuck between not being old enough, and not being young enough.

It wasn't easy. Chao would have mocked Alexander for being a self-pitying wretch. And he would have been right. It was easy to read humans. They were like cattle compared to vampires. And who among them could he really trust?

Amberelle felt different. In her Alexander found someone he knew he could trust, would trust, with his very unlife if she asked for it. It was more than simple desire and predatory lust. And she apparently felt the same way about him. It felt good to be able to confide in another vampire without having to worry about such revelations being used against him at a later time and place. Alexander felt like he could tell her everything without fear or reservation. And he did not fear her judgement. She would accept him or not. And he would show her the same respect.

She looked up at him with a questioning gaze as he stopped and turned to face her. Alexander didn't say a word. He gently tilted up her chin and tenderly pressed his lips against hers.

Amby accepted his kiss happily, closing her eyes and savoring the feel of his lips against hers. It was a tender kiss, one that made the blonde tremble slightly with the depth of emotion she could sense behind it. Alex's hand slid around to cup the side of her face and stroke the back of her neck and she let her arms slide under his jacket to wrap around his waist.

She opened herself to him, teasing with soft licks and nips until his lips parted. Their breath mixed for a moment as she inhaled the essense of him before capturing his lips with hers again. Deepening the kiss slowly she let herself explore every part of his mouth, tasting him. Her hands caressed his back lightly.

Her mouth trailed down to nibble along his jaw until she reached his ear. Exhaling softly, Amberelle nipped the soft lobe and tugged slightly before pressing a kiss to it. A low growl came from deep inside her and she rubbed her face along the side of his several times until she could smell her scent on him. That pleased her. She returned to nibbling on his neck, letting her tongue lap at him and taste what flesh she could above his shirt. The blood was so close to the surface there, and remembering her last taste of his dark essense sent a stab of desire through her.

Stepping backwards, her hands slid out and down his arms to clasp around his. Tugging him forward gently, she gave him a sultry smile and never looked away as she walked, leading him down the path further until they reached a secluded arbor. Her resolve almost crumbled when Alexander tightened his hold on her hands and crushed her against his chest, kissing her hotly.

Pulling herself away and swallowing hard, her golden eyes scanned his face. Amberelle wanted to know everything about him, every tiny detail and commit it to memory. Be it a hundred or a thousand years from now, the vampire wanted to remember every moment of this night. After all it was the most perfect night she'd ever had.

Amby leaned into him until his knees hit the bench behind them and Alex was forced to sit. Smiling down at him, she caressed the side of his face with her fingertips. His blue eyes burned her with the heat in them as he watched her. The blonde placed a knee on one side of him and used her free hand to pull her skirt up so that she was able to straddle his lap.

Pressing her forehead to his, she looked deeply into his eyes. A thousand things came to mind that she wanted to say, but all that came out was a softly spoken Thank you.. for tonight.

Amberelle. Alexander was powerless as she straddled him and kept him pinned on the bench. Part of him was horrified that they would be discovered. Yet his feelings for her were stronger, urging him to defiantly embrace Amberelle here and now. Alexander wrapped his hands around her slender waist and stared into her eyes as she pressed her forehead to his. It would be so tempting to take her here and now, and damned be the consequences.

Her voice was soft, almost trembling as she thanked him for this night. How could she have it so backwards, Alexander marvelled. It was Amberelle who had organised dinner and an evening at the theatre. He had merely provided the companionship. She was far to humble, and it made Alexander's heart soar.

"No, cheri. It is I who should be thanking you. All of this, all of tonight was your doing. I haven't felt so... alive for a very long time. All of this, the breathing, the beating of our hearts, the flicker of our eyelids and the sweat on our brow. For many of us it is little more than a reflex action. An echo of what we used to do automatically and now do for deception's sake. Pure artifice.

"But for one night, this night, I remember what it feels like to have been a man, to have been alive. To do things that the living take for granted, to take pleasure in another's comapny for the sake of pleasure itself. Unreserved and without ulterior means or motives."

He pulled his head back and kissed Amberelle between the eyes. He wrapped his arms around her and pressed her body against his.

"My hands, my lips are warm. My chest beats and my heart sings. And not because I will it to. But because you are here with me. So, I thank you for this evening. You have my eternal gratitude."

Alexander hesitated, and then smiled.

"You have my love."

If Alex wasn't holding her so tightly Amberelle would have fallen backwards onto the ground. Instead she only jerked away enough to look into his eyes and simply stared at him. Her gold eyes wide with suprise, she was stunned speechless. All that ran through her head was no, over and over like a broken record. Swallowing hard, the blonde reached up shaking hands and grasped the sides of his face.

That word, that wonderful horrible word. He must be wrong he had to be wrong. Oh God what if that was what this feeling she had was? No! L.. lo.. No. 'I can't feel that way no, how could I..' Amby refused to believe he could feel that way towards her. Maybe eventually yes, but so suddenly? That would mean that all these emotions she had assaulting her could be.. were.. No. No.

It was like a panic welling up inside her. Growing up she always knew not to become attached to things or people. When you cared then you could be hurt. Please used the things you love against you. And after all you always hurt the ones you love, right? Or was that simply her demented, twisted family?

Non, no.. L..love, no.. When you love someone they hurt you. Her body began to shake. I don't want to hurt you Alex. Tears welled in her eyes and slid down her cheeks slowly. For the first time in my life.. Her voice cracked as she fought back a sob. You make me feel so safe and happy and I really believe life is worth living. Laughing a bit shrilly she shook her head. I felt it too, you know.. Tonight.. what it was like to be alive. With you it's like, like, like having a second chance.

She wrapped her arms around him and buried her face in his neck, clinging to him desperately. Whispering, she begged him Please don't love me. I couldn't bear it if I hurt you.

Alexander could hear that half-mocking, chiding voice that Chao reserved for his favourite Western student. If something is worth holding on to, be prepared to fight for it. If you won't fight for it, then you have no business pursuing it. Of course, Chao's pearls of wisdom were inevitably tied back to his tenants of loyalty, honour and obedience to the Clan. But in this case, Alexander knew what he wanted to fight for. And for the first time in two centuries it was something other than service to the Clan.

Amberelle feared that word. Love. Alexander wondered who or what had tainted that word, and corrupted that emotion from her head and heart. A part of him suspected it was the sire she loathed to speak of. Gustav. The name was beginning to irritate Alexander as much as it pained Amberelle. Chao had been a hard task master, he advocated the controlled denial over one's emotions, but Chao believed in strength through understanding and discipline. Without emotion, there was limited personality. And without a whole personality one could not function fully, in either daily life or in service to the Clan.

Alexander knew that loving Amberelle would test his carefully woven control over his emotions. He accepted this. Yes, he was afraid. It was a decision with outcomes he could not see or predict. But he was more than willing to fight for the chance to love and care for another. To put trust in one of his own kind, and accept whatever consequences would arise from that decision. She had given him the resolve to make this decision.

Alexander took a plain white hankerchief from his jacket pocket and gently wiped the tears from Amberelle's cheeks.

"We've all been hurt before cheri, and we will continue to be hurt or hurt others in spite of ourselves. You at least are still able to recognize that capacity in yourself and have the... compassion and strength to admit that. There are many men and women in this world who will go through their life in ignorance and denial, hurting the ones they love the most and never realising or acknowledging what they have done. And that's not to say what our kind is capable of."

Alexander smiled at Amberelle as he carefully refolded his hankerchief and returned it to his jacket pocket.

"You know how I feel. You know I'm no saint. I've done questionable things in my past and its a certainty that I will do questionable things in the future. That, I'm afraid, is part of the nature of what we are. There are no absolutes for our kind. First and foremost, we are predators. We aren't human and we never can be again. But we can feel alive. We can savor life as if it was ours once more."

"Love is not what the poets and screenwriters would have us commonly believe. Love is hardship, it is sacrifice and it is compromise. But that's also what makes love all the more precious and rewarding. Nothing worth holding onto is ever easy to gain or keep. And with love there's always the chance that it will slip through your fingers. And yes you'll get hurt. And you become stronger and wiser. And if it was really love that you held in your hands, then you'll be able to look back on it with a mixture of fondness and regret no matter how long or brief your time was."

Alexander sighed and brushed back an errant strand of hair from Amberelle's face.

"You know how I feel about you, and I know what you feel. Deny me if you must, but never deny what you are feeling. To feel is to be truly alive. And for us... well to feel like this is...special."

He kissed each tenderly and placed her head on his shoulder.

"If tonight is all you want, then you shall have it. Tommorrow is up to you."

Her blonde head lay on his shoulder as she sifted through his words. Oh, how she did not deserve this man, Amberelle thought. Patient, gentle, tender, compassionate, strong, honest... so many things that she had no right to expect anyone to be, with her. And, she knew he was right. To feel was the greatest thing something dead like them could wish for. Without the sun, eternity was a dark and cold place if you didn't have something to warm you. That was what Alex did for her, he was a light that chased away the numbing chill that had enveloped her for so very long. Like a long dormant flower stirring under the first skies of Spring, he'd woken her from hybernation and brought her back to life. A faint smile made her lips twitch.

What exactly he made her feel wasn't something she could put a name to, yet. It was too huge, too frightening, But.. There were several things she did know. That was what she focused on. Already she needed him, wanted him, trusted him. Amby wanted to share everything with him, to see that smile that made her heart lurch in her breast and strange tingles wash over her. She wanted to gaze into those deep blue eyes and forget the rest of the world around them. To give herself over to him completely and feel cherished and special.

It was dangerous, this path she contemplated. So far beyond the safe and insulated world she'd tried to make for herself. Before she always tried not to be noticed, to be unobtrusive, quiet, just barely there. Now she would have to step out of her shadows and risk failure and pain for both of them. It was easy to say you were willing to take a chance, but when the time comes it looms so much more meacingly ahead, she realized. But the thought of walking away from this, whatever it was, was an even more gut wrenching pain. To spend eons wondering what could have been.. no that was not a fate she wanted at all.

His hands had been stroking her back gently as he held her and she finally let them melt the tension from her, relaxing against him. Sniffling slightly, Amby pressed a featherlight kiss to his shoulder. Slowly straightening she pressed a soft kiss to his lips before shifting back some to see his face completely. One of her hands caressed the back of his neck, fingers stroking the soft hair at his nape. Sincerity and other as yet unnamed things shimmered in her eyes as they slowly roamed over his face, commiting every detail of his chiseled features to memory.

Alex.. I want tomorrow, and every night after that. It was a whisper, but her voice was steady. I want you, I want.. this.. us.. Non, I need this. Her eyes closed briefly before meeting his again. I don't think I deserve you, but oh, merde, I need you.

Alexander didn't know if he was relieved or disappointed. The lyrics to a song by Meatloaf crept into his head, although the person who sang it in London at a kareoke bar gave a rather poor rendition of 'Two out of Three.' "I want you, I need you, but there ain't no way I'm ever gonna love you. Now don't feel bad, 'cause two out of three ain't bad." He mentally kicked himself. Amberelle hadn't placed him in that position, yet. And an opportunistic person would accept that as a win-win situation. But Alexander's vice was greed. Well pride and greed. And he wasn't one to accept a setback in either.

But this wasn't a hostile takeover, no bidding war. And the stakes were a lot higher. He would have to reign in any such thoughts of wounded pride and unfulfilled greed. He wasn't wagering on a set of terms and conditions he could win outright. This was one of his own kind. Someone not to be trifled with, or mishandled. Let Amberelle have time. Time was one thing the pair had in abundance. And patience was something Alexander dealt with all the time.

So he held Amberelle tight and held onto the promise of tommorrow. One night at a time. He could live with that. And maybe one night she would say the words he wanted to hear. When he'd earned the right to hear them.

Alexander sighed softly as he ran one hand through Amberelle's hair and the other down her back.

"Ah, cheri. The things we must endure. At least now you won't have to shoulder your burdens alone."

Amby had offered him all that she could right now and was filled with relief that Alex seemed willing to accept it for the moment. 'I really have to stop being suprised by how wonderful he is.' He loved her. Thinking about that made her heart soar. Amberelle willingly accepted the challenge it was going to be to let herself love him back like he deserved. She just needed time. Which was, thankfully, something they both had. He held her close and she just closed her eyes and indulged in the warm, safe feeling he gave her.

His words almost brought a tear to her eye. Her voice was quiet when she replied. No, I won't. For Amberelle, that was a monumental realization. One that had her feeling a little giddy. She hugged Alex tightly. And neither will you, cheri. She just smiled up at him for a moment. He didn't know just how much she meant that, but she would show him. That was a vow, and a De'Espionne keeps their word.

Sighing softly, Amby slowly extracted herself from his arms and stood. Without him there to warm her she shivered from the sudden cold. Holding a hand out to him, she gave him a small smile. Take me home now? Someplace much warmer and more private sounds good right about now.

Alexander took Amberelle's hand as he stood.

"Of course, cheri. I'll just contact Roger."

Alexander kept his conversation with Roger brief, and wrapped his arm around Amberelle as the walked in silence back through the Garden's to the entrance. He held her as the limosuine pulled up outside the gates and Roger opened the passenger side door for the pair.

He slipped inside after Amberelle and thanked Roger as he closed the door.

In a few moments the pair were on the road and headed back to Heolfor Manor.

((ooc - Amby and Alex out. Please lock thread))