Someday

A trunk at her feet, and a large rolling suitcase at her side, Shay's hands both clasped the handle of her purse, and her make up case. Having just sold her fun little Bug the day before, her options for transportation had diminished, and currently she was waiting on the train to get her to where she needed to be.

It had taken her considerable thought, over a relatively short amount of time, to decide that she needed to get away from Nachton. The length of her holiday had yet to be determined.

After losing Ginnie, Shay had tried to find ways to fill her time...ways to feel useful...ways to be of value. And, after what she considered to be ample time, Shay found she really couldn't say just why she was still in Nachton. So, for now, she was heading out, to see if she might fit in somewhere else, better.

The night air was crisp, and amazingly cool after what she heard was a record breaking high of 98 degrees today. One thing about being a vampire, Shay never had to deal with the stifling summer sun. Not that she could remember what it felt like anyway, but she just knew she had no wishes to participate in any part of the day, prior to sunset. This part of the world...the world of the night...was someplace she felt right at home in.

To say it was all the loss of Ginnie, that had driven her here, to make this decision, wasn't fair either. Though there had yet to have been a day when Shay didn't think of her mother, and miss her terribly, Shay also missed Dayle...and Alec.

Dayle had disappeared before Ginnie's death, and Shay had been in the process of coming to terms with that part of her life when hit with the second loss. Overcome with grief from losing her mother had taken precedent over the loss of her lover, yet the first loss had never been adequately dealt with, so it continued to fester within Shay.

Then too, she had unconsciously tried to substitute Alec, and use him to fill the voids in her life, only to find that Alec was taking care of his own needs, and that they didn't include Shay.

Not that she faulted her father. First off, he wasn't really her father, and she realized he had been thrust into that role by Ginnie, pretty much. When Ginnie was alive, Shay guessed Alec had gone along with things for her benefit, but when she was no longer in the picture, there wasn't much to keep he and Shay connected. So when he threw himself into his work, to distract him from his own hurt, Shay had found herself totally alone.

Being alone wasn't the worst of it though. Being alone, with the few memories she had involving people who were no longer around, was what Shay now found unbearable. It was this that she sought to get away from. Being alone somewhere else, where she could find her own distractions in new places, and people, she hoped would give her the comfort, and means for resolution she needed.

'All abooooard!'

Shay grinned as the big man near the train yelled out the warning for her benefit. She doubted they still did that, but she was the only person on the platform waiting, and the porter seemed to enjoy playing his role when he had a chance. She smiled a slightly bittersweet smile, and nodded her appreciation, as she watched the man pick up her trunk and place it on a dolly, then follow up with her suitcase. When the porter began to walk away, Shay carried her makeup case and purse up the steps and boarded the train.

Looking down the aisle, she felt a small amount of relief that the passengers were scarce. Then it occurred to her that at this time of night it seemed only fitting. The sleeper cars were probably full, and come daylight this part of the train would no doubt be bustling. By that time Shay would be inside a hotel, doing her own sleeping, until the next sunset when she would board a plane for Europe.

Taking a seat toward the front of the car, Shay placed her hand luggage on the seat next to her, and gazed out the window at the lights of Nachton. At least there really wasn't much she would end up missing now. With everyone physically gone, or, as in Alec's case, effectively gone, and no real friends having been made...it would be an easy break, she hoped. Her eyes watered now, as the reminiscing was want to make her do, and she gave thought to hope that condition would soon vanish.

"Now you're just being silly, girl!" She admonished herself. It was all just a case of mind over matter, and up to her to fix. No one was going to miss her, or wonder where she was come Monday. No one depended on her for anything.

Shay had been all through this before when she had listed the pros and cons for leaving Nachton. Besides selling her car, Shay had written a short note to Alec, and placed it on the coffee table at Ginnie's, knowing he still had a lot of things there, and would be picking them up some time soon. It had been her last tie to sever before she departed.

letter"Dear Alec,

I am leaving Nachton, and wanted to let you know in case you might come looking for me.

I'm sorry I wasn't more help to you in finding Mom's killers. I miss her tremendously, and hope you are successful in finding those responsible for her death, and dealing them appropriate punishment. I did try...to get involved...to find ways to be of help...but the pain was just too acute, and I don't have the ability to focus on much these days...at least not in the way you can. I think if I had remained I would have just become a burden to you, and I know you don't need that now.

I do appreciate everything you did for me, both when Mom was alive, and after. I...well, I do love you Alec...at least as much as I can love anyone. Love is still a pretty new thing for me. I have to laugh when I think things like that, because what isn't new to me? Anyway, I wish you nothing but the best, and hope you are able to come to terms with your own loss and sadness soon. I think you are a good man Alec, and it would pain me to think of you spending the next hundred years pining. I'm sure Ginnie wouldn't want that either.

Once I get to where I want to be, I'll drop you a line and let you know. Until then, please take care of yourself.

With love,
Your daughter, Shay."

Short, and hopefully sweet, without being too maudlin. Shay didn't think Alec did maudlin, nor, for that matter, did she, so she hoped her sentiments didn't come across that way.

The shrill train whistle shook Shay from her thoughts, as the seat she sat in jerked forward, along with the rest of the cars being pulled. Leaning back against her seat she closed her eyes. One tear escaped from beneath her lashes before she pulled herself together, and sniffed once.

Maybe some day...a couple months from now...a couple years from now...maybe Shay would return to Nachton. It was just impossible for her to think about that yet. She had places to go, people to see, a life to find, as well as a person to get to know. Once she knew who she was, and why she was, she would remain on her journey.

Hopefully the time would come when she would be able to visit her birthplace, and see it for what it was. Hopefully the pain would subside enough for that to happen.

Someday.

(Shay out)