What goes up... (pm for invite)
"MARI... can you kill the music please?"
If he had to listen to terrible elevator music for thirty more seconds, he would vomit. It did not matter that he hadn't eaten in several days... his stomach would heave itself out his nostrils if it had to.
As the AI complied, Kem thanked her (whether MARI was sentient or not, he had always assigned her a gender in his head) and returned to his previously scheduled activity.
Reaching out, his finger hovered over one button. He took a few deep breaths and... pushed the one below it. Start small, work your way up to big. Eventually, the elevator would reach the 40th floor and Kem would attempt to walk across the bridge a few times without passing out.
For now, he had eliminated the '0' and was working on getting comfortable with just the '4.' He'd taken Aishe's advice to heart; this was one weakness he couldn't let get in the way all the time. He'd managed to leap off buildings to avoid zombies. He could deal with heights in life-or-death situations, but he couldn't afford to freeze up and he needed to learn to tolerate them, if not be comfortable with them.
He'd done the stairs already tonight, spending far more time than he ever had leaning out over the stairwell, taking his hands off the railings, looking down while he went steadily upward. In that way he'd managed to get a good twenty floors up, but walking down the hallway and staring out the window had had him sitting on the floor with his back pressed against the nearest windowless wall as if the building were about to collapse.
Small steps.
The elevator rose and he gritted his teeth against the annoying flip-flopping sensation. He would get used to it.
..... Thirty floors later he was about ready to let the elevator fall on him. He looked like a crack addict, he mused, catching his reflection in the shining wall panel. Dark spots under his eyes, sweating, shaking, pale. Yup. Crack addict. He felt like the elevator was spinning. Very fast.
"Okay MARI, I give... turn the music back on."
Anything for a distraction right now.
Crappy night or not though, now that she was done Pak was in an obnoxiously good mood and as such was being a bit silly. She'd taken the elevator from the fifth floor to the fortieth with the intent of taking the bridge over and then the elevator back down to her rooms on the thirty first. She'd been singing on her way up, she wasn't even sure what song it was - something up beat was all she knew, she didn't even know the words but she was singing even if it was slightly off key. She'd also taken her hair down from its killer knot and for no apparent reasons made two braided pig tails. What the hell it amused her.
Getting off the elevator she was dead set on skipping across the bridge but there was some one on it. What a time to sight see. Screw it she was skipping any way. It only took a few skips, however, to recognize the figure on the bridge. Pak skidded to a halt next to him. Lord, his knuckles were as white as his hair. What in god's name was Kem doing up here and on the bridge of all places?!
"Kem? You lost?"Â?
Pak asked quietly. She didn't want to be overtly concerned but she didn't think he'd appreciate her current giddiness and finding a nice balance was going to be hard.
Aishe was at home and while he realized she was aware of his current frame of mind, the best she could do was talk him down from there. So he'd left that avenue closed. He didn't want to lean on her unless he had to.
For the time being, he gripped the single sleek rail along the side of the walkway and tried to pry his eyes away from the view. Maybe, weeks or months from now, he could appreciate the splendor of nighttime Nachton. For now the only thing he could appreciate was how far that fall was, with less than an inch of glass separating him from thin air.
When Pakpao appeared, skipping down the walkway with her hair in pigtails, Kem assumed he was hallucinating due to altitude sickness or stress or something. But she stopped and did a double take, and her voice was definitely real.
"No... no, I wish I were lost but sadly, I am completely aware of where I am right now."
It was terse but tinted with dry humor. Kem was perfectly capable of laughing at himself, or would be once he got off this bridge.
Not out to aggravate things but unaware of any effect it might have she perched on the rail next to him. Yup that was a long ways down. Maybe she should try and peel his hands from railing and get him to leave.
“Good to hear. I’d hate to think you were lost.”
She let her feet swing back and forth for a few seconds and thought. She could send to Aishe and find out what the hell was going on, but so could Kem and if he was here like this the odds were he hadn’t. If he hadn’t he probably didn’t want to. If he didn’t want to he didn’t want her to. OK so that was a no go.
Nuts, go with the obvious.
“Maybe you’d rather be not lost at my place?”
It was nine stories down and he wouldn't have to stand so near the window. Yes, that seemed like a good option and it let Kem choose what to do. Of course if he wanted to stay here that was fine by her, but maybe she’d hang out with him for a bit at least until he stopped holding on the railing for dear life. So… she did some quick mental math… sometime in 2012.
"Don't do that," he requested softly.
With a deep breath he turned to look at Pak and tried to look relaxed. "I'd rather stay here for a little while more, but I wouldn't mind it if you kept me company."
He smiled wanly at her and explained. "I'm trying to get over this fear of heights thing. Well... maybe 'get over' is inaccurate. I'm never going to do that, but I think I need to be able to handle it and stop avoiding it."
He didn't go into the reasons why. Pak was a bright woman. She would understand his need to overcome weakness and insecurity, not just because of the shoes he was trying to fill, but because it was the thing to do in order to be a stronger person, more reliable, capable.
"It's just... being up this high... I'm dizzy. I can't get my mind off what will happen if this walkway disappears. Every time someone walks by I swear I can feel it swaying under my feet. Granted, I probably shouldn't have ridden the elevator for an hour, but I had to work up to getting this far."
Kem tried to make Pak understand exactly what it felt like; maybe she knew a good coping method. He was sure she'd been scared of something in the course of her years. "Just look at me. It's like I have the flu or something. Sweating, shaking, queasy, and it's a damn good thing I haven't eaten recently."
He shrugged helplessly at her. "I keep thinking if I can just stand here long enough I'll snap out of it and be okay." Shaking his head he returned his gaze to the Nachton skyline. "Not working so far."
Wow, Kem was going for the whole responsible adult thing. Mind you that didn't mean she was staring down a lightening storm any time soon, but good for him. Although, personally she didn't think it was necessary they all had their own issues but that didn't make them weaker or less capable, at least she didn't think so. But out of respect for her older brother she didn't offer that 'out'.
"MARI will probably have words for me about you abusing the elevators like that."Â?
At the very least question. Next time she worked on an AI it wasn't going to be so curious.
She was half toying with that idea when Kem started to describe his thoughts and feelings. Funny old world Pak started to feel a little bit wobbly herself and slid down from the railing to terra firma but had to look down to make sure it was still there. And all of a sudden it was a -very- bad idea to look down. She held on to the railing to steady her hands. She wasn't white knuckling it like Kem but it felt good to hold something. She'd just been at work too long or hadn't fed in a while or something dumb, that was all. It was just all hitting her now.
"How long have you been up here?"Â?
Pak was a bit surprised her voice sounded as solid as it did because she was feeling a bit nervous and jittery right now. Damned it, she did not want a mood now. It was Kem's turn to fall apart. She'd had her turn when they'd shouted at each other in the archives.
He shook his head at her when she asked how long he'd been up here, and flashed her an ironic little grin.
"I've been up here for about five minutes."
He was doing pretty well, all things considered. Five minutes at this height was the longest he'd ever willingly exposed himself to it in centuries. Meridian's jets didn't count; they were well-equipped for carrying light-sensitive objects (like vampires) and he'd managed to halfway convince himself he was still on the ground on the occasions he'd had to travel overseas for the company.
"I figured I'd give it half an hour or so and see where I was after that."
Prone on the floor was his current bet.
“You can’t possibly want to stand here for thirty minutes. Besides I’ll be its not on your planner.”
Pak was making a valiant effort to be pleasant calm and stable, it wasn’t necessarily going as well as she'd hoped but she ws trying. She finally gave up shuffled to the middle of the walk way and just sat down. At least that way she didn’t feel like the ground was going away any time soon.
“That and after a half an hour we will still be forty stories up basically balancing on a beam. It doesn’t change with time.”
Oh great and with that thought Pak desperately wanted to vomit. Maybe it was a good thing she hadn’t had that candy bar.
"I actually did plan to spend some time up here. Maybe not a half an hour... I figured I'd see how I did once I was up here. It really is quite a view. I'm sorry I'm not really able to appreciate it properly."
That was an understatement, given that he felt how Pak looked. "Are you sure you're okay? You look like you've had a rough day."
Her reminder of where they stood did not help matters any. Kem released the railing and joined Pak in sitting in the middle of the walkway, closing his eyes for a few seconds and pretending they were on the ground floor.
So they looked a little odd, sitting in the middle of the bridge between Meridian and Liefde. Kem could handle that. Traffic wasn't horribly heavy in the middle of the night anyhow. He kept his hands splayed on the floor at his sides, as if to either steady himself or leap up and run at the first sign of structural integrity failure.
She thought she was doing better on the floor, and she was as long as she kept her attention on Kem. That seemed to help with what ever it was that was bugging her.
Absently she undid one of her braids combed it out with her fingers and redid it a bit more tightly. She wished she had something to tie it with, but it seemed to be holding ok on its own.
“Yeah actually it was a thoroughly messed up day. I was on my way home to flop for a bit when I saw my good pal Kem staring out into space and said to myself ‘You know what might be more relaxing and good banter with Kem while he thinks about terminal velocity.’”
Pak decided that all the days stress was just catching up with her. If she’d taken an hour or two break at some point, she probably wouldn’t be having this reaction now.
He listened to Pak, letting her attempt to take his mind off the fact that he was suspended over empty air. The idea of it was lurking around in his brain no matter how hard he tried to ignore it, though. The shakes refused to go away, although now that he was seated he felt a little steadier.
"Sorry I can't help you out in the banter department," he said sincerely. Kem was well aware that part of the reason he and Pak got along so well was that they could vent to each other; that their practical jokes and goofing off were one of a multitude of ways to cope with various stresses.
"Why was it so messed up? I promise I'll pay slightly more attention to your venting than to terminal velocity. You've got about a minute."
She could too. Primarily because she was now thinking about how they were basically defying gravity with the aid of steel and concrete. Two materials that were not what one would call light weight. Momentarily Pak wondered if this was how Kem felt about these things.
That thought was interrupted by Kem’s inquiry. Yes, thinking about the day would be OK right now.
“Oh just your usual high drama high stress day. People quitting, projects behind schedule and over budget and data bases crashing. Its never too bad if it happens one or two things at a time but all of them at once sucks.”
Maybe she could go back down stairs and work on that mess some more. It seemed more relaxing than just sitting her. But no she was being supportive damned it even if it meant feeling dizzy and nauseous.
To Pak he just shook his head. "I understand. I'm sorry it's been so rough."
It was said with no small amount of guilt. Kem was well aware that his own attitude lately had been less than brotherly. He'd been buried in clan business and archive business both, and his scant spare time had been spent grabbing an hour or three here and there with Aishe.
"You know, you can still come hide in the archives even if I'm being a grouch."
He offered Pak his quick smile along with a half-shrug that sort of said, 'It's the best I can do.'
"And I promise I'll only complain in a very soft voice if you want to drag me out for a bit. Maybe we can come up here and grab a drink."
That perked him up and depressed him at the same time, ironically. The idea of wandering around the mall made him feel a somewhat muted sense of accomplishment, even if he wasn't really there yet, while at the same time, making his stomach roll and insist it wanted nothing to do with getting a drink this high up off the ground. An interesting combination of feelings, to say the least.
“And just what do you think you could do about it? It’s a business things happen in business that aren’t good and unless you’ve taken over Meridian when I wasn’t looking… not your fault.”
And with that, she rolled her eyes at her brother. Since their little blow out, ok her little blow out, Pak had been a bit hesitant to bother Kem preferring to let him set the pace of things rather than risking damaging their friendship. She’d only gone as far as the archive break room figuring if she ran into Kem she ran into him. Of course this wasn’t Kem’s doing, it was all her being a bit paranoid. Oh well shit happened she’d get over it. On the upside telling him to suck it up had taken her mind mostly off the not feeling so hot.
“I don’t know about a drink but I could defiantly use a clove and I know they don’t allow smoking on this bridge. Have you stopped thinking about heights yet or are we still working on this?”
It sounded slightly anxious, even to her. This was all too weird for words, why did she feel like this, it made no sense at all.
He looked at her a bit more closely. She did look somewhat greenish, unless his imagination was playing tricks on him. Kem wasn't sure he'd ever seen Pak look anything like that. Normally when not feeling well, her expressions were: pissy, grouchy, grumpy, digruntled, fristrated, and/or violent. Sick wasn't one of them.
With that in mind he nodded at her. "Yeah. I've had enough. I think I overdid it for day one. If you hadn't come along I'd probably have pulled the handrail off the wall by now."
He was tempted to take the stairs down and go easy on his tortured insides, but his panicky brain was telling him the elevator would get them down to Pak's place much faster and now that he'd decided to get down to safe ground, his mind had seized on that opportunity and was telling him not to waste a single moment.
Rising to his feet and avoiding looking out over the brightly-lit expanse of nighttime Nachton that spread below them, Kem offered Pak his hand.
"I'm still working on it though. Just... maybe not tonight."
Pak rolled her eyes at him. At least he was playing and not being guilty, she approved of that.
Was it wrong that she was –totally- glad he was done with this rubbish. She didn’t think she could manage another minute of it. The elevator would be welcome respite. Pak practically leapt to her feet fishing a clover out from her cigarette case at the same time. She couldn’t light it just her and now but there was nothing in the rules that said she couldn’t hold on to it to make her feel better.
“Well I’m glad you left the hand rail. That would have been fun to explain to maintenance I’m sure.”
Leading them to the elevator she punched the down button and leaned against the wall for support, her knees still felt a bit like Jell-O.
“Maybe a drink after all. Can we schedule this sort of thing next time, you know for a night I haven’t been eaten alive?”
He followed just behind Pak as they left the bridge; that had been part of the problem before. He had gotten as high as he had and then frozen. He'd been having trouble pulling himself away from his nice, safe spot when Pak had come by. Now he just focused on her and did his best to ignore the height they were at. Once they were off the walkway he relaxed, marginally.
Getting back into the elevator proved to be a mistake. The second it began to move downwards his already-frayed nerves immediately jumped to the conclusion that they were falling. Kem pressed himself back against the wall and sternly told his insides to stay put. He'd been up and down the elevators for the past hour... he could handle a few more floors.
He totally missed that Pak had mentioned something about drinking or eating someone alive. Closing and opening his eyes quickly, he managed to choke out, "Sorry Pak... what?"
Fortunately the elevator soon stopped. Kem damn near broke the doors open trying to get out, not really concerned about what floor they'd landed on. He was definitely taking the stairs for the remainder of the night. Sure, they were every bit as high as the elevator, but when push came to shove they were the lesser of two evils... they didn't make him feel like everything had suddenly spun upside down and around.
Fortunately, her rooms weren’t too far from the elevator shaft of doom. Pak idly wondered if that whole jumping up just before the elevator hit the ground myth worked. Probably not, she decided, as she fished out her keys and unlocked the door. Her knowledge of physics wasn’t brilliant but she wasn’t uneducated and the opposing forces seemed off. One too weak one much stronger.
All the blinds were still closed, she hadn’t had a chance to open them today and didn’t feel like doing it now. Instead, she pulled her shoes off set them neatly aside and wandered toward the kitchen lighting up as she did so.
“Which thing didn’t you get? The drink or the scheduling of these therapy sessions.”
"Uh, all of the above," he responded to her. "I was trying not to redecorate the elevator."
Speaking of decorating, he mused, he'd never had occasion to visit Pak's living space. He'd never thought he'd actually make it up thirty-one floors. The daunting number gave him pause, but a glance around quickly confirmed that, thankfully, all the blinds were closed. He felt slightly jumpy, but for the moment at least he could pretend he was on the ground floor, which seemed to help some.
"So... how well-stocked is your kitchen?"
Any normal person would have assumed he was referring to sustenance; blood, food. A person who was vaguely familiar with either Kem or Pak might assume he was referring to alcohol. The individual who had spent far too much time with them would know immediately that Kem was looking for ammunition in the form of pots, pans, and possibly knives.
Payback was payback, after all.
An ashtray quickly found its way on to the counter as Pak started rummaging about, some days she couldn’t quite remember where she put things. Head in a cabinet she called back to Kem.
“So shall we call the next session a week from Friday? And what do you want to drink?”
His question almost made her laugh. As it was she grinned a slightly fangy grin and launched herself out of the cabinets narrowly missing pounding her head on the counter.
“I don’t cook much.” She paused dramatically, “Just enough you should be worried.”
Kem crossed over to the kitchen and arrived in time to see Pak almost take her head off on the cabinet door. "Smooth."
Stepping into the kitchen he gave a little snort. "I didn't expect you cooked much but everyone needs to take measures for self-defense at some point."
Her assertion that he should be worried drew his brows up a bit. "Me? Worried? What, have you been practicing?"
He casually opened a few drawers, searching for anything fun, remembering a certain vampire hurling pots and pans at him. Unless she'd managed to triple her skill somehow though, Kem figured his only real fear was fear of cloaked and stealthed kitchenware. He'd make sure he put his back to a wall, just in case they managed to degenerate into an all-out corningware war. Corningwar? Heh.