It had been a lazy evening once Shay crawled out of bed. She checked her laptop and caught up on the daily news, fed herself, then showered, and did all the things women did to be soft, hairless, and scented sweetly. There wasn't really any reason for her extra ablutions other than she liked the way she felt afterward. She did miss knowing that someone else might also enjoy that she had taken a little more care of herself, but such was life apparently, and certainly no reason to despair.
Standing in front of the large mirror in her bathroom, wrapped in a thick bright purple terry towel, Shay was in the process of drying her hair when she heard the door chimes. It was such an unusual event these days that she remained just staring into the mirror for several seconds before she got her wits about and made a dash to the living room. Checking the peep hole, Shay almost fainted from surprise.
"Alec?"
She whispered loudly, and jerked open the door.
"Alec!"
Pulling him into an energetic hug, she didn't even notice the basket he held. Bending backward to see his face, Shay was happy to know he was doing better than the last time she'd seen him, even if he still had obvious wounds that hadn't fully healed.
Remembering her state of dress, or undress, she pulled him inside her apartment and threw the door shut, causing it to slam loudly, unintentionally. Previous anger over things was gone, replaced with feelings of relief, delight, love, and wonder, though tempered a little with caution. Looking to his hand she saw the basket, and understood his visit was one of pleasure, and not anything she needed to worry about.
Was the old Alec finally back?
"Can you stay? Please, sit? Are you hungry? How are you feeling? Everything going okay?"
She bombarded him with questions as she gestured to the sofa, moved a couple feet back from where she had stood, and wrung her hands lightly in anticipation.
A Study in Miscommunication ((Attn: Shay, invite only))
His jaw dropped. The action was very unusual during the routine oversight that he was expected to do from time to time.
Assigned Personnel listed Shay as being not on leave as it had the last time he had reviewed deployments, but as being active and engaged within the Domicile. And he had not been updated when she arrived.
Of course, Carol was gone. Her replacement would not have known of his interest, and he had not taken the time to meet with the woman personally. Mendoza had handled her training, Williams had signed off on her.
"My God...I am becoming a bureaucrat."
Scowling at himself, he examined his feelings on the matter. Yes, he was still hurt that she would have abandoned him without saying a word so soon after his recovery and her mother's death. Likely she was upset with his allocation of time, and acting out as a manifestation of both those cries for attention and desire for personal freedoms. They talked a lot about those things on daytime television, and the possibility seemed likely. Still. To leave without an update to anyone...very reckless, and now she was...well, what WAS she doing?
Hm...business liaison for Marcallas. Another face Alec did not know.
This administration business had to stop. He needed to know the faces of the members of the clan. He needed to be able to glance at their movements from afar and be able to know how they would react in the moment.
Looking through Marcallas' file, Alec nodded. He was a displaced Anantya, very capable fighter. As long as his intentions were honorable, and they seemed to have always been honorable, Shay should be in pretty good hands as his employee. The files did note that he could have a very confrontational outlook, was a bit abrasive at times, and had a problem with some forms of authority, but that was more an issue for Simon than for Alec. Well, it could still be an issue for Alec depending on the way he treated his subordinates.
Anger conflicting with pride and jealousy, Alec pondered what to do next. Anger won out when he realized that Shay had not come to him when she had returned. To be fair, he was angry at himself as well - he had been so involved in his wolf hunt that he had missed it. Maybe that was another warning sign.
Changing out of his training uniform, he swapped for a charcoal turtleneck, black slacks, shoes and gloves. He declined the goggles. At this point, his recovering from his wounds was common knowledge, and not a shock to people...or an exploitable weakness. Though still eerie and discolored, the orb and lids were mostly functional, and he could compensate with his natural gifts.
Collecting a baguette, buche de chevre cheese and a fruity Bordeaux red, he placed them in a basket, smiling for a moment before it slipped away. The last time he had collected the combination, Ginnie had still been among the living and things were not strained. Realizing that he had packed three glasses, he began to remove one...and stopped. It was somehow appropriate, so he left it in the basket, heading to Shay's apartment. As an afterthought, he rearranged things, placing two of Ginnie's Brownings and two of his knives into the bottom of the basket, covering them with a setting cloth and the previous contents.
As he walked, he discovered he was nervous. Angry, nervous and confused. Not the best place to start. Pacing the halls, Alec tried to collect himself, let his anger pass. Deciding that it was not helping and only served to advertise his agitation, he found his way to the door and had it announce him.
Shay
16 years ago
Alec Devereaux
16 years ago
Blinking, Alec was surprised to find himself in the middle of a...somewhat moist...hug. Was all of the negativity self-contained? Shay certainly did not seem distraught or terribly upset. Was she just off on business, as unlikely as that sounded? Or was she just getting back in touch with herself in a way he could not see from his angle?
Either way, it was a better start than he had hoped. She seemed...happy. But how? Alec struggled with a smile, but his confusion and the wariness of a wounded beast slipped through the cracks. He knew that he had to try to get to the root of things...but was sorely tempted to just abandon it and let the comfortable acceptance back in. Was that wrong, or right?
Following her in, the door closed a bit more heavily than he had anticipated. Anger? Or excitement? Either way, she was full of energy. Vibrant. That was good, was it not? At her questions, his eyes widened and his eyebrow rose, a small smirk playing at the corner of his mouth...which had last given a genuine smile to Ellis, of all creatures. He felt dirty just remembering the conversation. Glancing at her hands, he understood her anticipation.
"If you will let me. I would love to sit. Not especially, but I have provided for us. I am feeling anxious, confused, upset and hopeful. Things are unwell, but things change all the time."
Gracefully, he placed the basket on the center of the coffee table as he spoke, avoiding the books. Glancing, he saw the edge of the Nachton Times poking out from under InStyle, Black Belt, Psychology Today and People...the other stack on the table contained the Art of War, Interview With a Vampire and Twilight. He was familiar with the periodicals, but only the Art of War from the book stack. Glancing again at the vampire book, it seemed someone had beaten Kyle Evans to the press. Pity. One more person to look after. Smiling briefly at Shay, he slid bonelessly down onto one end of the sofa, bottle in hand. It would be easier to serve from the seated position, if not precisely correct.
"Wine? It is a rather lovely red with a hint of licorice and violet to the scent, a fruity flavor. Complements the cheese well. The bread is, of course, fresh...if not warm at this point."
Either way, it was a better start than he had hoped. She seemed...happy. But how? Alec struggled with a smile, but his confusion and the wariness of a wounded beast slipped through the cracks. He knew that he had to try to get to the root of things...but was sorely tempted to just abandon it and let the comfortable acceptance back in. Was that wrong, or right?
Following her in, the door closed a bit more heavily than he had anticipated. Anger? Or excitement? Either way, she was full of energy. Vibrant. That was good, was it not? At her questions, his eyes widened and his eyebrow rose, a small smirk playing at the corner of his mouth...which had last given a genuine smile to Ellis, of all creatures. He felt dirty just remembering the conversation. Glancing at her hands, he understood her anticipation.
"If you will let me. I would love to sit. Not especially, but I have provided for us. I am feeling anxious, confused, upset and hopeful. Things are unwell, but things change all the time."
Gracefully, he placed the basket on the center of the coffee table as he spoke, avoiding the books. Glancing, he saw the edge of the Nachton Times poking out from under InStyle, Black Belt, Psychology Today and People...the other stack on the table contained the Art of War, Interview With a Vampire and Twilight. He was familiar with the periodicals, but only the Art of War from the book stack. Glancing again at the vampire book, it seemed someone had beaten Kyle Evans to the press. Pity. One more person to look after. Smiling briefly at Shay, he slid bonelessly down onto one end of the sofa, bottle in hand. It would be easier to serve from the seated position, if not precisely correct.
"Wine? It is a rather lovely red with a hint of licorice and violet to the scent, a fruity flavor. Complements the cheese well. The bread is, of course, fresh...if not warm at this point."
Shay
16 years ago
The pain she had felt from his lack of attention weeks earlier was still inside her, along with the pain of losing Ginnie, Dayle's absence, and the tremendous loneliness she had been vigorously fighting. But in that exact moment, all of those other feelings paled when compared with the joy Shay felt in seeing Alec, and knowing he was still in her life.
She watched him move to the sofa, and took in his facial expressions. Something seemed out of sorts, but she couldn't put a finger to what it was. Not that she expected him to be over losing Ginnie, or completely beyond the hard road he had traveled since then, but she guessed she had hoped to have seen a little more of the old Alec, the only Alec, she had known.
"Of course I'll let you, I invited you."
That thought distracted her briefly, and she explained why.
"Do you know there are some theories about vampires that say you cannot go into someone's home unless you're invited?"
It was still a passion of Shay's to gather as much information as she could, trying to build her life from the void it was before Ginnie had 'given her life'. She read a lot, watched a lot of television, and dvds, and tried to vary the subjects, but had to admit one of her favorite arenas was what passed as vampire lore.
Snapping back to Alec, his words finally found purchase in her mind.
"Anxious? Confused? Upset? Are you not recovering?"
Her questions seemed to spur on only more questions, following his questions.
Without too much conscious thought, Shay went into her kitchen and came out with one martini glass, and one champagne glass, as well as a paring knife, and cork screw.
"I'm afraid I haven't really done much to my kitchen, including buying any decent plates, or glasses. I think I had two of these champagne ones originally, but then somewhere along the way...well, one is all I have now."
She smiled apologetically, and set everything on the coffee table in front of him, after pushing some of the reading materials off to the side. The roll of paper towels she had tucked under her arm was placed along side the other things, before she moved to sit on the sofa herself. Before she settled she was back up and into the kitchen, deciding a couple plates might be better than the towels for bread and cheese.
"I don't entertain much either, as you can see."
When she was again sitting, she debated offering to open the wine, and help him, concerned with making him feel more at ease, as well as making him feel useless. She could see it could be a fine line between the two.
"Why are you confused?"
Maybe taking things more slowly would be better...
She watched him move to the sofa, and took in his facial expressions. Something seemed out of sorts, but she couldn't put a finger to what it was. Not that she expected him to be over losing Ginnie, or completely beyond the hard road he had traveled since then, but she guessed she had hoped to have seen a little more of the old Alec, the only Alec, she had known.
"Of course I'll let you, I invited you."
That thought distracted her briefly, and she explained why.
"Do you know there are some theories about vampires that say you cannot go into someone's home unless you're invited?"
It was still a passion of Shay's to gather as much information as she could, trying to build her life from the void it was before Ginnie had 'given her life'. She read a lot, watched a lot of television, and dvds, and tried to vary the subjects, but had to admit one of her favorite arenas was what passed as vampire lore.
Snapping back to Alec, his words finally found purchase in her mind.
"Anxious? Confused? Upset? Are you not recovering?"
Her questions seemed to spur on only more questions, following his questions.
Without too much conscious thought, Shay went into her kitchen and came out with one martini glass, and one champagne glass, as well as a paring knife, and cork screw.
"I'm afraid I haven't really done much to my kitchen, including buying any decent plates, or glasses. I think I had two of these champagne ones originally, but then somewhere along the way...well, one is all I have now."
She smiled apologetically, and set everything on the coffee table in front of him, after pushing some of the reading materials off to the side. The roll of paper towels she had tucked under her arm was placed along side the other things, before she moved to sit on the sofa herself. Before she settled she was back up and into the kitchen, deciding a couple plates might be better than the towels for bread and cheese.
"I don't entertain much either, as you can see."
When she was again sitting, she debated offering to open the wine, and help him, concerned with making him feel more at ease, as well as making him feel useless. She could see it could be a fine line between the two.
"Why are you confused?"
Maybe taking things more slowly would be better...
Alec Devereaux
16 years ago
He could not help himself. He chuckled at her revelation.
"Well, humans have their little fancies. It is a good thing I am not one for superstitions in most cases, or I would be out of a job. Perhaps it only applies to dwellings without windows. I rarely use a door when a perfectly good window is available. In fact, I rarely use doors unless invited. Perhaps they are confused by our politeness."
He was pleased to see her endless curiosity - yet another trait they shared. The discovery of new knowledge and things was...well, had been...a love of his. Now...that was an interesting realization. He smirked. Flags had been flying everywhere recently, and now they were settling home. He had departed, in some ways, from who he was at the core. He would have to see to that, somehow, and see all of the ramifications before proceeding.
At the worry in her voice, he shook his head, and gestured for her to sit down.
"No, no...my physical recovery, though slow by the standards of our kind, is more rapid that I had hoped. Oh, don not worry yourself - I brought the proper glasses. I seem to have neglected the corkscrew and plates, however. Napkins are present as well. Thank you."
At the mention of confusion, his eye twitched slightly. It was as good a place to start as any, he supposed, but perhaps not the best. Forging ahead, he took up the corkscrew, and opened the bottle.
"I am confused for a lot of reasons, I suppose. My actions lately have been motivated from a source I am uncertain of. A new facet developing uncontrolled within me. Activities within the Clan have likewise been somewhat...chaotic and disorderly. Well, more so than usual. The whys of things elude me. The reason I am here is also one of confusion..."
Pausing for a moment, he deftly removed the cork and poured the wine, filling the three glasses that he had brought. Passing one to Shay, he set one in the center of the table and took up the last. Opting against food for himself, he tore a piece of bread for Shay, placed it on a plate, and spread some of the creamy cheese onto it. Passing the plate to Shay, he continued.
"I do not understand fully why you left without any warning. I have suspicions, but I find that I would rather know precisely than engage in speculation when I know my faculties are not at optimal performance. I find that I am angry and felt abandoned by the action, though I suspect that it was cultivated by my own neglect of my responsibilities to you, induced by the loss that we have both suffered. I suspect that you likely felt the same way, and for that disregard I apologize. In my haste to lash out, I did not think to cherish that which I had, and that was wrong. I suspect part may have been a desire to break free of the restrictions that we had placed on you as well."
Sighing, Alec shook his head.
"See, it is like a compulsion. I am trying to keep from speculating. I would simply like to know, and go from there."
As much as it may hurt, it would likely serve to heal.
"Well, humans have their little fancies. It is a good thing I am not one for superstitions in most cases, or I would be out of a job. Perhaps it only applies to dwellings without windows. I rarely use a door when a perfectly good window is available. In fact, I rarely use doors unless invited. Perhaps they are confused by our politeness."
He was pleased to see her endless curiosity - yet another trait they shared. The discovery of new knowledge and things was...well, had been...a love of his. Now...that was an interesting realization. He smirked. Flags had been flying everywhere recently, and now they were settling home. He had departed, in some ways, from who he was at the core. He would have to see to that, somehow, and see all of the ramifications before proceeding.
At the worry in her voice, he shook his head, and gestured for her to sit down.
"No, no...my physical recovery, though slow by the standards of our kind, is more rapid that I had hoped. Oh, don not worry yourself - I brought the proper glasses. I seem to have neglected the corkscrew and plates, however. Napkins are present as well. Thank you."
At the mention of confusion, his eye twitched slightly. It was as good a place to start as any, he supposed, but perhaps not the best. Forging ahead, he took up the corkscrew, and opened the bottle.
"I am confused for a lot of reasons, I suppose. My actions lately have been motivated from a source I am uncertain of. A new facet developing uncontrolled within me. Activities within the Clan have likewise been somewhat...chaotic and disorderly. Well, more so than usual. The whys of things elude me. The reason I am here is also one of confusion..."
Pausing for a moment, he deftly removed the cork and poured the wine, filling the three glasses that he had brought. Passing one to Shay, he set one in the center of the table and took up the last. Opting against food for himself, he tore a piece of bread for Shay, placed it on a plate, and spread some of the creamy cheese onto it. Passing the plate to Shay, he continued.
"I do not understand fully why you left without any warning. I have suspicions, but I find that I would rather know precisely than engage in speculation when I know my faculties are not at optimal performance. I find that I am angry and felt abandoned by the action, though I suspect that it was cultivated by my own neglect of my responsibilities to you, induced by the loss that we have both suffered. I suspect that you likely felt the same way, and for that disregard I apologize. In my haste to lash out, I did not think to cherish that which I had, and that was wrong. I suspect part may have been a desire to break free of the restrictions that we had placed on you as well."
Sighing, Alec shook his head.
"See, it is like a compulsion. I am trying to keep from speculating. I would simply like to know, and go from there."
As much as it may hurt, it would likely serve to heal.
Shay
16 years ago
When he mentioned having glasses and napkins, Shay really looked at the basket, and saw he spoke the truth. The third glass left her confused, though she figured it had been a mistake born of habit, or maybe a way for Alec to pay tribute to Ginnie. She had read about some things people did as ways of traditions, and tributes, that left her perplexed, but accepting without judgment. Everyone was different, everyone had different ways to do things, one didn't make another right or wrong, good or bad. It was as it was.
"...a source you're uncertain of?" Shay lived most of her life in some state of confusion, but she had reasons, she had so many things to learn yet. Of course she shared a similar history with Alec, but assumed he had been around long enough now to resolve most of his issues. It was certainly understandable that with what he went through he could have new sources of confusion, but for whatever reason she hoped he would be more able to deal with them. Maybe not.
And 'a facet developing'...that sounded a little ominous to Shay. The chaos in the clan caused her no concern...from what she had been able to learn, Tacharan seemed to have somewhat of a chaotic history, but was surviving none the less.
"You're here because you're confused?"
Ugh, Shay thought things were looking up when Alec arrived...now she wasn't at all so sure.
She took the glass of wine, tapped the rim of it against the one he'd placed on the table, then reached over to tap his as well.
"To mom."
She saluted, simply and quickly, then sipped the burgundy colored liquid, and noted it was very good. When she realized her mouth was partially hanging open after she swallowed, Shay almost laughed.
"Without warning? YOU felt abandoned?" She was questioning him for clarification, while at the same time questioning herself to try and figure out where his anger, and undoubted pain were coming from. Some of what he said was clouded by her own pain and returning anger, and at least she had the wherewithal to understand that, as it kept her from lashing back in anger.
"I thought my note to you was pretty explanatory...I'm sorry if I came off angry...I tried to keep it as matter of fact as I could. I'm sorry if it wasn't written in a very loving tone, but yes Alec, I was hurt. I really tried to do everything I could to help you when you were in the hospital. I know you lost more than I could ever imagine when you lost Ginnie...I lost too, but I'll concede nothing like you did. Never the less, you lost Ginnie, and I lost both Ginnie, Dayle, and you. I was scared Alec, and so very lonely. To preserve my own sanity, and try to come to terms with things, I had to get away. So as soon as I knew you were going to heal, I did, but I told you all that in the letter I left for you at Ginnie's...I'm sorry you didn't feel that was sufficient warning."
Gulping down the remaining wine in her glass, Shay stood up.
"I think I need to get dressed. I'll be right back."
Pulling the robe tightly around her, Shay went into her bedroom as quickly as she could, not wanting Alec to see the tears that were already sliding down her cheeks.
"...a source you're uncertain of?" Shay lived most of her life in some state of confusion, but she had reasons, she had so many things to learn yet. Of course she shared a similar history with Alec, but assumed he had been around long enough now to resolve most of his issues. It was certainly understandable that with what he went through he could have new sources of confusion, but for whatever reason she hoped he would be more able to deal with them. Maybe not.
And 'a facet developing'...that sounded a little ominous to Shay. The chaos in the clan caused her no concern...from what she had been able to learn, Tacharan seemed to have somewhat of a chaotic history, but was surviving none the less.
"You're here because you're confused?"
Ugh, Shay thought things were looking up when Alec arrived...now she wasn't at all so sure.
She took the glass of wine, tapped the rim of it against the one he'd placed on the table, then reached over to tap his as well.
"To mom."
She saluted, simply and quickly, then sipped the burgundy colored liquid, and noted it was very good. When she realized her mouth was partially hanging open after she swallowed, Shay almost laughed.
"Without warning? YOU felt abandoned?" She was questioning him for clarification, while at the same time questioning herself to try and figure out where his anger, and undoubted pain were coming from. Some of what he said was clouded by her own pain and returning anger, and at least she had the wherewithal to understand that, as it kept her from lashing back in anger.
"I thought my note to you was pretty explanatory...I'm sorry if I came off angry...I tried to keep it as matter of fact as I could. I'm sorry if it wasn't written in a very loving tone, but yes Alec, I was hurt. I really tried to do everything I could to help you when you were in the hospital. I know you lost more than I could ever imagine when you lost Ginnie...I lost too, but I'll concede nothing like you did. Never the less, you lost Ginnie, and I lost both Ginnie, Dayle, and you. I was scared Alec, and so very lonely. To preserve my own sanity, and try to come to terms with things, I had to get away. So as soon as I knew you were going to heal, I did, but I told you all that in the letter I left for you at Ginnie's...I'm sorry you didn't feel that was sufficient warning."
Gulping down the remaining wine in her glass, Shay stood up.
"I think I need to get dressed. I'll be right back."
Pulling the robe tightly around her, Shay went into her bedroom as quickly as she could, not wanting Alec to see the tears that were already sliding down her cheeks.
Alec Devereaux
16 years ago
Shaking his head at her question, he simply said
"No...the confusion is secondary. I am here because I realize we have hurt one another through various interactions and I wish to repair things. I think that it is possible, and I hope that you do as well. I need things to be well between us."
Taking the toast with her, Alec nodded.
"To love."
At the sudden exhalation, his eyebrows raised slightly. The resulting rush of words was a sea of emotion, and he tried to keep up. Her outpouring was heartfelt and angry and frustrated...and confusing. Blinking slowly as she headed out of the room, he considered the content of her words, putting them back together. Something had been missing. Setting down his glass, he stood walking to the doorway. Though he wanted to ask about more points, he needed clarification on one in particular before proceeding. Placing a gloved hand lightly on the frame, he asked, voice slightly tight
"Shay...what note?"
"No...the confusion is secondary. I am here because I realize we have hurt one another through various interactions and I wish to repair things. I think that it is possible, and I hope that you do as well. I need things to be well between us."
Taking the toast with her, Alec nodded.
"To love."
At the sudden exhalation, his eyebrows raised slightly. The resulting rush of words was a sea of emotion, and he tried to keep up. Her outpouring was heartfelt and angry and frustrated...and confusing. Blinking slowly as she headed out of the room, he considered the content of her words, putting them back together. Something had been missing. Setting down his glass, he stood walking to the doorway. Though he wanted to ask about more points, he needed clarification on one in particular before proceeding. Placing a gloved hand lightly on the frame, he asked, voice slightly tight
"Shay...what note?"
Shay
16 years ago
"What note?! THE note...the note I wrote you, telling you about why I was leaving...the note I left you at Ginnie's...the note..."
Banging around in her room, pulling clothes from the closet, and her dresser, tossing them on the bed, yanking off her robe, Shay's actions mimicked the jumbled way her mind was moving, feelings jerking through her like her physical actions reflected. By the time his words, and her organization of them became clear, she was standing in her bra, panties, with her head and one arm sticking from her sweater. She looked at Alec in the doorway, an expression of fear, and disbelief quite evident on her face.
"You didn't get the note...oh my god...you DIDN'T get the note I left you!"
Shoving her remaining arm through her shirt, Shay ran to Alec, embracing him fiercely again.
Tears flooded her eyes, and spilled over onto his shoulder. Shay squeezed her dad close, patting him comfortingly, while sobbing.
"I'm sorry...I'm so sorry...I guess that was pretty stupid, writing you and leaving it there, but it never occurred to me to send the letter anywhere else. You...Ginnie...I just always saw you there, at her place, as if it was yours too."
Her own pain was now magnified as she imagined how awful he must have felt thinking she had just left town without a care for him at all. She had thought he remained away because he'd been too caught up in his own grief, and anger to be bothered with her. It was shocking to find out he, though not through anything she'd done intentionally, thought she had done the same.
Still crying, and slowly hiccuping, Shay release him, and moved to sit on the edge of her bed as she continued to try and make sense of what happened.
"Wow...you really must have thought I was being a thoughtless shit."
Banging around in her room, pulling clothes from the closet, and her dresser, tossing them on the bed, yanking off her robe, Shay's actions mimicked the jumbled way her mind was moving, feelings jerking through her like her physical actions reflected. By the time his words, and her organization of them became clear, she was standing in her bra, panties, with her head and one arm sticking from her sweater. She looked at Alec in the doorway, an expression of fear, and disbelief quite evident on her face.
"You didn't get the note...oh my god...you DIDN'T get the note I left you!"
Shoving her remaining arm through her shirt, Shay ran to Alec, embracing him fiercely again.
Tears flooded her eyes, and spilled over onto his shoulder. Shay squeezed her dad close, patting him comfortingly, while sobbing.
"I'm sorry...I'm so sorry...I guess that was pretty stupid, writing you and leaving it there, but it never occurred to me to send the letter anywhere else. You...Ginnie...I just always saw you there, at her place, as if it was yours too."
Her own pain was now magnified as she imagined how awful he must have felt thinking she had just left town without a care for him at all. She had thought he remained away because he'd been too caught up in his own grief, and anger to be bothered with her. It was shocking to find out he, though not through anything she'd done intentionally, thought she had done the same.
Still crying, and slowly hiccuping, Shay release him, and moved to sit on the edge of her bed as she continued to try and make sense of what happened.
"Wow...you really must have thought I was being a thoughtless shit."
Alec Devereaux
16 years ago
Shay was becoming increasingly erratic and agitated. It was clear that she had relied on something that had not occurred. Ah. She had left the note in their apartment...and Alec had been unable to pass those doors for the onslaught of sensory input and memory. It was not one of his prouder moments, falling fetal in his entryway, reliving so much, quivering like an abused child, but there it was. Suddenly, Shay was coming toward him, looking shocked.
As she clutched and cried, Alec sighed lightly. At least things made more sense now.
"It did make sense, Shay. I was just too weak to find it. The memories are still too strong there for me to endure. I am incapable of dulling my senses enough to block out the scents and my mind will not block out the recall. It is not a bad thing that the apartment is so well laced with her...I am simply not prepared for it yet."
Smiling sadly, he looked at their daughter.
"No, I thought you were being a teenager. Well, okay, perhaps a bit, but I had certainly done my fair share of contributing to the issue. Regardless of what I thought, I knew I was in part responsible as well. I am still sorry for that, and glad we have found the root of the miscommunication."
Releasing her, he smiled, and took a step back.
"Well. I am no longer confused on this matter, so tell me about your adventure."
Moving back over to the couch, he took up his glass and sipped lightly. The evening was already looking up.
As she clutched and cried, Alec sighed lightly. At least things made more sense now.
"It did make sense, Shay. I was just too weak to find it. The memories are still too strong there for me to endure. I am incapable of dulling my senses enough to block out the scents and my mind will not block out the recall. It is not a bad thing that the apartment is so well laced with her...I am simply not prepared for it yet."
Smiling sadly, he looked at their daughter.
"No, I thought you were being a teenager. Well, okay, perhaps a bit, but I had certainly done my fair share of contributing to the issue. Regardless of what I thought, I knew I was in part responsible as well. I am still sorry for that, and glad we have found the root of the miscommunication."
Releasing her, he smiled, and took a step back.
"Well. I am no longer confused on this matter, so tell me about your adventure."
Moving back over to the couch, he took up his glass and sipped lightly. The evening was already looking up.
Shay
16 years ago
The comment about her being a teenager did have her smiling for a couple seconds. It sounded like something Alec might have said to her months ago. Tonight though, she didn't give him a bad time about it.
Glad to see he seemed to be a little bit closer to normal now, Shay wished she could get her own self back to where she had been when she returned to Nachton. But after finding out how upset Alec had been at her departure, and how much he was still hurting about losing Ginnie, she knew it was going to take her more than a few minutes.
Pulling on her jeans, she padded barefoot back into the living room, and frowned as she sat next to him on the sofa again. She picked up her glass of wine and took another sip, then one more slightly larger one.
"This is probably going to sound strange, but I really don't remember much of my time away from Nachton. A lot of it was spent just kind of wandering. I wanted to see places I've never been, and was curious to know how they might differ from home, but almost everywhere I went I saw something that reminded me of you, or Dayle...or mom. Who would have thought that would happen in places away from home, but it did. So then I would find myself not paying any attention at all to the things around me, instead stuck inside my head, hanging out with all you guys again."
She watched him, watching her, hoping what she said didn't make her sound like someone ready for a padded room. When she spoke again she lowered her head and focused on her wine glass.
"It's hard to explain, but I left because I thought I needed to get away from all this, you, and what had happened, but that didn't work. It all followed along with me. No matter where I went, I couldn't escape any of it."
Sitting sideways on the sofa, facing him with one leg tucked beneath her, and the other hanging off the front of the couch, Shay twisted the glass in her lap by the stem. Again she found herself fixated on the glass, and her thoughts rather than what was around her. Sitting up straighter, Shay looked at Alec again.
"But it seems having that time to think about things, without distractions, turned out to be what I needed. Eventually I did get to 'see' some places, but better yet, I came to the conclusion that no matter what I might have done differently myself...what happened here would have still happened. I don't know if you blame yourself, but the same thing applies to you Alec. Nothing you could have done differently would have change the outcome for Mom."
Leaning forward, Shay put a soft hand on Alec's leg, and rubbed it affectionately...trying to offer the consolation she knew he probably wouldn't feel yet, or accept until he had truly come to terms with life as it was now, on his own terms. Yet feeling the need to do so anyway.
"Anyway, I made it west, to San Francisco, then went north, up to Seattle. I found I like the coastal areas better than the inland states, and enjoyed the nightlife out there. And I know I'm no expert...I didn't really spend too much time in any one place, but I got the impression that people out west are more accepting of those who are different..."
Her judgement was truly biased, but it was born from her limited experiences, and that was all she had to draw from. At least she was smart enough to know her opinions were biased, and why, and not rule out middle America because of them.
"Some day, when I feel whole, I'd like to make another trip, and spend more time really seeing what's out there."
Sorry she couldn't offer him much else in the way of her trip, Shay now turned the tables, hoping Alec might open up to her about what he had done to heal as much as he had, and what he had done to refocus his own energies.
"And you? Are you back to work yet?" She wanted to know if anything had been done to locate her mother's killers, but wasn't about to openly ask him. She wanted to help him heal, not mess around with wounds that were obviously still raw.
Talking about work reminded her of a recent incident.
"I did see Carol...the woman who works in the Tacharan office...in a bar recently. She wasn't doing well at all. Evidently something was eating at her, and she wound up really tying one on. I did check the next day and found she was still around, so I know she made it home okay. But she was really out there. Is she human, do you think?"
Something about Carol made Shay think she was vulnerable, but because Shay herself had felt enough pain to want to block it out, she couldn't figure out why she thought the way she did. Humans weren't the only ones who could be vulnerable.
"I like her, and would have enjoyed getting to know her better, but she wasn't in the mood, I guess."
Shay laughed softly as she remembered that evening. She felt bad for the pretty blond but had to admit her actions had been rather comical.
"She fell over the bar at one point."
Shaking her head in amusement, she sipped her wine and realized her glass was empty. Refilling it, she also reached over and refilled Alec's glass.
Glad to see he seemed to be a little bit closer to normal now, Shay wished she could get her own self back to where she had been when she returned to Nachton. But after finding out how upset Alec had been at her departure, and how much he was still hurting about losing Ginnie, she knew it was going to take her more than a few minutes.
Pulling on her jeans, she padded barefoot back into the living room, and frowned as she sat next to him on the sofa again. She picked up her glass of wine and took another sip, then one more slightly larger one.
"This is probably going to sound strange, but I really don't remember much of my time away from Nachton. A lot of it was spent just kind of wandering. I wanted to see places I've never been, and was curious to know how they might differ from home, but almost everywhere I went I saw something that reminded me of you, or Dayle...or mom. Who would have thought that would happen in places away from home, but it did. So then I would find myself not paying any attention at all to the things around me, instead stuck inside my head, hanging out with all you guys again."
She watched him, watching her, hoping what she said didn't make her sound like someone ready for a padded room. When she spoke again she lowered her head and focused on her wine glass.
"It's hard to explain, but I left because I thought I needed to get away from all this, you, and what had happened, but that didn't work. It all followed along with me. No matter where I went, I couldn't escape any of it."
Sitting sideways on the sofa, facing him with one leg tucked beneath her, and the other hanging off the front of the couch, Shay twisted the glass in her lap by the stem. Again she found herself fixated on the glass, and her thoughts rather than what was around her. Sitting up straighter, Shay looked at Alec again.
"But it seems having that time to think about things, without distractions, turned out to be what I needed. Eventually I did get to 'see' some places, but better yet, I came to the conclusion that no matter what I might have done differently myself...what happened here would have still happened. I don't know if you blame yourself, but the same thing applies to you Alec. Nothing you could have done differently would have change the outcome for Mom."
Leaning forward, Shay put a soft hand on Alec's leg, and rubbed it affectionately...trying to offer the consolation she knew he probably wouldn't feel yet, or accept until he had truly come to terms with life as it was now, on his own terms. Yet feeling the need to do so anyway.
"Anyway, I made it west, to San Francisco, then went north, up to Seattle. I found I like the coastal areas better than the inland states, and enjoyed the nightlife out there. And I know I'm no expert...I didn't really spend too much time in any one place, but I got the impression that people out west are more accepting of those who are different..."
Her judgement was truly biased, but it was born from her limited experiences, and that was all she had to draw from. At least she was smart enough to know her opinions were biased, and why, and not rule out middle America because of them.
"Some day, when I feel whole, I'd like to make another trip, and spend more time really seeing what's out there."
Sorry she couldn't offer him much else in the way of her trip, Shay now turned the tables, hoping Alec might open up to her about what he had done to heal as much as he had, and what he had done to refocus his own energies.
"And you? Are you back to work yet?" She wanted to know if anything had been done to locate her mother's killers, but wasn't about to openly ask him. She wanted to help him heal, not mess around with wounds that were obviously still raw.
Talking about work reminded her of a recent incident.
"I did see Carol...the woman who works in the Tacharan office...in a bar recently. She wasn't doing well at all. Evidently something was eating at her, and she wound up really tying one on. I did check the next day and found she was still around, so I know she made it home okay. But she was really out there. Is she human, do you think?"
Something about Carol made Shay think she was vulnerable, but because Shay herself had felt enough pain to want to block it out, she couldn't figure out why she thought the way she did. Humans weren't the only ones who could be vulnerable.
"I like her, and would have enjoyed getting to know her better, but she wasn't in the mood, I guess."
Shay laughed softly as she remembered that evening. She felt bad for the pretty blond but had to admit her actions had been rather comical.
"She fell over the bar at one point."
Shaking her head in amusement, she sipped her wine and realized her glass was empty. Refilling it, she also reached over and refilled Alec's glass.
Alec Devereaux
16 years ago
Wandering.
Alec had wandered, as well, shortly after his creation. He had not been as self-aware as Shay had been. Closer to an animal, really. Very much a clean slate - a predator with none of the social niceties programmed in. Taken in, re-tuned, cleaned up somewhat, and cut back loose, but with a hunger for knowledge.
Smiling, Alec wondered if this period of wandering and hunger for new experiences and studies was true for all of the species, just the small subset to which he and Shay belonged, or pure coincidence. He would have a long time to gather information on the trend, either way.
The idea that you brought your family and friends with you anywhere you went (along with your problems, hopes, fears and everything else) was not new to Alec, but it was strange to hear it discussed with real life examples. It had always been textbook for him before this, and his own experiences were too scattered to recall. Alec also knew about the need to take that step back and evaluate from a more abstract position as well. To him, it seemed that his life was simply a series of reactions...very little time for active planning and execution. Perhaps that was how many people felt - he knew others were surprised when he mentioned this sensation of being constantly reacting within his own life due to how he came across.
Shay's take was much different than his own on Ginnie's death. Shay, like Alec in his ideal intellectualized version, felt that there was nothing more to be done and assigned no blame. The emotional Alec felt very, very differently. It felt fully responsible, as Ginnie would not have been taking that step back from her work that its presence caused. She would not have been at the meeting, there would have been no void to fill, and so competition would have not been able to ramp up and terminate in such a fashion. Because it felt guilty, it felt a need to redeem itself, and sought to do so by the destruction of the physical agents of her death.
Lost in his own thoughts for a moment, Alec started a bit at the contact. Placing his hand over Shay's, he nodded.
"Part of me agrees, part of me does not. Intellectually, I know you are right, but emotionally things are a bit more difficult."
Listening to her speak of places he had never been, Alec smiled. He liked the idea of a place where people were more accepting of differences and strife was reduced. Perhaps they were just more practiced at not showing it off for tourists, but it was a pleasant thought.
"My own wanderings that I can actively recall have been confined to the South and the Eastern Seaboard. I am glad that you enjoyed the West, and find value there. It is important to be able to see the good of an area and a people. Though I enjoyed the social niceties in the South, I find the directness of the Northeast to be a greater comfort. Perhaps soon...in the larger scheme of things...life will be quiet enough for a good vacation. We can explore someplace new, or visit some of these other places we have learned about in our wanderings."
God knew how much Alec could use the step back. But could he really take it? Leave Simon alone, with Ellis, dog situation unresolved? Not likely. But it was a pleasant thought. Taking his hand back, he sipped at the wine, unsure how to answer her questions. After a brief pause, he decided to be completely open about the issues.
"I have been active, but I find that I have been putting energy into places incorrectly. I am, frankly, worried about me. I have poured myself into the more militant aspects of the clan. I have killed many of the beasts, but it never seems to be enough. I have taken joy in the aspects of my work that used to terrify me. I view the intelligence gathering as a necessity, but no longer a joy in this one area of my life. I worry because I have stopped looking for understanding and weakening of the opponent, but more for their destruction. It bothers me, and recently I discovered why. It is Old Tacharan talking, not new. This is not how Simon would want it, not how I would want it, not how Ginnie wanted it. It is how Ellis would have directed it. And I have no idea how to steer things back on track."
And now Ellis is back, for better or for worse.
"I mean, I do not recall the last time I simply participated in a bit of breaking and entering, simply for the joy of the work. There must be something wrong with me."
He said the last with a quirky smile, but it slipped.
"You know, I do not recall the last time I stopped in on that family I had been watching, either. I wonder what they have been up to."
Wincing at the mention of Carol, Alec nodded. He, of course, knew exactly what was wrong, and had no idea whatsoever to do for her.
"Yes...Carol is human, though that decision has always baffled me. She had the choice, as far as I can tell, and chose to stay among the living and serve the clan in that regard. Right now, she is in quite a lot of emotional pain, and likely thankful for that decision. I do hope that it is not one she comes to regret as her body begins to age and her mind starts to deteriorate."
Looking into Shay's eyes, he smiled sadly.
"I understand that emotional pain takes longer to salve than physical harm. I also hear that time wears both down eventually."
Alec had wandered, as well, shortly after his creation. He had not been as self-aware as Shay had been. Closer to an animal, really. Very much a clean slate - a predator with none of the social niceties programmed in. Taken in, re-tuned, cleaned up somewhat, and cut back loose, but with a hunger for knowledge.
Smiling, Alec wondered if this period of wandering and hunger for new experiences and studies was true for all of the species, just the small subset to which he and Shay belonged, or pure coincidence. He would have a long time to gather information on the trend, either way.
The idea that you brought your family and friends with you anywhere you went (along with your problems, hopes, fears and everything else) was not new to Alec, but it was strange to hear it discussed with real life examples. It had always been textbook for him before this, and his own experiences were too scattered to recall. Alec also knew about the need to take that step back and evaluate from a more abstract position as well. To him, it seemed that his life was simply a series of reactions...very little time for active planning and execution. Perhaps that was how many people felt - he knew others were surprised when he mentioned this sensation of being constantly reacting within his own life due to how he came across.
Shay's take was much different than his own on Ginnie's death. Shay, like Alec in his ideal intellectualized version, felt that there was nothing more to be done and assigned no blame. The emotional Alec felt very, very differently. It felt fully responsible, as Ginnie would not have been taking that step back from her work that its presence caused. She would not have been at the meeting, there would have been no void to fill, and so competition would have not been able to ramp up and terminate in such a fashion. Because it felt guilty, it felt a need to redeem itself, and sought to do so by the destruction of the physical agents of her death.
Lost in his own thoughts for a moment, Alec started a bit at the contact. Placing his hand over Shay's, he nodded.
"Part of me agrees, part of me does not. Intellectually, I know you are right, but emotionally things are a bit more difficult."
Listening to her speak of places he had never been, Alec smiled. He liked the idea of a place where people were more accepting of differences and strife was reduced. Perhaps they were just more practiced at not showing it off for tourists, but it was a pleasant thought.
"My own wanderings that I can actively recall have been confined to the South and the Eastern Seaboard. I am glad that you enjoyed the West, and find value there. It is important to be able to see the good of an area and a people. Though I enjoyed the social niceties in the South, I find the directness of the Northeast to be a greater comfort. Perhaps soon...in the larger scheme of things...life will be quiet enough for a good vacation. We can explore someplace new, or visit some of these other places we have learned about in our wanderings."
God knew how much Alec could use the step back. But could he really take it? Leave Simon alone, with Ellis, dog situation unresolved? Not likely. But it was a pleasant thought. Taking his hand back, he sipped at the wine, unsure how to answer her questions. After a brief pause, he decided to be completely open about the issues.
"I have been active, but I find that I have been putting energy into places incorrectly. I am, frankly, worried about me. I have poured myself into the more militant aspects of the clan. I have killed many of the beasts, but it never seems to be enough. I have taken joy in the aspects of my work that used to terrify me. I view the intelligence gathering as a necessity, but no longer a joy in this one area of my life. I worry because I have stopped looking for understanding and weakening of the opponent, but more for their destruction. It bothers me, and recently I discovered why. It is Old Tacharan talking, not new. This is not how Simon would want it, not how I would want it, not how Ginnie wanted it. It is how Ellis would have directed it. And I have no idea how to steer things back on track."
And now Ellis is back, for better or for worse.
"I mean, I do not recall the last time I simply participated in a bit of breaking and entering, simply for the joy of the work. There must be something wrong with me."
He said the last with a quirky smile, but it slipped.
"You know, I do not recall the last time I stopped in on that family I had been watching, either. I wonder what they have been up to."
Wincing at the mention of Carol, Alec nodded. He, of course, knew exactly what was wrong, and had no idea whatsoever to do for her.
"Yes...Carol is human, though that decision has always baffled me. She had the choice, as far as I can tell, and chose to stay among the living and serve the clan in that regard. Right now, she is in quite a lot of emotional pain, and likely thankful for that decision. I do hope that it is not one she comes to regret as her body begins to age and her mind starts to deteriorate."
Looking into Shay's eyes, he smiled sadly.
"I understand that emotional pain takes longer to salve than physical harm. I also hear that time wears both down eventually."
Shay
16 years ago
"Nothing logical about emotions...a lot of the time anyway..." Shay nodded in agreement.
"That was something I came to accept, but still don't really understand. Why is it we can see the reasons behind something, yet refuse to accept that it is? Not that I know any reason why someone would kill mom, so I do see where that is different. But those reasons aside...I know she's gone, and I know it wasn't her choice, but..."
Shay found the next bit of information both real, and totally ridiculous, yet unfamiliar with a way to make it more sane, or rational.
"I'm angry with her Alec..." She left out the part about being angry with him too. He was angry enough with himself, that was evident. Shay didn't see where heaping her own irrate feelings on him would help, or change anything. She might not be able to do anything for Ginnie now, but maybe she could still offer Alec something.
Throwing her hands up in frustration, Shay recalled going over and over these thoughts while she traveled, and had yet to come up with any resolution. Eventually she had just decided to put it all out of her mind, with hopes that it would soon fade away. It hadn't.
"I know it's irrational...but there you have it. Yet another reason why I came home. The answers I went looking for just weren't out there.
It doesn't surprise me that you've had trouble focusing on what you used to, and are now looking elsewhere. What we did before didn't work did it?" Her own guilt, though logically understood to be misguided, remained with her as well. Maybe that was why she could see it in Alec so clearly. But there were things in Alec's words that terrified Shay too. Words that evoked feelings she had felt, but was apparently better suited to deal with, and tamper down inside her.
"Maybe there is no point in looking for understanding, when we know there isn't any to be found. It's easier to just destroy something when it has already destroyed something in us, or of ours. Why would we care what the reasons are? We already know there are no reasons that would bring Ginnie back, or that would alleviate any of our pain that resulted from her death. I suppose I can see why at this point its all about taking from them, what they took from us, reasons and consequences be damned."
Her thoughts were coming out now in a free flowing stream of consciousness, much like they had before when she had been on her own, trying to make heads or tails from things, but now there was someone to hear them besides her. Maybe if Alec could see things from her eyes, he would gain insight into his feelings, they way she just had.
"Unfortunately, no matter what we think, or how, nothing will change what happened."
And that was what she had ultimately come to understand. It didn't look likely that this thought would be changing any time soon.
Words of Simon, and Ellis distracted Shay. Through Dayle and just being in the Domicile, Shay knew of Simon, and Ellis, albeit only sketches of descriptions. However, it seemed whenever she heard people talking about Ellis, Shay noted what she could only interpret as being fear in their tones.
Now, hearing Alec refer to Ellis as someone who would have been behind his new tatics...tactics of someone bent on destroying...those earlier exhibited fears seemed justified. Or reinforced at the least.
"This Ellis woman? She used to run Tacharan? I thought I heard something about her dying? For real I mean...she's back? Will Simon keep his position with the clan?"
Her assumptions about Carol were verified, but even being human, Shay still thought she would like to get to know the woman better. Unfortunately, for now anyway, it seemed Carol had other things to worry about, and nothing Shay felt she could help with. What did Shay know about humans?
"I would truly think time must heal, otherwise I don't see how our kind would remain around as long as we do."
That last thought was one she didn't recognize as saying out loud. Her own thoughts seemed to move back and forth between her mind, and vocalizing.
And then she was worrying about Alec again.
"As for our family, I've been looking in on them on occasion, and it doesn't seem that much has changed. I think junior got a girl pregnant, but don't know if they're going to be having the baby or not. The dad is staying away from home most nights, not getting in until the very wee hours, but I'm not sure why."
As a researcher into the human psyche, Shay lacked the focus Alec seemed to have had. Nor did she seem to have the patience he had. She enjoyed seeing the people, and found a little pleasure in knowing they didn't know she was about, but after an hour or so looking in on their tedious lives just got boring.
"That was something I came to accept, but still don't really understand. Why is it we can see the reasons behind something, yet refuse to accept that it is? Not that I know any reason why someone would kill mom, so I do see where that is different. But those reasons aside...I know she's gone, and I know it wasn't her choice, but..."
Shay found the next bit of information both real, and totally ridiculous, yet unfamiliar with a way to make it more sane, or rational.
"I'm angry with her Alec..." She left out the part about being angry with him too. He was angry enough with himself, that was evident. Shay didn't see where heaping her own irrate feelings on him would help, or change anything. She might not be able to do anything for Ginnie now, but maybe she could still offer Alec something.
Throwing her hands up in frustration, Shay recalled going over and over these thoughts while she traveled, and had yet to come up with any resolution. Eventually she had just decided to put it all out of her mind, with hopes that it would soon fade away. It hadn't.
"I know it's irrational...but there you have it. Yet another reason why I came home. The answers I went looking for just weren't out there.
It doesn't surprise me that you've had trouble focusing on what you used to, and are now looking elsewhere. What we did before didn't work did it?" Her own guilt, though logically understood to be misguided, remained with her as well. Maybe that was why she could see it in Alec so clearly. But there were things in Alec's words that terrified Shay too. Words that evoked feelings she had felt, but was apparently better suited to deal with, and tamper down inside her.
"Maybe there is no point in looking for understanding, when we know there isn't any to be found. It's easier to just destroy something when it has already destroyed something in us, or of ours. Why would we care what the reasons are? We already know there are no reasons that would bring Ginnie back, or that would alleviate any of our pain that resulted from her death. I suppose I can see why at this point its all about taking from them, what they took from us, reasons and consequences be damned."
Her thoughts were coming out now in a free flowing stream of consciousness, much like they had before when she had been on her own, trying to make heads or tails from things, but now there was someone to hear them besides her. Maybe if Alec could see things from her eyes, he would gain insight into his feelings, they way she just had.
"Unfortunately, no matter what we think, or how, nothing will change what happened."
And that was what she had ultimately come to understand. It didn't look likely that this thought would be changing any time soon.
Words of Simon, and Ellis distracted Shay. Through Dayle and just being in the Domicile, Shay knew of Simon, and Ellis, albeit only sketches of descriptions. However, it seemed whenever she heard people talking about Ellis, Shay noted what she could only interpret as being fear in their tones.
Now, hearing Alec refer to Ellis as someone who would have been behind his new tatics...tactics of someone bent on destroying...those earlier exhibited fears seemed justified. Or reinforced at the least.
"This Ellis woman? She used to run Tacharan? I thought I heard something about her dying? For real I mean...she's back? Will Simon keep his position with the clan?"
Her assumptions about Carol were verified, but even being human, Shay still thought she would like to get to know the woman better. Unfortunately, for now anyway, it seemed Carol had other things to worry about, and nothing Shay felt she could help with. What did Shay know about humans?
"I would truly think time must heal, otherwise I don't see how our kind would remain around as long as we do."
That last thought was one she didn't recognize as saying out loud. Her own thoughts seemed to move back and forth between her mind, and vocalizing.
And then she was worrying about Alec again.
"As for our family, I've been looking in on them on occasion, and it doesn't seem that much has changed. I think junior got a girl pregnant, but don't know if they're going to be having the baby or not. The dad is staying away from home most nights, not getting in until the very wee hours, but I'm not sure why."
As a researcher into the human psyche, Shay lacked the focus Alec seemed to have had. Nor did she seem to have the patience he had. She enjoyed seeing the people, and found a little pleasure in knowing they didn't know she was about, but after an hour or so looking in on their tedious lives just got boring.
Alec Devereaux
16 years ago
She could not see why someone would want to kill Ginnie? Alec was somewhat taken aback at that. The list was long, and included such things as weapons dealing and being a high profile member of Tacharan. Perhaps they were right in sheltering Shay, and perhaps they had not been quite clear enough about the dangers inherent to the system in which they were living.
Hearing that Shay was angry with her mother caused Alec to stiffen defensively...then relax, and realize that it was probably a natural response on some level. Where some people would seek to blame an abstract, like the world, Shay and Alec were more people focused. In his case, he blamed the individuals directly responsible for her death, and himself. Shay blamed Ginnie. He understood that it was a coping mechanism, but that did not make him feel any better about her passage, and did not give him the satisfaction that he sought.
"That is just a natural facet of coping. My own displacement is different, but I understand why it happens. Sometimes events are simply too large to allow them to pass without assigning blame. It is in our nature on some level to desire the placement of a label."
Contemplating the direction she took with her statement, he paused. Yes. She had nailed it. He wanted others to share this particular brand of pain and shame and rage and hatred. He did not want to be alone in the horrible place that the world had become for him. But he did not want it populated with those he cared about. He did not want them to go through it. He reserved it for 'the enemy'. It was true that misery loved company - in this case, it loved company wailing in pain and suffering while you washed the blood of their loved ones from your hands and laughed as another descended into the suffering that you were wading through. His own anger went a step farther, however.
"I want to know the reasons why. That way I will have understanding, and share that understanding with them as I bring them low. I know it will not bring her back, or salve the pain. But it will ensure that at least one other creature will know just how I feel, and I know it will be someone who, on a very direct level, deserves what I feel the need to inflict."
Sighing, he shook his head.
"But I do not think it is right. I do not know how to balance this rage and frustration and loneliness against what I have felt in the past to be right. The struggle is fatiguing, and I find that the anger is more energetic than the calm."
Some nights, it still was very hard to get up. Another warrior trained, another corpse buried...sometimes these were the only things that kept him from despair. The hope of more tools in the arsenal against their shadowy opponents.
"And yes. Ellis used to run Tacharan. She used us as a resource to be harvested for profit for some time, before her burial and her lover Simon took control. The event which was thought to have killed her did not. The clan has been different under Simon. With Ellis back, I am uncertain how things will play out. For the time being, she is content to sit back. I do not trust her, but it is possible that the events have changed her. She does seem...different. Simon will retain the Lead status."
How much she had changed may dictate how long. Alec did still believe that Ellis would eat her young if it blocked her road to power, but being the shadow behind the throne may suit her needs just as adequately.
Pleased to contemplate something less crucial, Alec nodded at the mention of their family.
"I was worried that things might progress messily. Junior is not as gifted with foresight as his sister. He probably feels a victim in the matter, whereas his choice of mate has catalyzed the destruction of his home unit. Of course, this is due to an inherent flaw in the father's character. I should have been more wary - a more timely pruning of the family tree would have prevented these bad events from unfurling. Perhaps it is not too late to leave them with good memories of their father, and prevent another series of negative events to break their potential."
Hearing that Shay was angry with her mother caused Alec to stiffen defensively...then relax, and realize that it was probably a natural response on some level. Where some people would seek to blame an abstract, like the world, Shay and Alec were more people focused. In his case, he blamed the individuals directly responsible for her death, and himself. Shay blamed Ginnie. He understood that it was a coping mechanism, but that did not make him feel any better about her passage, and did not give him the satisfaction that he sought.
"That is just a natural facet of coping. My own displacement is different, but I understand why it happens. Sometimes events are simply too large to allow them to pass without assigning blame. It is in our nature on some level to desire the placement of a label."
Contemplating the direction she took with her statement, he paused. Yes. She had nailed it. He wanted others to share this particular brand of pain and shame and rage and hatred. He did not want to be alone in the horrible place that the world had become for him. But he did not want it populated with those he cared about. He did not want them to go through it. He reserved it for 'the enemy'. It was true that misery loved company - in this case, it loved company wailing in pain and suffering while you washed the blood of their loved ones from your hands and laughed as another descended into the suffering that you were wading through. His own anger went a step farther, however.
"I want to know the reasons why. That way I will have understanding, and share that understanding with them as I bring them low. I know it will not bring her back, or salve the pain. But it will ensure that at least one other creature will know just how I feel, and I know it will be someone who, on a very direct level, deserves what I feel the need to inflict."
Sighing, he shook his head.
"But I do not think it is right. I do not know how to balance this rage and frustration and loneliness against what I have felt in the past to be right. The struggle is fatiguing, and I find that the anger is more energetic than the calm."
Some nights, it still was very hard to get up. Another warrior trained, another corpse buried...sometimes these were the only things that kept him from despair. The hope of more tools in the arsenal against their shadowy opponents.
"And yes. Ellis used to run Tacharan. She used us as a resource to be harvested for profit for some time, before her burial and her lover Simon took control. The event which was thought to have killed her did not. The clan has been different under Simon. With Ellis back, I am uncertain how things will play out. For the time being, she is content to sit back. I do not trust her, but it is possible that the events have changed her. She does seem...different. Simon will retain the Lead status."
How much she had changed may dictate how long. Alec did still believe that Ellis would eat her young if it blocked her road to power, but being the shadow behind the throne may suit her needs just as adequately.
Pleased to contemplate something less crucial, Alec nodded at the mention of their family.
"I was worried that things might progress messily. Junior is not as gifted with foresight as his sister. He probably feels a victim in the matter, whereas his choice of mate has catalyzed the destruction of his home unit. Of course, this is due to an inherent flaw in the father's character. I should have been more wary - a more timely pruning of the family tree would have prevented these bad events from unfurling. Perhaps it is not too late to leave them with good memories of their father, and prevent another series of negative events to break their potential."
Shay
16 years ago
Nothing about being upset with someone who died seemed natural to Shay. Like she'd said, it was just totally illogical. Yet hearing Alec give credence, and some explanation was helpful, and relieved a little of Shay's self imposed burden. She had found she was a quick study of the human condition, but still had a lot to learn. Much of that had to do with understanding herself as well.
Shay found it interesting to hear Alec talk about getting those responsible, and showing them how he felt, as he destroyed them.
"Understanding...but what if nothing will explain why it happened...what if it was just one of those tragic things. Don't you worry that you might never find peace if you never find that why?"
This was the conclusion Shay had reached, that had scared her. Thinking Alec might remain obsessed with the why, and never allow himself to truly heal scared her just as much. She really wanted her father back, and it wasn't for completely selfish reasons. Alec was a good man, in her eyes, and had value in the world.
It was good to hear he knew the way he felt wasn't 'right', but unsettled that he had no ideas on what to do about it. She still looked to him for guidance in many things, and if he didn't know, who did? Pangs of missing Ginnie clenched her stomach again, but Shay didn't admit anything as she was still afraid such thoughts would do more harm than good.
"I guess then, if the anger gives you motivation and momentum, all you can do is hang onto it. Hopefully the day will come when you will find balance again...the day when you are no longer torn apart by loneliness...the day when you can replace rage with...satisfaction, and perhaps some sort of happiness again?"
Shay was talking totally off the cuff now, searching for anything she could come up with that might help. She also felt deep down, that nothing she said would have any impact, and that thought left her feeling both pathetic, and inadequate. But that was something SHE would need to find a way to deal with.
"Sounds like a lovely woman." Sarcasm was something Shay was only now getting a handle on, but there was no mistaking that her words were covered in it.
"Do you think we should worry about whether or not she decides sitting back is no longer the role she wants? Would Simon ever give her back her position...or rather, do you think he could hold onto it if she wanted it back?"
Having something else to think about was helpful to Shay, but she wished it wasn't something so bleak.
"Did she have much of a personal following? Is Simon that much better of a leader that the clan will respect, follow, and support him over Ellis?"
Clan politics had never interested Shay before, but that was due largly to the fact that everything seemed to be going along so well. Would that all change now? If so, she probably should be more aware of the situation, and what part she might play in it, if any.
The conversation meandered to the 'test family', which is what Shay had dubbed them. On one hand she still found a reason for visiting them...they still gave her an up-front seat on the life of humans, and she still learned from them. But on the other hand, so much of what she watched these people go through seemed utterly futile, and sad.
"I often wonder why they continue on." Would things really be better if the father was out of the picture from now on? Shay couldn't see how they would be any worse.
But did the father contribute anything to the world outside of the family? That was something Shay didn't know. Did it matter?
"I'm not sure our interference is the right thing to do though. Maybe there are psychological aspects of his involvement in their lives that we could change for the worse if he were to be removed?"
Alec's thoughts had some logic, but Shay wasn't sure his process in coming to his conclusion was complete. As he was now, she just wasn't sure he was looking at all sides to the problems. Wasn't it possible his anger was spilling over into all aspects of his life?
It was something else for Shay to worry about for him.
Leaning sideways on the sofa, Shay rested her head on the back, and watched her father with tender eyes. Sad that he was the only person on earth that she had to love, it occurred to her that his presence in her life could be just as fleeting as that of Ginnie, or Dayle. She certainly didn't want to think of him being gone, but her practical side was telling her it was a possibility.
In addition to trying to help Alec, in whatever way she could figure out, Shay knew she had more to do to help herself as well. Unfortunately, the hows for that seemed much muddier to her. The only clear cut point was that if she didn't do it, no one would. Right now, Alec had enough on his plate in trying to pull himself back together. He didn't need to worry about her too.
"Want to watch a movie?"
Not wanting to belabor anything sad any longer, Shay said the only thing she could think of at the moment. She didn't want Alec to go. She had missed him being around for long enough. But maybe they both needed something to take their minds off their pain?
Shay found it interesting to hear Alec talk about getting those responsible, and showing them how he felt, as he destroyed them.
"Understanding...but what if nothing will explain why it happened...what if it was just one of those tragic things. Don't you worry that you might never find peace if you never find that why?"
This was the conclusion Shay had reached, that had scared her. Thinking Alec might remain obsessed with the why, and never allow himself to truly heal scared her just as much. She really wanted her father back, and it wasn't for completely selfish reasons. Alec was a good man, in her eyes, and had value in the world.
It was good to hear he knew the way he felt wasn't 'right', but unsettled that he had no ideas on what to do about it. She still looked to him for guidance in many things, and if he didn't know, who did? Pangs of missing Ginnie clenched her stomach again, but Shay didn't admit anything as she was still afraid such thoughts would do more harm than good.
"I guess then, if the anger gives you motivation and momentum, all you can do is hang onto it. Hopefully the day will come when you will find balance again...the day when you are no longer torn apart by loneliness...the day when you can replace rage with...satisfaction, and perhaps some sort of happiness again?"
Shay was talking totally off the cuff now, searching for anything she could come up with that might help. She also felt deep down, that nothing she said would have any impact, and that thought left her feeling both pathetic, and inadequate. But that was something SHE would need to find a way to deal with.
"Sounds like a lovely woman." Sarcasm was something Shay was only now getting a handle on, but there was no mistaking that her words were covered in it.
"Do you think we should worry about whether or not she decides sitting back is no longer the role she wants? Would Simon ever give her back her position...or rather, do you think he could hold onto it if she wanted it back?"
Having something else to think about was helpful to Shay, but she wished it wasn't something so bleak.
"Did she have much of a personal following? Is Simon that much better of a leader that the clan will respect, follow, and support him over Ellis?"
Clan politics had never interested Shay before, but that was due largly to the fact that everything seemed to be going along so well. Would that all change now? If so, she probably should be more aware of the situation, and what part she might play in it, if any.
The conversation meandered to the 'test family', which is what Shay had dubbed them. On one hand she still found a reason for visiting them...they still gave her an up-front seat on the life of humans, and she still learned from them. But on the other hand, so much of what she watched these people go through seemed utterly futile, and sad.
"I often wonder why they continue on." Would things really be better if the father was out of the picture from now on? Shay couldn't see how they would be any worse.
But did the father contribute anything to the world outside of the family? That was something Shay didn't know. Did it matter?
"I'm not sure our interference is the right thing to do though. Maybe there are psychological aspects of his involvement in their lives that we could change for the worse if he were to be removed?"
Alec's thoughts had some logic, but Shay wasn't sure his process in coming to his conclusion was complete. As he was now, she just wasn't sure he was looking at all sides to the problems. Wasn't it possible his anger was spilling over into all aspects of his life?
It was something else for Shay to worry about for him.
Leaning sideways on the sofa, Shay rested her head on the back, and watched her father with tender eyes. Sad that he was the only person on earth that she had to love, it occurred to her that his presence in her life could be just as fleeting as that of Ginnie, or Dayle. She certainly didn't want to think of him being gone, but her practical side was telling her it was a possibility.
In addition to trying to help Alec, in whatever way she could figure out, Shay knew she had more to do to help herself as well. Unfortunately, the hows for that seemed much muddier to her. The only clear cut point was that if she didn't do it, no one would. Right now, Alec had enough on his plate in trying to pull himself back together. He didn't need to worry about her too.
"Want to watch a movie?"
Not wanting to belabor anything sad any longer, Shay said the only thing she could think of at the moment. She didn't want Alec to go. She had missed him being around for long enough. But maybe they both needed something to take their minds off their pain?
Alec Devereaux
16 years ago
Alec shook his head.
"I know the why behind her death. That was the easy part in this particular situation. It was pure greed and a lack of trust on the part of her former business rival. He wanted to ensure that there would be no further complications. It was wholly unnecessary, and has now served to compicate his life and business. As the stories spread about what happens to people working for this man, the individuals he will be able to recruit will reduce in quality, and breed in weakness. The higher placed individuals, I suspect, are all werewolves, and we do not have any data on the swiftness of their breeding. I do not believe that they are especially abundant, though, or there would be more knowledge floating about regarding them. In time, the road will lead to him."
Considering for a moment, Alec cocked his head. Would he ever find peace? It was hard to say.
"I suppose it is impossible to say if I will find peace or not. That is not the goal, necessarily. Perhaps this will serve as a bit of a reverberation throughout the underbelly of society that reminds people that consequence can be a very bad thing, and considering all of the possible ramifications of an action are necessary. The prisons are so full in this country because criminals do not take any pride in their work."
Listening to Shay describe her wishes for his future made him smile. He had no way to know what tomorrow would bring, but it was nice to know that someone cared for his happiness. Nodding, he placed his hand on hers once again and gave it a brief squeeze. Nodding, he stated
"The anger does push me forward, but I burn it off rather than holding onto it. I am still producing a lot of this particular fuel, but I hope to exhaust the supply one day. As for finding satisfaction and happiness...I already am. In small doeses, not the daily saturation that I was once lucky enough to possess, but some."
And more and more all the time. Alec was feeling good...it was as if discussing the matter validated his feelings and invalidated the worries. He believed that much of what he was describing as his intentions and motivators was truth, even if he had never placed them into phrases before. The process brought him closer to his daughter and was somewhat liberating.
On the topic of Ellis, Alec sighed. Running his hand briefly through his hair, he considered how to best answer the question.
"We should not worry. To answer the question more precisely, I think that it is well beyond both of us to help Simon in this particular task. Ellis had a very strong following, and is somewhat a cult of personality. She will attract followers again. She is a powerful and beautiful creature of the night that reeks of danger. She draws people with violence and self-destructive behaviors to her like moths to a flame. She also attracts those with an aggressive lust for power, as they seek to be drawn upward by her rising star.
Whether Simon could or would elect to retain the position is between them. He is in an unenviable position. He, once again, has to choose between his clan and the woman that, worthy of it or not, he loves. If she gets out of line again, will he try once again to destroy her? Who can say. Would it destroy him? Who can say. Does she have it in her to slay him? Once upon a time I would have said yes without an ounce of doubt in my mind. Now...I do not know. She has had many opportunities, and has not taken them. That will serve to keep Simon in power. How, and whether he can keep Ellis in check while he stabilizes the clan...that is the real question, I think. I believe he is up to the task."
Really, that was part of Alec's difficulty with having Ellis back in the fold. She attracted dark, brooding, self-destructive and violent individuals to her banner and way of thinking. Currently, that included him. Her praise had caused very conflicting emotions within him...which he still had not come to terms with, try as he might. He would continue to support Simon, of course...but even for Alec, Ellis remained a very significant distraction, and negative influence.
Happy to leave politics aside for a moment, Alec carefully considered Shay's statement. Her development was going very well. She was already thinking in terms of cascading effects and lesser variables in social engineering. Smiling, he nodded happily.
"Well done. The psychological aspects cannot be very effectively predicted, as the data, as large as it is, does not extend back into the infancy of the family unit. I suspect that his wife would be strongly hurt, but that the evidence of his infidelity would cuase her to speed through the recovery process. Junior would have been the hardest hit previously, but their recent rift would cause him to let go and elect to focus on the good times, and likely cause him to take a greater responsibility for his actions. The daughter would likely use it as an excuse to further act out and put herself into an ingenuine dark and brooding phase, but it really is impossible to say. Electing to intervene so directly is never to be taken lightly. We will have to do much reviewing before we decide on a direction."
Apparently they had processed enough difficult information for one evening. The idea of a movie was certainly welcome. He had much to consider. Nodding, Alec gestured toward the television.
"Always. Give me some options, and I will select one. Or perhaps there is something currently playing on the surface that you would prefer?"
"I know the why behind her death. That was the easy part in this particular situation. It was pure greed and a lack of trust on the part of her former business rival. He wanted to ensure that there would be no further complications. It was wholly unnecessary, and has now served to compicate his life and business. As the stories spread about what happens to people working for this man, the individuals he will be able to recruit will reduce in quality, and breed in weakness. The higher placed individuals, I suspect, are all werewolves, and we do not have any data on the swiftness of their breeding. I do not believe that they are especially abundant, though, or there would be more knowledge floating about regarding them. In time, the road will lead to him."
Considering for a moment, Alec cocked his head. Would he ever find peace? It was hard to say.
"I suppose it is impossible to say if I will find peace or not. That is not the goal, necessarily. Perhaps this will serve as a bit of a reverberation throughout the underbelly of society that reminds people that consequence can be a very bad thing, and considering all of the possible ramifications of an action are necessary. The prisons are so full in this country because criminals do not take any pride in their work."
Listening to Shay describe her wishes for his future made him smile. He had no way to know what tomorrow would bring, but it was nice to know that someone cared for his happiness. Nodding, he placed his hand on hers once again and gave it a brief squeeze. Nodding, he stated
"The anger does push me forward, but I burn it off rather than holding onto it. I am still producing a lot of this particular fuel, but I hope to exhaust the supply one day. As for finding satisfaction and happiness...I already am. In small doeses, not the daily saturation that I was once lucky enough to possess, but some."
And more and more all the time. Alec was feeling good...it was as if discussing the matter validated his feelings and invalidated the worries. He believed that much of what he was describing as his intentions and motivators was truth, even if he had never placed them into phrases before. The process brought him closer to his daughter and was somewhat liberating.
On the topic of Ellis, Alec sighed. Running his hand briefly through his hair, he considered how to best answer the question.
"We should not worry. To answer the question more precisely, I think that it is well beyond both of us to help Simon in this particular task. Ellis had a very strong following, and is somewhat a cult of personality. She will attract followers again. She is a powerful and beautiful creature of the night that reeks of danger. She draws people with violence and self-destructive behaviors to her like moths to a flame. She also attracts those with an aggressive lust for power, as they seek to be drawn upward by her rising star.
Whether Simon could or would elect to retain the position is between them. He is in an unenviable position. He, once again, has to choose between his clan and the woman that, worthy of it or not, he loves. If she gets out of line again, will he try once again to destroy her? Who can say. Would it destroy him? Who can say. Does she have it in her to slay him? Once upon a time I would have said yes without an ounce of doubt in my mind. Now...I do not know. She has had many opportunities, and has not taken them. That will serve to keep Simon in power. How, and whether he can keep Ellis in check while he stabilizes the clan...that is the real question, I think. I believe he is up to the task."
Really, that was part of Alec's difficulty with having Ellis back in the fold. She attracted dark, brooding, self-destructive and violent individuals to her banner and way of thinking. Currently, that included him. Her praise had caused very conflicting emotions within him...which he still had not come to terms with, try as he might. He would continue to support Simon, of course...but even for Alec, Ellis remained a very significant distraction, and negative influence.
Happy to leave politics aside for a moment, Alec carefully considered Shay's statement. Her development was going very well. She was already thinking in terms of cascading effects and lesser variables in social engineering. Smiling, he nodded happily.
"Well done. The psychological aspects cannot be very effectively predicted, as the data, as large as it is, does not extend back into the infancy of the family unit. I suspect that his wife would be strongly hurt, but that the evidence of his infidelity would cuase her to speed through the recovery process. Junior would have been the hardest hit previously, but their recent rift would cause him to let go and elect to focus on the good times, and likely cause him to take a greater responsibility for his actions. The daughter would likely use it as an excuse to further act out and put herself into an ingenuine dark and brooding phase, but it really is impossible to say. Electing to intervene so directly is never to be taken lightly. We will have to do much reviewing before we decide on a direction."
Apparently they had processed enough difficult information for one evening. The idea of a movie was certainly welcome. He had much to consider. Nodding, Alec gestured toward the television.
"Always. Give me some options, and I will select one. Or perhaps there is something currently playing on the surface that you would prefer?"
Shay
16 years ago
Werewolves...vampires, and werewolves...Shay had looked for evidence of mermaids both here in the nearby Atlantic waters, and again when she was near the Pacific Ocean...in addition to trying to be aware of things like fairies, elves, and any other creature she might have heard about, seen in a movie, or read about. For now the only ones she could attest to were those of her kind, vampires, though she did not doubt Alec at all. If he said there were werewolves, she believed him. How preposterous was it really, when there were actually vampires around?
But vampires hadn't killed her mother, werewolves had. It was all so unfair, especially since it had been Ginnie's intent to leave the business end of things behind her. No longer did she even want to be a party to that kind of life, but had anyone considered that? Apparently not. Apparently some had deemed her too dangerous to live, and thus had cut short her life. Shay swiped at an errant tear, refusing to fall apart again.
Somehow knowing who was responsible and why, didn't give Shay the satisfaction she imagined it might. No matter what, Ginnie was gone forever. But she agreed with what Alec said...someone needed to be taught a lesson, and taught well enough to hopefully stave off any future attempts at repeating this process.
"Is there a lot of information 'floating' about regarding us?" For all Shay knew, their breed was pretty good at hiding, and protecting themselves from discovery, or had been for the hundreds, if not thousands, of years they had been around. Sure, there were movies about them, but from what she observed humans didn't really believe they existed...any more than they believed that damned Jason Voorhees kept returning from the dead every Friday the 13th. It did seem that humans were enamoured of being scared to death though. Shay hadn't been able to successfully understand that emotion.
She was able to take some comfort in hearing Alec talk about not keeping his anger inside, and that he was again finding things to feel happy about. It was completely logical to her that both those things were coming in smaller doses, but that they were coming at all was encouraging.
Thoughts of Simon were becoming less interesting, though thoughts of Ellis were being piqued. Shay was slightly envious of any relationship that seemed to hold so much emotion in it between the parties involved, having never had such a relationship herself. Sure she and Dayle had experienced some fun, and Shay missed her friend and lover, but it was apparent from Dayle's absence that whatever she shared with Shay, it hadn't been sufficient enough to keep the woman around. And what did Shay know of such emotions really? There was so much to all that which she still had to learn.
But something about Ellis and Simon seemed so romantic to Shay...even if in a somewhat twisted, and sinister way.
"For the good of the clan, I hope you're right. It seems the humans are doing a pretty crappy job of taking care of their lives these days...I don't think I really want to think about what would happen of the clans were to take a big dump along with them. Even if it comes down to Ellis and Simon ruling together...if its for the good of the clan, I think I'd rather see that than more chaos added to the mix."
It would remain to be seen if that could be accomplished, or even if that was an alternative. Shay seemed to think it would be easier to put her faith behind her vampire leaders, than the humans seemed to think of putting their faith behind their political ones. Oddly, she seemed sort of removed from all that, even though in theory she knew even the vampires had to live within the constraints of the human world, to a large extent.
She smiled as Alec complimented her for thinking through the test families situation. Right after the 'incident' as she was now calling it, Shay had taken some solace in her visits to the family. Somehow it seemed to keep her closer to Alec, knowing it was something he had shared with her. Later when she had become a little bored, she forced herself to continue the visits as a way to keep that connection alive. But once she realized that tie just wasn't as strong as she hoped it would remain, and no matter how often she watched the unhappy quartet, it wasn't going to make her any happier, she began to put more into thinking about the family and their impact on each other, and the outside world. Seeing small similarities between those four people and the world in general gave Shay a few rather enlightening insights, and some even extended into her own self. For the most part she still thought of them as a slightly lesser species, but she wasn't too conceited to not see any connection at all.
For now it was a relief to let Alec make any decisions for the immediate future. She would make sure she didn't heave too much onto his still slightly wobbly shoulders, but seeing he was okay with what he was taking on gave her such a sense of ...rightness...that she could barely contain herself.
Knowing Alec wasn't really a very demonstrative person, or hadn't been much so with relation to Shay, it still felt a bit odd on her part to make any similar type moves. But for now she was just so glad to have him back in her life, and to believe he was on the mend, even if it was going to be a slow road, that she grabbed the tv remote, and curled up in a small ball at his side on the couch. Tucking herself against his side, Shay turned on the television, directing it to the channel guide, and watched as the offerings appeared before them.
"I have a few dvds but not many...you'd probably think the were all too mushy, or silly...most are romances and musicals." She giggled as she wondered if he would be able to sit through 'Mama Mia', or 'The Sound of Music'.
"Hmmm...Forrest Gump, The Prestige, Anime Sex Warrior, Casino, Blood Diamond, Night at the Museum, Parenthood..." Shay sighed when it appeared nothing exciting was on. "Jarhead, Gray Matters, The Chamber, To Kill a Mockingbird, Shanghai Noon..." A ton of selections, yet none seemed all that exciting to Shay.
She handed Alec the remote, and reached over to pick up her wine glass, sipping the contents slowly, quite happy to just 'be' at the moment.
But vampires hadn't killed her mother, werewolves had. It was all so unfair, especially since it had been Ginnie's intent to leave the business end of things behind her. No longer did she even want to be a party to that kind of life, but had anyone considered that? Apparently not. Apparently some had deemed her too dangerous to live, and thus had cut short her life. Shay swiped at an errant tear, refusing to fall apart again.
Somehow knowing who was responsible and why, didn't give Shay the satisfaction she imagined it might. No matter what, Ginnie was gone forever. But she agreed with what Alec said...someone needed to be taught a lesson, and taught well enough to hopefully stave off any future attempts at repeating this process.
"Is there a lot of information 'floating' about regarding us?" For all Shay knew, their breed was pretty good at hiding, and protecting themselves from discovery, or had been for the hundreds, if not thousands, of years they had been around. Sure, there were movies about them, but from what she observed humans didn't really believe they existed...any more than they believed that damned Jason Voorhees kept returning from the dead every Friday the 13th. It did seem that humans were enamoured of being scared to death though. Shay hadn't been able to successfully understand that emotion.
She was able to take some comfort in hearing Alec talk about not keeping his anger inside, and that he was again finding things to feel happy about. It was completely logical to her that both those things were coming in smaller doses, but that they were coming at all was encouraging.
Thoughts of Simon were becoming less interesting, though thoughts of Ellis were being piqued. Shay was slightly envious of any relationship that seemed to hold so much emotion in it between the parties involved, having never had such a relationship herself. Sure she and Dayle had experienced some fun, and Shay missed her friend and lover, but it was apparent from Dayle's absence that whatever she shared with Shay, it hadn't been sufficient enough to keep the woman around. And what did Shay know of such emotions really? There was so much to all that which she still had to learn.
But something about Ellis and Simon seemed so romantic to Shay...even if in a somewhat twisted, and sinister way.
"For the good of the clan, I hope you're right. It seems the humans are doing a pretty crappy job of taking care of their lives these days...I don't think I really want to think about what would happen of the clans were to take a big dump along with them. Even if it comes down to Ellis and Simon ruling together...if its for the good of the clan, I think I'd rather see that than more chaos added to the mix."
It would remain to be seen if that could be accomplished, or even if that was an alternative. Shay seemed to think it would be easier to put her faith behind her vampire leaders, than the humans seemed to think of putting their faith behind their political ones. Oddly, she seemed sort of removed from all that, even though in theory she knew even the vampires had to live within the constraints of the human world, to a large extent.
She smiled as Alec complimented her for thinking through the test families situation. Right after the 'incident' as she was now calling it, Shay had taken some solace in her visits to the family. Somehow it seemed to keep her closer to Alec, knowing it was something he had shared with her. Later when she had become a little bored, she forced herself to continue the visits as a way to keep that connection alive. But once she realized that tie just wasn't as strong as she hoped it would remain, and no matter how often she watched the unhappy quartet, it wasn't going to make her any happier, she began to put more into thinking about the family and their impact on each other, and the outside world. Seeing small similarities between those four people and the world in general gave Shay a few rather enlightening insights, and some even extended into her own self. For the most part she still thought of them as a slightly lesser species, but she wasn't too conceited to not see any connection at all.
For now it was a relief to let Alec make any decisions for the immediate future. She would make sure she didn't heave too much onto his still slightly wobbly shoulders, but seeing he was okay with what he was taking on gave her such a sense of ...rightness...that she could barely contain herself.
Knowing Alec wasn't really a very demonstrative person, or hadn't been much so with relation to Shay, it still felt a bit odd on her part to make any similar type moves. But for now she was just so glad to have him back in her life, and to believe he was on the mend, even if it was going to be a slow road, that she grabbed the tv remote, and curled up in a small ball at his side on the couch. Tucking herself against his side, Shay turned on the television, directing it to the channel guide, and watched as the offerings appeared before them.
"I have a few dvds but not many...you'd probably think the were all too mushy, or silly...most are romances and musicals." She giggled as she wondered if he would be able to sit through 'Mama Mia', or 'The Sound of Music'.
"Hmmm...Forrest Gump, The Prestige, Anime Sex Warrior, Casino, Blood Diamond, Night at the Museum, Parenthood..." Shay sighed when it appeared nothing exciting was on. "Jarhead, Gray Matters, The Chamber, To Kill a Mockingbird, Shanghai Noon..." A ton of selections, yet none seemed all that exciting to Shay.
She handed Alec the remote, and reached over to pick up her wine glass, sipping the contents slowly, quite happy to just 'be' at the moment.
Alec Devereaux
16 years ago
Troubled for a moment, Alec nodded. There was a wealth of information swimming about regading vampires. Part of what he had come to Tacharan to accomplish had been to shore up such breaches in secrecy. Thefts and replacements in medical facilities, the alterations of photographs and video surveillance...he planted the seeds of doubt, destroyed the shreds of truth. Most humans accepted the changes and spoke of the strange things that they had seen only when well fortified with drink. Others, like Kyle Evans, did not care so much what the world at large thought of them, and proceeded to destroy their own lives through their proclaimations. Left to their own devices, such people generally burned out of their own volition, and were of no matter. Others required a bit more of a heavy hand.
Well, he used to do those things. Now he trained mercenaries and he sought to cull another subset of mythical creature from the world. Hm. The thought was slightly uncomfortable.
"There is, and there is not. Much of what I used to do for the clan involved the retrieval or alteration of such evidence regarding our kind. Alteration of firsthand evidence serves to cloud the matter - our varying skills and differences serve to obscure it even more completely. Even among those few humans who believe in our kind, they argue, as they attribute different skills to the species as a whole. They make the mistake of assuming that we are all alike, and that the potential for one of us to possess such a wide variety of skills is unimaginable to them."
The thought of Simon and Ellis ruling as monarchs raised an eyebrow. He had never considered the possibility. Perhaps there was a middle road that was less treacherous...if they could truly learn to share.
"Intriguing. Perhaps that may come to pass. It is certainly an interesting middle road I had not considered."
Grinning, Alec shook his head.
"There is nothing wrong with romance or music as long as it is well done. The difficulty is in agreeing on what is romantic, what is good music..."
Taking the remote, he scrolled farther down the list. The title 'Boondock Saints'caught his attention - people seeking to right the wrongs they saw in the world around them. Maybe it would be educational.
Well, he used to do those things. Now he trained mercenaries and he sought to cull another subset of mythical creature from the world. Hm. The thought was slightly uncomfortable.
"There is, and there is not. Much of what I used to do for the clan involved the retrieval or alteration of such evidence regarding our kind. Alteration of firsthand evidence serves to cloud the matter - our varying skills and differences serve to obscure it even more completely. Even among those few humans who believe in our kind, they argue, as they attribute different skills to the species as a whole. They make the mistake of assuming that we are all alike, and that the potential for one of us to possess such a wide variety of skills is unimaginable to them."
The thought of Simon and Ellis ruling as monarchs raised an eyebrow. He had never considered the possibility. Perhaps there was a middle road that was less treacherous...if they could truly learn to share.
"Intriguing. Perhaps that may come to pass. It is certainly an interesting middle road I had not considered."
Grinning, Alec shook his head.
"There is nothing wrong with romance or music as long as it is well done. The difficulty is in agreeing on what is romantic, what is good music..."
Taking the remote, he scrolled farther down the list. The title 'Boondock Saints'caught his attention - people seeking to right the wrongs they saw in the world around them. Maybe it would be educational.
Shay
16 years ago
It amazed her to hear just how much Alec did, not just for the clan, but for their race. It was
comforting to Shay to know this, and she was proud of her father for his involvment. It never
occurred to her till now, but she wondered if Ginnie had been part of this arrangement as well.
There was so much she still just didn't know.
Thinking on the subject more, Shay was curious to know if there might be something she could do for
the clan, in a more direct manner. Alec seemed to like working on his own, and since she had offered
to help him while he had been in the hospital, and he hadn't been overly excited with the prospect,
she wasn't going to ask him again. At least not now.
She hadn't forgotten Marc, or the fact that he wanted her to do some research for him. The thing was
he hadn't been back in contact with her since their original arrangement had been agreed on. Shay
was starting to wonder if the man had changed his mind, or was simply too busy at the moment to
reconnect with her and provide further instructions. Either way, maybe she could do both jobs,
simultaneously, or to supplement the other.
Plus, she really wanted to meet this Ellis woman, and get some first hand knowledge of the woman. Shay was intrigued beyond anything else she'd felt lately. Simon, from her little exposure in passing mostly, had impressed Shay as being an imposing man of power. What would a woman be like, who could possibly turn this man upside down? The implications were fascinating. To Shay, anyway.
"Maybe I should check with Carol...both to make sure she's okay...see if I can do anything for her...and maybe see if they need help in the office. Maybe she's just overworked, and in need of some assistance."
There...Shay liked Carol, and was concerned after their recent encounter. This way she could kill two birds and all that.
Again Shay felt a little puffed up when Alec admitted her suggestion that Ellis and Simon might join forces had merit. It was rare indeed when she came across anything that her father hadn't already thought of, or experienced. Tonight she seemed to have hit the mark twice.
Caressing her wine glass, Shay took a moment to close her eyes. Feeling as safe and secure as she did now was also a rare occurrence, and her body and mind seemed ripe for enjoying it.
Alec was scrolling through things on the television, apparently fine with making a choice, and truthfully, Shay didn't care. Even while she had been aware she was missing Alec, until right this moment she hadn't understood how that emotional toll had affected her physically. Perhaps she could get a few winks in now, and start to do some catching up on sleep.
"Would you mind if I just closed my eyes for a bit? Just got a quick cat-nap in? I know that makes me a horrible hostess, but we're family, right? You wouldn't mind, would you? Really?"
Her eyes were still closed, and she was finding it harder and harder to stay awake. She hoped he answered quickly, and affirmatively...else she might find herself in trouble all over again. She grinned at the thought, and cast an affectionate arm across Alec's waist, effectively trapping him on the sofa.
"Really Dad, just a couple minutes?"
comforting to Shay to know this, and she was proud of her father for his involvment. It never
occurred to her till now, but she wondered if Ginnie had been part of this arrangement as well.
There was so much she still just didn't know.
Thinking on the subject more, Shay was curious to know if there might be something she could do for
the clan, in a more direct manner. Alec seemed to like working on his own, and since she had offered
to help him while he had been in the hospital, and he hadn't been overly excited with the prospect,
she wasn't going to ask him again. At least not now.
She hadn't forgotten Marc, or the fact that he wanted her to do some research for him. The thing was
he hadn't been back in contact with her since their original arrangement had been agreed on. Shay
was starting to wonder if the man had changed his mind, or was simply too busy at the moment to
reconnect with her and provide further instructions. Either way, maybe she could do both jobs,
simultaneously, or to supplement the other.
Plus, she really wanted to meet this Ellis woman, and get some first hand knowledge of the woman. Shay was intrigued beyond anything else she'd felt lately. Simon, from her little exposure in passing mostly, had impressed Shay as being an imposing man of power. What would a woman be like, who could possibly turn this man upside down? The implications were fascinating. To Shay, anyway.
"Maybe I should check with Carol...both to make sure she's okay...see if I can do anything for her...and maybe see if they need help in the office. Maybe she's just overworked, and in need of some assistance."
There...Shay liked Carol, and was concerned after their recent encounter. This way she could kill two birds and all that.
Again Shay felt a little puffed up when Alec admitted her suggestion that Ellis and Simon might join forces had merit. It was rare indeed when she came across anything that her father hadn't already thought of, or experienced. Tonight she seemed to have hit the mark twice.
Caressing her wine glass, Shay took a moment to close her eyes. Feeling as safe and secure as she did now was also a rare occurrence, and her body and mind seemed ripe for enjoying it.
Alec was scrolling through things on the television, apparently fine with making a choice, and truthfully, Shay didn't care. Even while she had been aware she was missing Alec, until right this moment she hadn't understood how that emotional toll had affected her physically. Perhaps she could get a few winks in now, and start to do some catching up on sleep.
"Would you mind if I just closed my eyes for a bit? Just got a quick cat-nap in? I know that makes me a horrible hostess, but we're family, right? You wouldn't mind, would you? Really?"
Her eyes were still closed, and she was finding it harder and harder to stay awake. She hoped he answered quickly, and affirmatively...else she might find herself in trouble all over again. She grinned at the thought, and cast an affectionate arm across Alec's waist, effectively trapping him on the sofa.
"Really Dad, just a couple minutes?"
Alec Devereaux
16 years ago
Smiling at Shay's kind gesture toward Carol, Alec shook his head sadly.
"I am afraid she is more than just an overworked human. I do know that she could certainly use a friendly gesture, though. You see...Carol's situation is very precarious at present. She used to be Ellis' familiar. After Ellis was presumed dead, well...Simon took her on as his familiar. They were lovers in the interim, but now that Ellis has returned, that puts Carol in a somewhat nebulous position. She maintained her Tacharan ties, but is essentially in a dual-familiar role. Additionally, the complications of the relationships that she has had with both Ellis and Simon put her in a very emotionally precarious place.
She could certainly use a friend. How receptive toward one of our kind she may be...well, I do not know. She is a likable enough woman...but keep in mind that she has actively elected not to be one of us, despite the availability. She is also emotionally fragile and volatile. Keeping tabs on her would probably be a good idea. I do not think she is the self-destructive type, but she may be a bit vindictive, and is likely exhibiting sub-standard decision making at present.
Also, she has already given over her duties to another. The assistance she needs is purely interpersonal, but giving it may be risky."
Grinning as Shay assumed the affirmative answer, he nodded. Running a gloved hand over her hair, he then put his arm over her reclining form.
"Feel free. I know my way around a remote control. Sleep well."
((ooc: Alec and Shay out, lock up please))
"I am afraid she is more than just an overworked human. I do know that she could certainly use a friendly gesture, though. You see...Carol's situation is very precarious at present. She used to be Ellis' familiar. After Ellis was presumed dead, well...Simon took her on as his familiar. They were lovers in the interim, but now that Ellis has returned, that puts Carol in a somewhat nebulous position. She maintained her Tacharan ties, but is essentially in a dual-familiar role. Additionally, the complications of the relationships that she has had with both Ellis and Simon put her in a very emotionally precarious place.
She could certainly use a friend. How receptive toward one of our kind she may be...well, I do not know. She is a likable enough woman...but keep in mind that she has actively elected not to be one of us, despite the availability. She is also emotionally fragile and volatile. Keeping tabs on her would probably be a good idea. I do not think she is the self-destructive type, but she may be a bit vindictive, and is likely exhibiting sub-standard decision making at present.
Also, she has already given over her duties to another. The assistance she needs is purely interpersonal, but giving it may be risky."
Grinning as Shay assumed the affirmative answer, he nodded. Running a gloved hand over her hair, he then put his arm over her reclining form.
"Feel free. I know my way around a remote control. Sleep well."
((ooc: Alec and Shay out, lock up please))