Aishe had never been to this little pub before, although Kiamhaat had told her it was one of Pak's favorites and the two of them had been there several times. Food just didn't interest her the way it had when she'd been alive.
Even so, when Pak asked her if she wanted to meet there and hang out, Aishe wasn't about to say no. She liked Pak, and not just because she was Kiamhaat's best friend. So she showed up exactly when she said she would, taking in the decor of the dimly-lit bar and finding Pak with relative ease.
"Hi," she said, sliding into the booth opposite Pak. "This place is nice."
And it was; a little dim, a little smoky, but laid back in atmosphere. She was immediately attended to by a waitress, which was good since she didn't drink. She did, however, like chocolate, so she ordered a shake.
When the woman had departed she looked expectantly at Pak. "So what's on your mind?"
Aishe hadn't exactly been born yesterday. When Pak had asked her here she was sure there was an ulterior motive involved. Not hat she didn't think Pak enjoyed her company; it had just been something in her tone of voice. Aishe was curious to know what exactly there was that Pak didn't want to talk to Kiamhaat about. Surely she'd have gone to him first.
And Now for Something Completly Different... (attn: Aishe)
Her visit from Kem's daughter had Pak thinking. A lot. A whole lot. Most of said thinking had been in the back of her head, she'd worked at not actively considering what Mara had said. There was no way her maker could be 'good'. Even if he wasn't 'good'... he couldn't even be an OK guy. OK guys did -not- grab unsuspecting women/wives/mothers off the street chomp on them, turn them into vampires and then just leave them.
But what if there was something else at work here. What if he'd tried to find her. Well why the hell had he killed that prostitute in Silicon Valley, why had he attacked her again? Pak was forced to admit she'd sort of attacked him first. Still there was no call to kill the girl. But Mara had seemed so sure that he wasn't pure evil. Granted they hadn't talked about it at length but in those few words, well she'd made an impression on Pak.
Finally all the 'buts' and 'maybes' and 'what ifs' culminated, she was actively thinking about this. She needed someone else to talk to. Kem was right out. She was half dating he sonofabitch who'd turned him. Not to mention Kem's turning was far too much like her own. She needed a different perspective.
Aishe.
Pak had set up the meeting a day or two in advance, something casual at her favorite pub, The George and Dragon. She'd showed up very early time enough to get half way through a beer, finish off one clove (she had another one ready to go) and was entertaining herself with a new smart phone. She wasn't sure she liked it, but she also wasn't paying much attention. She had too much else on her mind.
Pak was more than content to skulk in her booth at the back of the room. It was a rainy Wednesday night and only two die hard regulars were there. They were playing darts and didn't even notice Pak. The only person who really knew she was there was the bartender and he had a knack for ignoring Pak when she wanted to be ignored and knowing when she wanted something. Part of her hoped Aishe wouldn't show up. She would though. She had no doubt.
Aishe
14 years ago
Pakpao
14 years ago
Pak looked up from her toy when Aishe showed up. She really looked at her. Aishe might not always look happy, but she did more often than not (in Pak's opinion) and she was so well balanced. Had the girl always been that way or was it because she'd not only chosen to be turned but been turned in a sane, responsible and supportive manner? Pak admitted to a bit of jealousy.
She half grinned as she put the phone away.
"'Nice' is not typically the first word people use to describe The G&D."Â?
But then again someone had to be an optimist.
Noting the waitresses look Pak just nodded. Something about dark rainy nights called for pints of dark beer, but she wasn't drunk nor looking to get drunk. Still another one wouldn't hurt. The waitress scurried off at her nod.
"They do a stout shake here, ice cream and dark beer. You should try it."Â?
Cutting right to the chase earned Aishe another half grin. Er friend wasn't stupid and she was a bit direct. Pak, however, for all her thinking had no idea how to start this conversation and chose to side step a bit.
"What? I can't just ask you out for a drink? I'm not as bad off as I was you know."Â?
That got a tiny bit defensive. But she still wasn't proud of showing such pathetic weakness. What was done was done, but she didn't need people thinking she was going to hide forever. She had found her feet again and was getting out, hunting on her own. Hell she'd even gone to that meeting out on the west coast. Granted she'd taken one guy from security, but she'd gone.
She half grinned as she put the phone away.
"'Nice' is not typically the first word people use to describe The G&D."Â?
But then again someone had to be an optimist.
Noting the waitresses look Pak just nodded. Something about dark rainy nights called for pints of dark beer, but she wasn't drunk nor looking to get drunk. Still another one wouldn't hurt. The waitress scurried off at her nod.
"They do a stout shake here, ice cream and dark beer. You should try it."Â?
Cutting right to the chase earned Aishe another half grin. Er friend wasn't stupid and she was a bit direct. Pak, however, for all her thinking had no idea how to start this conversation and chose to side step a bit.
"What? I can't just ask you out for a drink? I'm not as bad off as I was you know."Â?
That got a tiny bit defensive. But she still wasn't proud of showing such pathetic weakness. What was done was done, but she didn't need people thinking she was going to hide forever. She had found her feet again and was getting out, hunting on her own. Hell she'd even gone to that meeting out on the west coast. Granted she'd taken one guy from security, but she'd gone.
Aishe
14 years ago
Aishe wrinkled her nose and shook her head at Pak's suggestion. "Why would I ruin perfectly good chocolate with beer?" She asked.
She was a little surprised by Pak's vehemence but she covered it up by returning Pak's grin. "Of course you can ask me out for a drink. Except that I don't drink, which you know, and you never have before."
It was said with a smile though. Aishe liked hanging out with Pak. The only reason they didn't hang out more, just the two of them, really, was because there were usually three of them. She was just enjoying giving the older vampire a hard time.
"Kem warned me about the sugar packets, by the way," she said with her most serious expression. "I'm prepared to retaliate."
She was a little surprised by Pak's vehemence but she covered it up by returning Pak's grin. "Of course you can ask me out for a drink. Except that I don't drink, which you know, and you never have before."
It was said with a smile though. Aishe liked hanging out with Pak. The only reason they didn't hang out more, just the two of them, really, was because there were usually three of them. She was just enjoying giving the older vampire a hard time.
"Kem warned me about the sugar packets, by the way," she said with her most serious expression. "I'm prepared to retaliate."
Pakpao
14 years ago
"Because it is vanilla ice cream with chocolate syrup. It really is a good compliment."Â?
Pak said earnestly. There wasn't a lot of the stout in it either, it was more for flavor than anything.
"Well then it is an invitation long overdue."Â?
In some ways Pak wished she had turned Aishe. She wasn't ready at the time, but if she had, she'd be proud. Pak also would have been happy to offer the younger vampire support, direction, advice but she had those in spades. From people older and wiser than herself.
"Besides, I thought girl's night out was the thing now."Â?
Of course she worked in a mostly male dominated field and didn't have too many friends outside of work, so she could be wrong. Once in a while though she heard one or two of the women in her department making plans. Occasionally she was invited, but not often and more often than not she declined. So, she wasn't sure about the 'girls' night out' thing.
Regardless, Pak finished off her beer and lit another clove, and did her best to look innocent.
"I don't know -what- you are talking about. But even if I did, you aren't armed in the same way and I do have some rules about fighting mostly fair."Â?
Taking a drag on her cigarette, Pak considerately exhaled away from Aishe, she watched the waitress set things down and then disappear again before she ventured, very casually,
"How is Chris?"Â?
Pak said earnestly. There wasn't a lot of the stout in it either, it was more for flavor than anything.
"Well then it is an invitation long overdue."Â?
In some ways Pak wished she had turned Aishe. She wasn't ready at the time, but if she had, she'd be proud. Pak also would have been happy to offer the younger vampire support, direction, advice but she had those in spades. From people older and wiser than herself.
"Besides, I thought girl's night out was the thing now."Â?
Of course she worked in a mostly male dominated field and didn't have too many friends outside of work, so she could be wrong. Once in a while though she heard one or two of the women in her department making plans. Occasionally she was invited, but not often and more often than not she declined. So, she wasn't sure about the 'girls' night out' thing.
Regardless, Pak finished off her beer and lit another clove, and did her best to look innocent.
"I don't know -what- you are talking about. But even if I did, you aren't armed in the same way and I do have some rules about fighting mostly fair."Â?
Taking a drag on her cigarette, Pak considerately exhaled away from Aishe, she watched the waitress set things down and then disappear again before she ventured, very casually,
"How is Chris?"Â?
Aishe
14 years ago
Aishe continued to make faces at Pak's insistence on beer in a shake. She wouldn't argue the point; she knew Pak's preferences. "I did squid on a stick," she pointed out. "I have to draw the line somewhere."
She laughed at Pak's "girls' night out" idea, and nodded. "It must be. All the cool kids are doing it, right?"
She had never had that many friends growing up, so girls' night out hadn't really happened. She'd always been a little bit of an outsider for various reasons. Sometimes she blamed her obvious foreign appearance and accent, sometimes she blamed her reluctance to make the first move in any friendship. Obviously there were exceptions to that rule, but she'd never found a good reason to break her trend until meeting Kiamhaat in Egypt. Funny, now that she was technically dead, she had many more friends than she'd had while living.
Aishe bantered easily with Pak until their drinks arrived. As she sipped at her chocolate shake she heard Pak's casual question, felt the weight behind it, and raised her eyebrows at her friend.
"I haven't heard from him much in the last year," she said, voice full of regret. "I'm worried about him but I know he's happy doing his job."
Chris' goal was to keep Alfarinn safe, wherever they were. As long as he was fulfilling that function, Aishe was sure Chris would be content.
"Why do you ask?"
She laughed at Pak's "girls' night out" idea, and nodded. "It must be. All the cool kids are doing it, right?"
She had never had that many friends growing up, so girls' night out hadn't really happened. She'd always been a little bit of an outsider for various reasons. Sometimes she blamed her obvious foreign appearance and accent, sometimes she blamed her reluctance to make the first move in any friendship. Obviously there were exceptions to that rule, but she'd never found a good reason to break her trend until meeting Kiamhaat in Egypt. Funny, now that she was technically dead, she had many more friends than she'd had while living.
Aishe bantered easily with Pak until their drinks arrived. As she sipped at her chocolate shake she heard Pak's casual question, felt the weight behind it, and raised her eyebrows at her friend.
"I haven't heard from him much in the last year," she said, voice full of regret. "I'm worried about him but I know he's happy doing his job."
Chris' goal was to keep Alfarinn safe, wherever they were. As long as he was fulfilling that function, Aishe was sure Chris would be content.
"Why do you ask?"
Pakpao
14 years ago
Pak just rolled her eyes at Aishe. The girl would do the squid on a stick but thought beer and ice cream was scary. It just didn't compute. Sure, every one had different tastes, but still.
Oddly enough, she felt sorry for the young woman in front of her. It was a shame Chris was so far away, and apparently not really in contact. While Aishe had one of the best experiences, as far as turning, Pak had ever heard of, she felt the continued contact between 'father and daughter' (as it were) could only benefit them both.
"I'm sorry to hear that."Â?
And she meant that.
Pak consciously let her subterfuge drop. That was a -huge- show of faith and trust in Aishe. But it was done as she didn't think she was going to adequately convey things in words. This was too complex.
"Honestly?"Â?
She paused and fidgeted with her clove for a second, taking a drag as an excuse to think for a second yet.
"I wondered what it would be like to actually know your maker, what they were like."Â?
That was mostly true. Two hundred, nearly three hundred, years later and she still wondered that. But this was very complicated for her. Fear, hatred and anger warred with curiosity and hope. It would be hard to see that just by looking at her, most people would be able to tell she was thinking about something though.
Oddly enough, she felt sorry for the young woman in front of her. It was a shame Chris was so far away, and apparently not really in contact. While Aishe had one of the best experiences, as far as turning, Pak had ever heard of, she felt the continued contact between 'father and daughter' (as it were) could only benefit them both.
"I'm sorry to hear that."Â?
And she meant that.
Pak consciously let her subterfuge drop. That was a -huge- show of faith and trust in Aishe. But it was done as she didn't think she was going to adequately convey things in words. This was too complex.
"Honestly?"Â?
She paused and fidgeted with her clove for a second, taking a drag as an excuse to think for a second yet.
"I wondered what it would be like to actually know your maker, what they were like."Â?
That was mostly true. Two hundred, nearly three hundred, years later and she still wondered that. But this was very complicated for her. Fear, hatred and anger warred with curiosity and hope. It would be hard to see that just by looking at her, most people would be able to tell she was thinking about something though.
Aishe
14 years ago
Aishe smiled at Pak. "It's okay," she said. "Chris is doing what he needs to do. I think I would have been welcome if I'd really wanted to go, but my place is here. And he left me in good hands."
She didn't think about it too often, mostly because she didn't want to feel anything but warmth for the man who'd brought her into this world. She didn't want to be jealous or bitter, that she hadn't been important enough, because Aishe knew that wasn't the case. She adored Chris, but she loved Kiamhaat. And while not the most confident of teachers, Kiamhaat was better than he gave himself credit for. Aishe wouldn't have been happy anywhere but by his side.
Pak let the reason for her question be known, and Aishe tilted her head curiously. This was new from Pak, and she wanted to address it properly. She was aware of Pak's fear of her creator, of the circumstances of her turning, and this seemed like a pretty forward step for her friend.
"In my case, it's a good thing," she said with a soft smile. "I know the qualities of the man who turned me, I know what he values and what he loves. I know who his family are, and I think if I ever really needed their help they would give it. It's like having another little network of a sort, I guess."
She didn't attempt to reach out and search through Pak's emotions; experience had taught her that Pak would be closed to her empathy. Instead she looked at her friend's face and saw all manner of conflicting emotions there. Maybe fear, anger, curiosity.
"Our circumstances are different though, obviously," Aishe added. "I don't know how I would feel about Chris if he were, I don't know, someone like Kem's creator."
She knew how Kiamhaat felt about whoever had turned him. She'd rarely seen him in a dark, nearly violent mood, but that thought could push him perilously close to it.
She didn't think about it too often, mostly because she didn't want to feel anything but warmth for the man who'd brought her into this world. She didn't want to be jealous or bitter, that she hadn't been important enough, because Aishe knew that wasn't the case. She adored Chris, but she loved Kiamhaat. And while not the most confident of teachers, Kiamhaat was better than he gave himself credit for. Aishe wouldn't have been happy anywhere but by his side.
Pak let the reason for her question be known, and Aishe tilted her head curiously. This was new from Pak, and she wanted to address it properly. She was aware of Pak's fear of her creator, of the circumstances of her turning, and this seemed like a pretty forward step for her friend.
"In my case, it's a good thing," she said with a soft smile. "I know the qualities of the man who turned me, I know what he values and what he loves. I know who his family are, and I think if I ever really needed their help they would give it. It's like having another little network of a sort, I guess."
She didn't attempt to reach out and search through Pak's emotions; experience had taught her that Pak would be closed to her empathy. Instead she looked at her friend's face and saw all manner of conflicting emotions there. Maybe fear, anger, curiosity.
"Our circumstances are different though, obviously," Aishe added. "I don't know how I would feel about Chris if he were, I don't know, someone like Kem's creator."
She knew how Kiamhaat felt about whoever had turned him. She'd rarely seen him in a dark, nearly violent mood, but that thought could push him perilously close to it.
Pakpao
14 years ago
Pak nodded. It was good to know what you loved and where you needed to be. Some days she felt a little lost. IT kept her busy and she loved it, but was that all she could do, all she could offer? Of course, anytime she thought like this ninety-seven emergencies came up and, while not the only one who could handle them, they did reaffirm that she was needed. Once in a while, she suspected MARI of creating said emergencies.
She also took it as a given that if Aishe needed anything she was welcome to ask and that Aishe knew this.
"Once in a while, you aren't entirely sure what you're getting into when you connect two networks, but you have to do it any way. Most of the time you can troubleshoot it and make it work, but there are times it quite literally blows up in your face."Â?
Pak took another drag and realized she'd finished her second clove since showing up here. She fished another out of her ornate cigarette case, but didn't light it. Instead, she just toyed with it.
What would it be like to know her family? Did she have any 'siblings'? That is what this all came down to, family. Not just an immortal blood sucking family, but her husband and children. It was possible, she -hoped- it was possible he would know something about them. But she was terrified he might have finished them off. God she should have stayed and protected them, at least tried.
"I think Kem has very good reasons to be more than a little cross with his maker."Â?
Taking a deep breath she idly, with out really thinking about it, used her mind to spin her pint around. Slowly and carefully, even as an absent minded gesture she didn't want to spill it.
"How much has he told you about... ... ... well, about why I'm sitting here?"Â?
It was highly unlikely Kem would have betrayed her confidence, at least not with much detail. While Pak had never talked to Aishe about her turning, it was very likely she knew at least the basics. She didn't mind, in fact if Aishe knew at least some of it she wouldn't have to talk too much about it.
She also took it as a given that if Aishe needed anything she was welcome to ask and that Aishe knew this.
"Once in a while, you aren't entirely sure what you're getting into when you connect two networks, but you have to do it any way. Most of the time you can troubleshoot it and make it work, but there are times it quite literally blows up in your face."Â?
Pak took another drag and realized she'd finished her second clove since showing up here. She fished another out of her ornate cigarette case, but didn't light it. Instead, she just toyed with it.
What would it be like to know her family? Did she have any 'siblings'? That is what this all came down to, family. Not just an immortal blood sucking family, but her husband and children. It was possible, she -hoped- it was possible he would know something about them. But she was terrified he might have finished them off. God she should have stayed and protected them, at least tried.
"I think Kem has very good reasons to be more than a little cross with his maker."Â?
Taking a deep breath she idly, with out really thinking about it, used her mind to spin her pint around. Slowly and carefully, even as an absent minded gesture she didn't want to spill it.
"How much has he told you about... ... ... well, about why I'm sitting here?"Â?
It was highly unlikely Kem would have betrayed her confidence, at least not with much detail. While Pak had never talked to Aishe about her turning, it was very likely she knew at least the basics. She didn't mind, in fact if Aishe knew at least some of it she wouldn't have to talk too much about it.
Aishe
14 years ago
Aishe lifted a shoulder noncommittally at Pak's opinion of Kiamhaat's creator. She didn't really know the details, and she suspected Pak didn't know the depth of his emotion when it came to that vague person from his past who he didn't know, but loathed.
"I don't know," she said. "Maybe it won't make sense to you, but I can't help thinking if it weren't for Kem's creator I would never have met him. Who's to say if he had a life like mine, or a family like mine, that I would ever have found him standing alone on the bank of the Nile?"
Aishe's feelings on the subject were mixed. She wished Kiamhaat could let that grudge go, but when she thought about his feelings, the things that had happened afterward, to his wife, to him... she knew they would never view it in entirely the same light.
"It's easy for me to say that though." She shrugged again. "I'm me, and I haven't lived his life. I'm just happy he is where he is now, regardless of how he made it there."
Pak's next question again took her by surprise. She was being un-Pak-ishly open tonight. "Not much," she replied carefully. "I know your circumstances and Kem's were similar. And obviously I know the recent stuff." She made a vague gesture; Pak had told her about seeing her creator again. It was why she and Kiamhaat had made efforts to see Pak safe and fed lately.
"I don't know," she said. "Maybe it won't make sense to you, but I can't help thinking if it weren't for Kem's creator I would never have met him. Who's to say if he had a life like mine, or a family like mine, that I would ever have found him standing alone on the bank of the Nile?"
Aishe's feelings on the subject were mixed. She wished Kiamhaat could let that grudge go, but when she thought about his feelings, the things that had happened afterward, to his wife, to him... she knew they would never view it in entirely the same light.
"It's easy for me to say that though." She shrugged again. "I'm me, and I haven't lived his life. I'm just happy he is where he is now, regardless of how he made it there."
Pak's next question again took her by surprise. She was being un-Pak-ishly open tonight. "Not much," she replied carefully. "I know your circumstances and Kem's were similar. And obviously I know the recent stuff." She made a vague gesture; Pak had told her about seeing her creator again. It was why she and Kiamhaat had made efforts to see Pak safe and fed lately.
Pakpao
14 years ago
"Well that is one way to look at it."Â?
She supposed it was a legitimate way to consider things. But she wasn't going to advocate on position or the other. What she knew was Kem hadn't had a choice. He'd been forced into this and had every right to be angry. But she wasn't about to debate any of this. Kem wasn't here to discuss it with and it wasn't her place to talk about his maker and his feelings on the man. She had, however, promised to try and keep them apart, and that she would try and do. If nothing else, for Kem's happiness. He had to right to decide if he -wanted- to meet the man.
Apparently she was surprising Aishe a bit tonight. Well, she was surprising herself. Pak wasn't a big fan of this open communication, but she knew that she wasn't going to get decent advice or insight if she stayed closed off. It was taking a bit out of her though and she knew it was only going to get worse as she talked about her origins.
"I was a farmer."Â?
She began, her voice carefully monotone, something that wouldn't last. Pak told her story slowly, deliberately, doing her best not to leave anything out. She told Aishe about her daughter's fever, trying to get out of going to the market. About the walk home, her fear of the man following her, trying to fight him off, his use of command, being dumped on the side of the road, her husband leaving her alone after the attack, about his forcing her out of the house, her children's fear of her.
When she finished Pak took a long drink of the dark beer in front of her and light up her clove. More for the comfort of habit than anything. The last time she'd told anyone that story, Kem actually, she'd been very drunk and hadn't felt it quite as much.
"I did the only thing I could do. I ran. It took a long time to figure out how to survive, not that it was much of an existence. I wound up in Bangkok and not being trained for anything, or even literate all I could find was work as a prostitute. Obviously things got better, but it was hard and took a while."Â?
She shrugged, as if the story she'd just told didn't matter, even though her voice had more than once been choked with emotion. Pak sat there, tense but trying to appear relaxed. Even though she didn't think Ashie would, Pak was waiting for the younger vampire to pass judgment on her.
She supposed it was a legitimate way to consider things. But she wasn't going to advocate on position or the other. What she knew was Kem hadn't had a choice. He'd been forced into this and had every right to be angry. But she wasn't about to debate any of this. Kem wasn't here to discuss it with and it wasn't her place to talk about his maker and his feelings on the man. She had, however, promised to try and keep them apart, and that she would try and do. If nothing else, for Kem's happiness. He had to right to decide if he -wanted- to meet the man.
Apparently she was surprising Aishe a bit tonight. Well, she was surprising herself. Pak wasn't a big fan of this open communication, but she knew that she wasn't going to get decent advice or insight if she stayed closed off. It was taking a bit out of her though and she knew it was only going to get worse as she talked about her origins.
"I was a farmer."Â?
She began, her voice carefully monotone, something that wouldn't last. Pak told her story slowly, deliberately, doing her best not to leave anything out. She told Aishe about her daughter's fever, trying to get out of going to the market. About the walk home, her fear of the man following her, trying to fight him off, his use of command, being dumped on the side of the road, her husband leaving her alone after the attack, about his forcing her out of the house, her children's fear of her.
When she finished Pak took a long drink of the dark beer in front of her and light up her clove. More for the comfort of habit than anything. The last time she'd told anyone that story, Kem actually, she'd been very drunk and hadn't felt it quite as much.
"I did the only thing I could do. I ran. It took a long time to figure out how to survive, not that it was much of an existence. I wound up in Bangkok and not being trained for anything, or even literate all I could find was work as a prostitute. Obviously things got better, but it was hard and took a while."Â?
She shrugged, as if the story she'd just told didn't matter, even though her voice had more than once been choked with emotion. Pak sat there, tense but trying to appear relaxed. Even though she didn't think Ashie would, Pak was waiting for the younger vampire to pass judgment on her.
Aishe
14 years ago
Aishe had heard some tragic stories since her own turning, and even before it, but it never ceased to touch her to hear them related to her especially from someone as close to her as Pak. The anguish in her voice, the pain, the fear, were all palpable even without the use of her empathy. Even so, that ability gave her flashes and glimpses. Whether Pak had stopped concealing her emotions or they were simply too strong to be contained, Aishe keenly felt what Pak had felt. It hadn't been easy to listen to Kiamhaat relate any of his history, and Pak's shorter life didn't make it any less difficult.
She watched Pak's face for a few moments, a little uncomfortable seeing the normally inscrutable vampire so emotional and unsure how to react. Clearly though, Pak was waiting for some kind of response.
Aishe took a drink of her shake and organized her thoughts. "I understand why your feelings are so conflicted," she finally said softly. "It must be difficult to know what you know, and at the same time not know what you want to. Your children, your creator, so many unanswered questions."
She sighed and shook her head. "I know I'm lucky, and you remind me of it now. No one should have to go through what you did, or what Kem did. I understand why you look at it the way you do. I know my opinion on it must seem horribly crass and cold, but Kem's circumstances brought him to me and yours did too."
Aishe bit her bottom lip gently, thinking on it. "You should confront him though. If you know who he is, you should put this fear to rest. He may have answers for you. He may have reasons. But if nothing else you've built him up in your head to be a nightmare that keeps you from being what you could be. And that isn't healthy."
She watched Pak's face for a few moments, a little uncomfortable seeing the normally inscrutable vampire so emotional and unsure how to react. Clearly though, Pak was waiting for some kind of response.
Aishe took a drink of her shake and organized her thoughts. "I understand why your feelings are so conflicted," she finally said softly. "It must be difficult to know what you know, and at the same time not know what you want to. Your children, your creator, so many unanswered questions."
She sighed and shook her head. "I know I'm lucky, and you remind me of it now. No one should have to go through what you did, or what Kem did. I understand why you look at it the way you do. I know my opinion on it must seem horribly crass and cold, but Kem's circumstances brought him to me and yours did too."
Aishe bit her bottom lip gently, thinking on it. "You should confront him though. If you know who he is, you should put this fear to rest. He may have answers for you. He may have reasons. But if nothing else you've built him up in your head to be a nightmare that keeps you from being what you could be. And that isn't healthy."
Pakpao
14 years ago
That was a lot of talking and a lot of history. Pak was feeling very drained and again almost scared, at the very least nervous. As if by talking about him, he would come through the door.
She physically shook her head to clear it, to dislodge the memories and refocus on the present. It took a second. It was an old wound and she kept picking at it, she wouldn't, couldn't let it heal.
Pak had been somewhat concerned that Aishe would look on her history with distaste. It was something that she always worried about, that people would think less of her knowing about all this. Not that Pak had any control over any of it, but still she didn't tell very many people. Aishe and Kem might be the only people living who knew Pak's story.
"I'd like to know why. Just why..."Â?
Pak said wistfully. Why he'd turned her, why he'd left her to find for herself, why he'd torn her family apart. There were a lot of whys, but she wanted answers to them all. Hell, she deserved them.
She smiled, a little weak, a little wobbly, a little faint, but she smiled at Aishe's positive spin.
"It isn't a road I'd wish on anyone though."Â?
Again, she shook her head. It wasn't the advice she wanted to hear. Pak had wanted some reassurance that keeping the hell away from this monster was the right thing. She laughed bitterly.
"I'm sure he'd tell me everything I want to know too. I've got no way of knowing he wouldn't try and finish me off, or even what he wants. And I don't think he would have shown himself to me if he didn't want -something-. And I don't want to give it to him, he's taken too much already."Â?
She physically shook her head to clear it, to dislodge the memories and refocus on the present. It took a second. It was an old wound and she kept picking at it, she wouldn't, couldn't let it heal.
Pak had been somewhat concerned that Aishe would look on her history with distaste. It was something that she always worried about, that people would think less of her knowing about all this. Not that Pak had any control over any of it, but still she didn't tell very many people. Aishe and Kem might be the only people living who knew Pak's story.
"I'd like to know why. Just why..."Â?
Pak said wistfully. Why he'd turned her, why he'd left her to find for herself, why he'd torn her family apart. There were a lot of whys, but she wanted answers to them all. Hell, she deserved them.
She smiled, a little weak, a little wobbly, a little faint, but she smiled at Aishe's positive spin.
"It isn't a road I'd wish on anyone though."Â?
Again, she shook her head. It wasn't the advice she wanted to hear. Pak had wanted some reassurance that keeping the hell away from this monster was the right thing. She laughed bitterly.
"I'm sure he'd tell me everything I want to know too. I've got no way of knowing he wouldn't try and finish me off, or even what he wants. And I don't think he would have shown himself to me if he didn't want -something-. And I don't want to give it to him, he's taken too much already."Â?
Aishe
14 years ago
Aishe nodded at Pak's wish. She thought it was entirely possible that Pak might yet learn the "why" of it. her creator sounded terrifying, and more than a little unhinged, but Aishe knew that wasn't always the case.
"Not a road I'd wish on anyone either," she said with an apologetic shrug, "but we all have the choice to make good or bad of our situations."
She listened to Pak's further musings and finally said, "Why don't you let me?"
Aishe was prepared for Pak's initial objections and held up a hand to forestall her. "Seriously, Pak. I'm not as vulnerable as you think, and even I have my defenses."
Both physical and mental, in her case, and Aishe wasn't unacquainted with the more... undercover... nature of her own job.
"I can act as a go-between if you like; I can convey your questions or set up a meeting. Or if you want, I'll just be there with you when you go."
One thing was clear though, at least to Aishe. "You need to talk to him. Otherwise you'll fear him forever and you'll never find your way free."
"Not a road I'd wish on anyone either," she said with an apologetic shrug, "but we all have the choice to make good or bad of our situations."
She listened to Pak's further musings and finally said, "Why don't you let me?"
Aishe was prepared for Pak's initial objections and held up a hand to forestall her. "Seriously, Pak. I'm not as vulnerable as you think, and even I have my defenses."
Both physical and mental, in her case, and Aishe wasn't unacquainted with the more... undercover... nature of her own job.
"I can act as a go-between if you like; I can convey your questions or set up a meeting. Or if you want, I'll just be there with you when you go."
One thing was clear though, at least to Aishe. "You need to talk to him. Otherwise you'll fear him forever and you'll never find your way free."
Pakpao
14 years ago
"And I'm making a mess of it?"Â?
It was just a question, not an accusation or even self-pity. Pak honestly wondered what Aishe thought of her situation. Well apparently, she thought Pak wasn't taking advantage of it and letting fear rule her but...
Pak turned her attention to her clove and lapsed into her own thoughts. Maybe, just maybe Aishe was right. She should talk to him.
Her gaze snapped up and her eyes bore into Aishe. At least Pak had the good grace to let her finish her thought but there was open-minded and then there was stupid. Pak's reaction was the same as when Kem asked if she wanted him to find this... this... thing that made her.
"No."Â?
It was said with a flat finality.
"I'm not exposing any one else to him."Â?
Aishe had made a brave and generous offer. That wasn't lost on Pak, but she wasn't going to hide behind her friends, not forever. And she certainly wasn't going to take risks she wasn't willing to take regardless of their abilities and skills.
"Besides, I don't even know his name, or where he is. How could you even find him?"Â?
Pak thoughtfully sipped at her beer, watching the clove smoke rise in interesting patterns and dissipate. She was going to have to call Mara. That was all there was too it. At the very least, she needed his name.
With determination she stubbed out the remains of her cigarette, she was going to need another in a second.
"OK, let's assume I can find him... set up a meeting."Â? Pak winced, cringed at the very idea, but she wasn't ruling it out. "You're security, how do I set this up so he doesn't..."Â?
Pak trailed off not willing to finish the though. There were too many options: attack, kill, rape, maim, hold hostage, brainwash and so on. There was also no way she was going to admit how much this idea terrified her.
It was just a question, not an accusation or even self-pity. Pak honestly wondered what Aishe thought of her situation. Well apparently, she thought Pak wasn't taking advantage of it and letting fear rule her but...
Pak turned her attention to her clove and lapsed into her own thoughts. Maybe, just maybe Aishe was right. She should talk to him.
Her gaze snapped up and her eyes bore into Aishe. At least Pak had the good grace to let her finish her thought but there was open-minded and then there was stupid. Pak's reaction was the same as when Kem asked if she wanted him to find this... this... thing that made her.
"No."Â?
It was said with a flat finality.
"I'm not exposing any one else to him."Â?
Aishe had made a brave and generous offer. That wasn't lost on Pak, but she wasn't going to hide behind her friends, not forever. And she certainly wasn't going to take risks she wasn't willing to take regardless of their abilities and skills.
"Besides, I don't even know his name, or where he is. How could you even find him?"Â?
Pak thoughtfully sipped at her beer, watching the clove smoke rise in interesting patterns and dissipate. She was going to have to call Mara. That was all there was too it. At the very least, she needed his name.
With determination she stubbed out the remains of her cigarette, she was going to need another in a second.
"OK, let's assume I can find him... set up a meeting."Â? Pak winced, cringed at the very idea, but she wasn't ruling it out. "You're security, how do I set this up so he doesn't..."Â?
Pak trailed off not willing to finish the though. There were too many options: attack, kill, rape, maim, hold hostage, brainwash and so on. There was also no way she was going to admit how much this idea terrified her.
Aishe
14 years ago
Aishe listened to Pak as she reacted exactly the way she predicted Pak would. She shrugged her shoulders at Pak's lack of knowledge. "We have ways of finding people," she said noncommittally. Aishe wasn't about to go into great detail about Meridian's, or Evenhet's security measure.
Here, though, was where she saw a great deal of similarity between Pak and Kiamhaat. The only difference was, Kiamhaat was learning.
"Here's the truth, Pak," she said. "You want safety, you want security, then you bring in backup. You don't meet this man alone. You bring in someone you can trust."
She let that idea percolate, and then softened it with a further suggestion. "It may be that you have the means to, say, communicate with this backup while they remain out of sight," she said lightly. "And maybe, just maybe, said backup has the means by which to tell you if the situation may become dangerous."
It was no less than she'd done with Kiamhaat during his meeting with Drew. Stay out of sight, employ empathy, stay in touch via sending. It was a good tactic and one Aishe wasn't hesitant to use with Pak.
Here, though, was where she saw a great deal of similarity between Pak and Kiamhaat. The only difference was, Kiamhaat was learning.
"Here's the truth, Pak," she said. "You want safety, you want security, then you bring in backup. You don't meet this man alone. You bring in someone you can trust."
She let that idea percolate, and then softened it with a further suggestion. "It may be that you have the means to, say, communicate with this backup while they remain out of sight," she said lightly. "And maybe, just maybe, said backup has the means by which to tell you if the situation may become dangerous."
It was no less than she'd done with Kiamhaat during his meeting with Drew. Stay out of sight, employ empathy, stay in touch via sending. It was a good tactic and one Aishe wasn't hesitant to use with Pak.
Pakpao
14 years ago
Absently Pak started batting a sugar packet back and forth between her hands, watching it slide across the table as she hit it one way then the other. She wanted to establish some form of trust with this man. Ha! Trust. What was she thinking? If he wanted trust then -he- could offer something. She was the wounded party here.
Aishe was right though, she couldn't do this alone but by the same token she couldn't protect any one, not really. She looked up from her odd little soccer game, the sugar packet forgotten skittered to the floor as she missed it, a bit intrigued by Aishe's suggestion. That made a great deal of sense. Because the only other way she'd feel some what safe, short of having said meeting on clan grounds and that didn't seem like a good option.
Mara was the trouble, Pak didn't want either Kem or Aishe to accidentally run into her. Well, Mara didn't have to be there did she? She just had to set it up. OK. OK they had an idea.
Pak fished a new packet out of its holder and started to bat that one around as well. The next hurdle was that this was something intensely personal. She really didn't want to share it. Still, Pak reasoned, it wasn't like any one could read minds, just her state of mind and with sending they didn't even have to be in ear shot or even in the same room. This time, with a playful flick of a well manicured finger, Pak flicked the sugar across the table at Aishe.
"Ok you're right. There is no reason not to have some one close. I'd be an idiot too meet him alone in the middle of no where."Â?
These were things she just wasn't used to thinking about. Not at all. She'd not thought much about her own personal security since she realized she couldn't die, well some things were worse than death. She was learning that.
"Have you got any suggestions on the where?"Â?
It had to be some where semi private, where they could talk and Pak was already anticipating shouting. They didn't need innocent humans over hearing any of that.
Aishe was right though, she couldn't do this alone but by the same token she couldn't protect any one, not really. She looked up from her odd little soccer game, the sugar packet forgotten skittered to the floor as she missed it, a bit intrigued by Aishe's suggestion. That made a great deal of sense. Because the only other way she'd feel some what safe, short of having said meeting on clan grounds and that didn't seem like a good option.
Mara was the trouble, Pak didn't want either Kem or Aishe to accidentally run into her. Well, Mara didn't have to be there did she? She just had to set it up. OK. OK they had an idea.
Pak fished a new packet out of its holder and started to bat that one around as well. The next hurdle was that this was something intensely personal. She really didn't want to share it. Still, Pak reasoned, it wasn't like any one could read minds, just her state of mind and with sending they didn't even have to be in ear shot or even in the same room. This time, with a playful flick of a well manicured finger, Pak flicked the sugar across the table at Aishe.
"Ok you're right. There is no reason not to have some one close. I'd be an idiot too meet him alone in the middle of no where."Â?
These were things she just wasn't used to thinking about. Not at all. She'd not thought much about her own personal security since she realized she couldn't die, well some things were worse than death. She was learning that.
"Have you got any suggestions on the where?"Â?
It had to be some where semi private, where they could talk and Pak was already anticipating shouting. They didn't need innocent humans over hearing any of that.
Aishe
14 years ago
Aishe lifted her shoulders helplessly. "There are a lot of places you could go that are both public, yet discreet and semi-private," she said.
Nachton had plenty of lounges, bars, restaurants, and other establishments that had booths which were cut off from the main clientele yet still accessible.
"You want something on Clan grounds, try something at Nic's place." She threw out the name of their Clanmate's resort, well aware that there were plenty of areas inside that met their requirements.
"Or the House of Pain," she said softly, continuing to keep the conversation below the level of the ambiance music. "It might not be your scene but you can't beat it for having the right attributes."
Aishe didn't speculate on how she knew about the HoP or its environment. She simply offered Pak her most guileless smile, well aware that she looked like she'd never fit in there, and well aware that she could when it was required.
Nachton had plenty of lounges, bars, restaurants, and other establishments that had booths which were cut off from the main clientele yet still accessible.
"You want something on Clan grounds, try something at Nic's place." She threw out the name of their Clanmate's resort, well aware that there were plenty of areas inside that met their requirements.
"Or the House of Pain," she said softly, continuing to keep the conversation below the level of the ambiance music. "It might not be your scene but you can't beat it for having the right attributes."
Aishe didn't speculate on how she knew about the HoP or its environment. She simply offered Pak her most guileless smile, well aware that she looked like she'd never fit in there, and well aware that she could when it was required.
Pakpao
14 years ago
"Some how I don't think froo froo drinks with paper umbrellas set quite the right tone,"Â? Pak groused. She'd heard about the resort but had yet to go. Maybe she'd treat herself after all this was over. She'd heard rumors of vampire safe 'sunlight' and very much hoped that rumor was true.
It didn't strike her as odd Aishe would know about the HoP or that she would think of it. It did, however, seem like an OK idea. At least shouting wouldn't be out of place, hell if she got violent it would probably go un-noticed. Well, she'd think about it.
"That's not a bad suggestion. I guess... I have to find away to arrange this up first though. I need the who and the when before the where."Â?
She smiled weakly before nodding slowly and thoughtfully, gradually getting used to the idea of meeting her creator. It still scared her to death, but she was at least able to consider it and not just run blindly from the idea. Although, on the whole, she'd rather meet a werewolf in a dark alley.
"If I can set this up..."Â? Pak paused, asking for help wasn't her strong suit "I'm sort of hoping you can arrange to be there."Â?
She couldn't even consider brining some other person, not even from Meridian/Evenhet security. At least Aishe knew what was going on and some of the history. Pak had enough going on she had to be comfortable with her back up and Aishe was the only one who fit that bill.
It didn't strike her as odd Aishe would know about the HoP or that she would think of it. It did, however, seem like an OK idea. At least shouting wouldn't be out of place, hell if she got violent it would probably go un-noticed. Well, she'd think about it.
"That's not a bad suggestion. I guess... I have to find away to arrange this up first though. I need the who and the when before the where."Â?
She smiled weakly before nodding slowly and thoughtfully, gradually getting used to the idea of meeting her creator. It still scared her to death, but she was at least able to consider it and not just run blindly from the idea. Although, on the whole, she'd rather meet a werewolf in a dark alley.
"If I can set this up..."Â? Pak paused, asking for help wasn't her strong suit "I'm sort of hoping you can arrange to be there."Â?
She couldn't even consider brining some other person, not even from Meridian/Evenhet security. At least Aishe knew what was going on and some of the history. Pak had enough going on she had to be comfortable with her back up and Aishe was the only one who fit that bill.
Aishe
14 years ago
Aishe gave a dry laugh in agreement with Pak's opinion on frilly drinks. "Good point. Let's save something like that for a more pleasant occasion, anyway."
She nodded at Pak and then asked, "How are you going to find out his name? I thought you didn't have anything to go on at all."
Pak had mentioned knowing nothing about her creator; Aishe wondered if she had actually done a little bit of checking up on him. She wouldn't have been surprised. Pak seemed like the sort to at least get things started. What methods she used, though, interested Aishe greatly.
"Of course I can arrange to be there," she replied promptly. "You tell me when and I promise I'll be around."
And Kiamhaat would be, too. If not actually present, he was only a sending away and if the two of them called him for help, the full force of Evenhet would come to their assistance. Aishe didn't doubt that for a moment.
"Can I tell Kem what we're planning? I'd rather not sneak around behind his back. It might cause problems."
Surely Pak knew Aishe and Kiamhaat were bonded; if Aishe tried to conceal anything from him he would certainly pick up on it, and she wasn't sure how he'd react. Most likely, he'd respect her privacy and suffer some sort of insecurity over it when she wasn't around to know. Aishe didn't want that at all; she had always been honest with him, and vice versa.
She nodded at Pak and then asked, "How are you going to find out his name? I thought you didn't have anything to go on at all."
Pak had mentioned knowing nothing about her creator; Aishe wondered if she had actually done a little bit of checking up on him. She wouldn't have been surprised. Pak seemed like the sort to at least get things started. What methods she used, though, interested Aishe greatly.
"Of course I can arrange to be there," she replied promptly. "You tell me when and I promise I'll be around."
And Kiamhaat would be, too. If not actually present, he was only a sending away and if the two of them called him for help, the full force of Evenhet would come to their assistance. Aishe didn't doubt that for a moment.
"Can I tell Kem what we're planning? I'd rather not sneak around behind his back. It might cause problems."
Surely Pak knew Aishe and Kiamhaat were bonded; if Aishe tried to conceal anything from him he would certainly pick up on it, and she wasn't sure how he'd react. Most likely, he'd respect her privacy and suffer some sort of insecurity over it when she wasn't around to know. Aishe didn't want that at all; she had always been honest with him, and vice versa.
Pakpao
14 years ago
"We'll find something to celebrate."Â?
Pak promised. After this, she probably owed Aishe something, and she could use a mental break besides. Drinks with paper umbrellas seemed appropriate for that.
Well... er... yeah. OK she hadn't thought about that. Pak wasn't ready to mention Mara just yet. That would open a whole new can of worms.
"I've found some leads and will be spending some quality time with MARI. It will probably be more luck than anything if I can get him to show up."Â?
It was easily dismissed as just some ideas and things that she had to work on. Honestly though, she didn't even know if Mara would answer her phone let alone help her with this. The woman might just laugh in her face.
Pak sighed, massively relived that Aishe had so readily agreed. Well that was one person who was going to show up to this meeting.
"Kem?"Â?
She asked surprise. Pak had hoped to keep this whole idiotic notion to herself and not involve her big brother. But now she'd involved Aishe and that rather involved Kem whether she wanted to or not.
"Ummmm... god damned it... well yeah, that makes sense I guess. But only if you promise he won't yell at me."Â?
This was a stupid idea and potentially dangerous. She had a feeling he'd be worried.
Pak promised. After this, she probably owed Aishe something, and she could use a mental break besides. Drinks with paper umbrellas seemed appropriate for that.
Well... er... yeah. OK she hadn't thought about that. Pak wasn't ready to mention Mara just yet. That would open a whole new can of worms.
"I've found some leads and will be spending some quality time with MARI. It will probably be more luck than anything if I can get him to show up."Â?
It was easily dismissed as just some ideas and things that she had to work on. Honestly though, she didn't even know if Mara would answer her phone let alone help her with this. The woman might just laugh in her face.
Pak sighed, massively relived that Aishe had so readily agreed. Well that was one person who was going to show up to this meeting.
"Kem?"Â?
She asked surprise. Pak had hoped to keep this whole idiotic notion to herself and not involve her big brother. But now she'd involved Aishe and that rather involved Kem whether she wanted to or not.
"Ummmm... god damned it... well yeah, that makes sense I guess. But only if you promise he won't yell at me."Â?
This was a stupid idea and potentially dangerous. She had a feeling he'd be worried.