What a horrible group of questions. The truth of the matter lay in them, this Dana knew, but facing them, made her stomach hurt a bit.
She took a few moments to mull over the questions in her mind. Normally she'd have kept the answers to herself, but she wanted Ysabel's opinion and she'd already shared so much.
"Insecurity I have in spades, Ysabel. I find I am not nearly as sure of myself in the presence of my clan as I was in my home with Lady Erin. I have an almost overwhelming fear of humans in large gatherings, of humans in general really. Amir's helping me with that one, but it makes me feel weak in front of him.
I worry that all my little oddities will grow tiresome to him and he'll walk away. And Mara...well she is his child he has known her for so long and she knows so much more than I do, and has skills that I will never possess.
But I do not resent their time together anymore than I resent his time with Bao. It is necessary to what he does for our clan, but also she is his friend."
As her words wound down she shrugged. "I'm terribly sorry to have burdened you with this Ysabel. It seems I am sorely lacking in friends and Lady Erin..." A soft sigh escaped her and she chose not to shed anymore tears. "She is of no use to me any longer."
Come in out of the Pain ((open))
She'd cried herself to sleep that morning, and had awoken with no signs of such bitter weeping aside from the sticky trails on her cheeks and slightly stained pillow cases. Annoyed with herself, Dana had stripped the bed linens, and replaced them with fresh. It was a childish thing to cry ones self to sleep, but she seemed the better for it that afternoon and was perhaps glad of the opportunity and peace that came of it.
She showered, and spent the rest of the day light hours vacillating between playing an instrument and writing in her journal. She wanted very much to seek out Amir, but she did not know where he would be, and calling his phone seemed out of place. By the time twilight fell, she'd written sixteen pages and had still not poured out all that was waring in her now more peaceful mind. However she tired of the indoors and so betook herself, her guitar and her writing materials to the small garden close to the manor that was dotted with comfortable seating areas of large cushioned wicker furniture.
It was here that she sat, guitar leaned against the low wall at her back, feet drawn up against her bottom, book placed on her knees, ink well and jade sand shaker on the low table beside the wide chair she curled in. All that could be heard were the gentle night sounds of the garden, and the scritching of her pen followed by the tapping of ink. Every so often the scritching would stop, a soft shaking heard, followed by her breath across the page.
The sand she used gave the purplish ink a subtle sparkle, and though the words were wrenching and difficult, the look of it pleased her. Here she did not mind the imperfections that came with real pen dipped in ink. It was an old thing and she liked old things. It was sad how things such as inkwell and pen had gone by the wayside for ballpoints with the ink attached. This small comfort helped make the horror of the words on the page a little lessened for her.
With a small sigh, Dana regained her pen, dipped it in the ink, tapped it twice and began to recount the night that had nearly taken Amir from her, and she had learned about the monsters that had four legs as well as sharp teeth.
Dana
14 years ago
Ysabel
14 years ago
Dana was so full of worry, Ysabel felt bad for her. But she didn't know exactly how to help her Clan-sister.
"Does he seem to mind your oddities now? Do they bother him?" She asked for Dana's sake and for hers. Ysabel just didn't know a lot about Amir Rashid, certainly nothing about his personal life. She had never considered him as the "other half" of a relationship.
"And does he seem to agree that you are weak?" What Amir (it was difficult for her to keep thinking of him so formally in the midst of such a discussion) perceived and what Dana did could be two completely different things. Ysabel knew Amir could be hotheaded and opinionated but it was generally only with certain vampires and she didn't think Dana was one of those. With people he approved of, as she knew firsthand, he was cordial, polite, and helpful.
She shook her head, gathering her thoughts about the two. "From what I know of Amir," she said, "he doesn't suffer fools easily. In addition, he has never been known to keep silent on topics of controversy. Therefore, I have to assume that if he is with you now, it is because he genuinely likes you. If he felt you were weak I have every reason to believe he would tell you so without hiding the fact."
Even as she said the words though, she felt a little guilty. She didn't know Amir well enough. Yes, in her experience he said what he meant and damn the consequences. But she'd never known him to have a significant other. Maybe he was a different person then?
With a little sigh she smiled at Dana. "It's never a burden to try and help, although I don't know what good I can really be in this situation." She was curious about Dana's comment regarding Lady Erin, but she was too polite to pry.
"Let me just say, though, that you know about Ambrose and I," she waited for Dana's nod before continuing. "Well, two people couldn't be less alike." Ysabel's eyes twinkled with humor. "Even so, we've found reason to celebrate our differences, not let them pull us apart. I could never act like Ambrose - brash, bold, and yes, obnoxious at times, any more than he could practice subtlety or delicacy. Yet we enjoy being together and we appreciate that we have different personalities."
Maybe that was food for thought. Two people didn't have to have everything in common for a relationship to work.
"Does he seem to mind your oddities now? Do they bother him?" She asked for Dana's sake and for hers. Ysabel just didn't know a lot about Amir Rashid, certainly nothing about his personal life. She had never considered him as the "other half" of a relationship.
"And does he seem to agree that you are weak?" What Amir (it was difficult for her to keep thinking of him so formally in the midst of such a discussion) perceived and what Dana did could be two completely different things. Ysabel knew Amir could be hotheaded and opinionated but it was generally only with certain vampires and she didn't think Dana was one of those. With people he approved of, as she knew firsthand, he was cordial, polite, and helpful.
She shook her head, gathering her thoughts about the two. "From what I know of Amir," she said, "he doesn't suffer fools easily. In addition, he has never been known to keep silent on topics of controversy. Therefore, I have to assume that if he is with you now, it is because he genuinely likes you. If he felt you were weak I have every reason to believe he would tell you so without hiding the fact."
Even as she said the words though, she felt a little guilty. She didn't know Amir well enough. Yes, in her experience he said what he meant and damn the consequences. But she'd never known him to have a significant other. Maybe he was a different person then?
With a little sigh she smiled at Dana. "It's never a burden to try and help, although I don't know what good I can really be in this situation." She was curious about Dana's comment regarding Lady Erin, but she was too polite to pry.
"Let me just say, though, that you know about Ambrose and I," she waited for Dana's nod before continuing. "Well, two people couldn't be less alike." Ysabel's eyes twinkled with humor. "Even so, we've found reason to celebrate our differences, not let them pull us apart. I could never act like Ambrose - brash, bold, and yes, obnoxious at times, any more than he could practice subtlety or delicacy. Yet we enjoy being together and we appreciate that we have different personalities."
Maybe that was food for thought. Two people didn't have to have everything in common for a relationship to work.
Dana
14 years ago
Dana laughed, she had to. Amir did not suffer fools, and was quite plain about it. Nor did he suffer foolishness from her, thus the pressing of her through her fears. Not really forcing her to face them, but not letting them hold her back. "Oh, no, Amir seems to accept them all, as he has a great many of his own. I, however, worry anyway, as it has been my experience that they grow tiresome. I have not ever known anyone else besides Lady Erin and her familiars to suffer my eccentricities with aplomb and from time to time feigned ignorance."
She sat up, and arranged her skirt, and properly crossed her knees before wiping away all traces of the tears that had been on her face through out the evening. "I don't think he sees them as weakness, but as having never learned any better. It is that feels small and silly and weak when they surface in front of him."
Returning Ysabel's smile was easy, and listening to her description of she and Ambrose was encouraging. "You have helped tremendously, Ysabel. While things aren't wrapped up in the neat little boxes I'd like them to be, I can see the point where they will be. It is amazing to me how much just talking about it with someone not in the middle of it has helped.
I do not like the mess that has come from all of this. Things should be neat and in their place and this...this has no place on the shelf yet. But I think that I can find a place now and know that it fits just fine alongside everything else up there."
She wasn't sure that that would make sense to Ysabel, but it worked for her.
She sat up, and arranged her skirt, and properly crossed her knees before wiping away all traces of the tears that had been on her face through out the evening. "I don't think he sees them as weakness, but as having never learned any better. It is that feels small and silly and weak when they surface in front of him."
Returning Ysabel's smile was easy, and listening to her description of she and Ambrose was encouraging. "You have helped tremendously, Ysabel. While things aren't wrapped up in the neat little boxes I'd like them to be, I can see the point where they will be. It is amazing to me how much just talking about it with someone not in the middle of it has helped.
I do not like the mess that has come from all of this. Things should be neat and in their place and this...this has no place on the shelf yet. But I think that I can find a place now and know that it fits just fine alongside everything else up there."
She wasn't sure that that would make sense to Ysabel, but it worked for her.
Ysabel
14 years ago
Ysabel wondered that she was able to be of any real help when, from what Dana said, most of her Clan-sister's worries seemed to be in her head and not based on any real events. She seemed to be creating her own problems. She understood the value of talking it over with a sympathetic ear though, so she just shrugged her shoulders with another smile.
"I'm happy to be a sounding board any time you need one." In this case, the words weren't spoken merely to be polite, but because Ysabel liked Dana and meant them.
She laughed softly, not condescending but amused, at Dana's classifications. "I do know what you mean," she said, "but I find life is more interesting, personally, when things don't always go as I planned them."
She never would have met Amber, or, for that matter, Marie, if everything in their lives went as planned. "We'll be in this world for some time yet," she said thoughtfully. "Best we learn to enjoy every curve ball if we can, because we're bound to be thrown a few."
The baseball reference came fairly easily, a testament to how many times she and Ambrose had been to the Park to see the games since meeting. Not that Dana could have known that, but, Ysabel thought, her own words were proof of her ability to bat at said curve balls. She hoped Dana could develop the same, or at the very least, learn to cope.
"I'm happy to be a sounding board any time you need one." In this case, the words weren't spoken merely to be polite, but because Ysabel liked Dana and meant them.
She laughed softly, not condescending but amused, at Dana's classifications. "I do know what you mean," she said, "but I find life is more interesting, personally, when things don't always go as I planned them."
She never would have met Amber, or, for that matter, Marie, if everything in their lives went as planned. "We'll be in this world for some time yet," she said thoughtfully. "Best we learn to enjoy every curve ball if we can, because we're bound to be thrown a few."
The baseball reference came fairly easily, a testament to how many times she and Ambrose had been to the Park to see the games since meeting. Not that Dana could have known that, but, Ysabel thought, her own words were proof of her ability to bat at said curve balls. She hoped Dana could develop the same, or at the very least, learn to cope.
Dana
14 years ago
She smiled at Ysabel, feeling more like herself than she had in some time. It was nice to have someone who, while she might not understand, tried and listened just the same.
But her last words were confusing. "Interesting, yes, but difficult. Something I'm not entirely fond of in the least. But, what is a curve ball?"
She had an inkling it had to do with some sport or another, but she didn't often study the sports of a nation or era, they held no interest for her. The arts and languages, food and aristocratic culture, yes, but not sports.
But her last words were confusing. "Interesting, yes, but difficult. Something I'm not entirely fond of in the least. But, what is a curve ball?"
She had an inkling it had to do with some sport or another, but she didn't often study the sports of a nation or era, they held no interest for her. The arts and languages, food and aristocratic culture, yes, but not sports.
Ysabel
14 years ago
Ysabel felt her cheeks flush a little. "A baseball term," she pointed out, certain that Dana couldn't be so sheltered as to never have heard of the game. "The pitcher throws the ball and it appears to be going wide but then curves back into the strike zone. it can throw a batter off very easily."
And it was a superb metaphor for many things in life. As well as a phrase Ambrose had used on several occasions.
"You should come see a game some time." She smiled and added, "Maybe with Amir."
As the words, strictly polite, came out of her mouth, she instantly regretted them although it didn't show on her face or in her demeanor; she was far too well-schooled for that. But inwardly she frowned at herself. Hadn't she been trying to keep Ambrose away from Amir for months?
And it was a superb metaphor for many things in life. As well as a phrase Ambrose had used on several occasions.
"You should come see a game some time." She smiled and added, "Maybe with Amir."
As the words, strictly polite, came out of her mouth, she instantly regretted them although it didn't show on her face or in her demeanor; she was far too well-schooled for that. But inwardly she frowned at herself. Hadn't she been trying to keep Ambrose away from Amir for months?
Dana
14 years ago
"Ah, yes, America's favorite pastime."
The description of a curve ball made her metaphor make sense. Life did throw things at you that looked like they were going one way only to come back at you and smack you right in the face. At least life outside of Lady Erin's home did. Curve balls didn't happen back home, ever.
As for the other, "I don't particularly like sports, and I'm not fond of crowds either. I'm fairly certain Amir would care to sit through a game either, though I don't know. It's never come up."
She smiled at Ysabel, softening her words. "It was a great suggestion, thank you."
She tilted her head to the side. "I have a feeling I am keeping you from something. You have been a very good friend to listen to my woes. But please don't let me keep you."
The description of a curve ball made her metaphor make sense. Life did throw things at you that looked like they were going one way only to come back at you and smack you right in the face. At least life outside of Lady Erin's home did. Curve balls didn't happen back home, ever.
As for the other, "I don't particularly like sports, and I'm not fond of crowds either. I'm fairly certain Amir would care to sit through a game either, though I don't know. It's never come up."
She smiled at Ysabel, softening her words. "It was a great suggestion, thank you."
She tilted her head to the side. "I have a feeling I am keeping you from something. You have been a very good friend to listen to my woes. But please don't let me keep you."
Ysabel
14 years ago
It was with a little relief that Ysabel nodded at Dana. "Another venue, then," she said, delaying the invitation until she could think of some suitable way to properly introduce Ambrose and Amir.
With a soft laugh she stood. Dana was versed in the manners of the same era as she, and it was easy to understand that their conversation was over. She wasn't sure if she'd been much help, but sometimes all a person needed was a shoulder to lean on and a pair of sympathetic ears. Dana was old enough to figure out her emotions.
"I was about to change out of my fur-covered clothing," she admitted. "Ambrose and I are going out in a little while and I don't want to be covered in horse when we do."
With a smile Ysabel leaned forward and wrapped her arms around Dana's shoulders. It was the warm embrace of a friend, not the coolly polite half-hug from one peer to another. She kissed the woman softly on her cheek and straightened. "You know, if you want a place to get away for a little while, Dana, Ambrose and I have a house nearby. It's just across the Manor property and it's very quiet. I'd love for you to meet my familiar Marie, and the weather is warm enough to enjoy the pool. We'd love to have you over for a little while, a night or two or however long you'd like."
She meant her offer with all sincerity. There was more than enough room in their home for Dana to even wander about unseen if she wanted. It might be good for her to get away from everything for a while, maybe stay in a home instead of at the Manor while she sorted out her feelings.
With a soft laugh she stood. Dana was versed in the manners of the same era as she, and it was easy to understand that their conversation was over. She wasn't sure if she'd been much help, but sometimes all a person needed was a shoulder to lean on and a pair of sympathetic ears. Dana was old enough to figure out her emotions.
"I was about to change out of my fur-covered clothing," she admitted. "Ambrose and I are going out in a little while and I don't want to be covered in horse when we do."
With a smile Ysabel leaned forward and wrapped her arms around Dana's shoulders. It was the warm embrace of a friend, not the coolly polite half-hug from one peer to another. She kissed the woman softly on her cheek and straightened. "You know, if you want a place to get away for a little while, Dana, Ambrose and I have a house nearby. It's just across the Manor property and it's very quiet. I'd love for you to meet my familiar Marie, and the weather is warm enough to enjoy the pool. We'd love to have you over for a little while, a night or two or however long you'd like."
She meant her offer with all sincerity. There was more than enough room in their home for Dana to even wander about unseen if she wanted. It might be good for her to get away from everything for a while, maybe stay in a home instead of at the Manor while she sorted out her feelings.
Dana
14 years ago
Ysabel's hug was warm and comforting, and Dana returned her hug and kiss with sincerity and a bit of love behind it.
"I will give it some thought, thank you, Ysabel."
She wasn't sure that leaving the manor would be best. It felt a little like running away again and she knew she didn't want to do that. As Ysabel straightened, Dana stood and offered the other woman a curtsy. She felt so much more calm with in herself. Things were not solved, and she still had to deal with the whole werewolf thing, but none of it seemed so large anymore.
"Enjoy your night, Ysabel. I am sure I will see you soon."
It was time to dress, and head to work. She had a client that was waiting for a new identity and another that wanted to change around bank accounts. She could take a mental health day some other time, but then she didn't think she would need it now.
((Dana out pending response.))
"I will give it some thought, thank you, Ysabel."
She wasn't sure that leaving the manor would be best. It felt a little like running away again and she knew she didn't want to do that. As Ysabel straightened, Dana stood and offered the other woman a curtsy. She felt so much more calm with in herself. Things were not solved, and she still had to deal with the whole werewolf thing, but none of it seemed so large anymore.
"Enjoy your night, Ysabel. I am sure I will see you soon."
It was time to dress, and head to work. She had a client that was waiting for a new identity and another that wanted to change around bank accounts. She could take a mental health day some other time, but then she didn't think she would need it now.
((Dana out pending response.))
Ysabel
14 years ago
Ysabel returned Dana's curtsey before once more gathering her gown comfortably over her arm and heading toward the garden entrance with a smile.
"You're welcome any time," she replied. "And enjoy yours as well. I'll see you soon, I'm sure."
With one last little wave of her free hand she headed back in along the garden paths toward the Manor, toward a shower and clean clothing, and toward Ambrose.
((ooc: Ysabel out))
"You're welcome any time," she replied. "And enjoy yours as well. I'll see you soon, I'm sure."
With one last little wave of her free hand she headed back in along the garden paths toward the Manor, toward a shower and clean clothing, and toward Ambrose.
((ooc: Ysabel out))