Kem studied Pak for a few moments and then nodded. He wasn't sure if she was being conciliatory just to shut him up, or if she really believed her own words. He made a mental note to keep an eye on her regardless, and made no further comment on the topic except to say, "Good. You have a home here."
Pak had moved closer and Kem slid his arm around her, once more bringing her close to him. She was every bit a little sister to him; seeing her in pain annoyed him on her behalf and he wished he could help in some other way, This time, though, she was handling it by herself.
Her whispered words drew forth a sigh from him. "You're never going to stop missing them," he said almost apologetically. In this, he guessed, he could speak with a fair amount of certainty. "I used to think that over time the faces would fade, that maybe I wouldn't remember a detail. Their eyes, or their hair, or their smiles."
Kem felt the corner of his mouth twist up with the irony. "Like usual I was wrong. I don't think I've forgotten anything at all. Oh, I know they grew up. But we didn't have pictures, you know. So even if someone had recoded their lives I never would have had that reference. They're still my kids. They always were."
It never had gotten any more difficult to bring their faces to mind. Nor had he lost any recollection of Sennwy's features, or Ha-Neferet's. Not that he knew of, anyway. They all stood out in his mind in very vivid detail.
"I actually wished they would go away, at first," he said, "but now that I think about it I'm glad they didn't. Memory is really the only thing I have any of them anymore, and now that so much time has passed I would hate to lose that."
A Picture Is Worth A Thousand Words
It had been a very odd couple of days. Pak... well one second she was in tears, then she'd be shouting at her fish, the only other living thing in her apartment, and then she'd be practically skipping. Through out it all thought, the pictures he'd given her remained where she could see them.
It was hard to come to any hard and fast decision about how she felt about all of this. About him. Feeling like she wanted to keep this at least semi-private, she'd been working from home and hadn't left her rooms in a day or two. At least she hadn't gone incommunicado as she had when he'd rediscovered her.
Finally, she decided Bao was right, she couldn't keep this to herself. She wanted to talk to Kem, he was the only person she could think of who would have any idea who she might be feeling. But, she knew how busy he was and hesitated to just send to him. She tried to be considerate of his workload. Not that she didn't love 'Kem the clan leader', some days though, some times she missed 'just Kem'.
She sent an email. Nothing fancy, just a 'Hey when you have some time come up to my place. I want to talk. Yeah, its about him, sort of.' No sense not having Kem come prepared.
Kem`Raaisu
14 years ago
Pakpao
14 years ago
For a moment Pak considered pulling away from Kem. She was being a damned lousy friend, not telling him about his maker, about his daughter, about the hell she'd gone through, but selfishness won out. She hated the idea that this would be dragging up memories for him too, but Kem was the only person she knew who would understand what this was like.
She rested her head on his chest and closed her eyes to stop the tears that were threatening to build. There was some hope in his words though. If Kem could remember after all the years he'd been alive, maybe she would too. Even if Bao had taken them from her, twice over, they were still her children. Hers, not his.
"I don't think we should forget."Â?
She never had. It was just this new information was a bit harder to digest than she'd anticipated. Pak had never planed on being grateful to Bao for anything. She never had planned on finding out anything about her children. She didn't have to love Bao for what he'd done, but maybe he was less of an evil son of a bitch than she thought.
"It's funny. I had this all figured out for the past two, three hundred years. Suanan raised the children, probably married again and they had half brothers and sisters. I guess challenging that idea ... it's hard."Â?
She sighed but some how managed to continue.
"You're right it should have been me, or at the very least their father taking care of them. And I'm never not going to be jealous he got to be the one who did raise them. But I guess, ultimately, I'm glad someone did. None of this was their fault, and they needed someone to take care of them. Even if the bastard did murder both their parents. At least they never knew that."Â?
She rested her head on his chest and closed her eyes to stop the tears that were threatening to build. There was some hope in his words though. If Kem could remember after all the years he'd been alive, maybe she would too. Even if Bao had taken them from her, twice over, they were still her children. Hers, not his.
"I don't think we should forget."Â?
She never had. It was just this new information was a bit harder to digest than she'd anticipated. Pak had never planed on being grateful to Bao for anything. She never had planned on finding out anything about her children. She didn't have to love Bao for what he'd done, but maybe he was less of an evil son of a bitch than she thought.
"It's funny. I had this all figured out for the past two, three hundred years. Suanan raised the children, probably married again and they had half brothers and sisters. I guess challenging that idea ... it's hard."Â?
She sighed but some how managed to continue.
"You're right it should have been me, or at the very least their father taking care of them. And I'm never not going to be jealous he got to be the one who did raise them. But I guess, ultimately, I'm glad someone did. None of this was their fault, and they needed someone to take care of them. Even if the bastard did murder both their parents. At least they never knew that."Â?
Kem`Raaisu
14 years ago
Kem placed his own now-empty coffee-mug to the side and hugged Pak close with both arms. Once again he nodded along with her as she spoke, agreeing with her words and with the conclusion she was reaching.
"I think you're right," he said when Pak seemed to be finished. "You can't change what happened, but you can accept it and move on."
It was important to him that she moved on. Kem had spent so long doing just the opposite that he was still making up for it now. "It's easy to forget to keep going. But they did," he gestured at the pictures of Pak's son and daughter, "So we should, too."
As they sat there he smiled down at Pak. "Why don't you tell me about them," he suggested. "Anything you remember. I'd have liked to know them too."
"I think you're right," he said when Pak seemed to be finished. "You can't change what happened, but you can accept it and move on."
It was important to him that she moved on. Kem had spent so long doing just the opposite that he was still making up for it now. "It's easy to forget to keep going. But they did," he gestured at the pictures of Pak's son and daughter, "So we should, too."
As they sat there he smiled down at Pak. "Why don't you tell me about them," he suggested. "Anything you remember. I'd have liked to know them too."
Pakpao
14 years ago
Bao had tried to comfort her too Pak remembered with a start. He really had cared, maybe just for a second or two but he had. He'd let her cry and tried to be there for her. The relationship, however, was too new, too awkward and he was too much part of the problem for her to really take anything from it.
With Kem it was different. He was very much her big brother. She trusted him implicitly and knowing his story she felt he really did understand. It was easy to feel safe and supported. Pak even allowed herself a momentary fantasy of their children participating in a 'play date'. Although, what the hell happened during a play date she didn't know. It was a term she'd heard from those members of her staff who had kids.
It took no effort at all for her to remember the few years they'd had as a family. Pak easily started telling stories about her children, even about her stillborn daughter and how the other children had handled it. Sharing this with some one for the first time in years felt good. It felt like her children weren't gone, not completely. Kem was an excellent listener Pak never felt rushed or if she was taking up his time. It meant a lot to her.
((OOC... both out with permission))
With Kem it was different. He was very much her big brother. She trusted him implicitly and knowing his story she felt he really did understand. It was easy to feel safe and supported. Pak even allowed herself a momentary fantasy of their children participating in a 'play date'. Although, what the hell happened during a play date she didn't know. It was a term she'd heard from those members of her staff who had kids.
It took no effort at all for her to remember the few years they'd had as a family. Pak easily started telling stories about her children, even about her stillborn daughter and how the other children had handled it. Sharing this with some one for the first time in years felt good. It felt like her children weren't gone, not completely. Kem was an excellent listener Pak never felt rushed or if she was taking up his time. It meant a lot to her.
((OOC... both out with permission))