Eliminating the Im-paws-ible (private)
A memory is what is left when something happens and does not completely unhappen. ~Edward de Bono
Mara looked around her apartment with something approaching satisfaction, although in truth she was highly unsatisfied. She had revised her plans several times already, making last minute changes and fixing minute little details that probably didn't matter but to her seemed like glaring problems.
She was more than aware of the fact that it was mostly nerves speaking. She had never, since buying this building, invited anyone but Amir to visit. She'd never wanted anyone that close. But it was Valentine's Day and she was looking forward to celebrating it. Still, what would Jin think?
This was hardly a gift; if she looked at her motives too closely she might see that it was somewhat selfish of her to have planned like this. Should she have arranged for something more formal? Dinner out? A party? Jin was so much more outgoing than she; maybe this wasn't his idea of fun at all.
Mara had wanted a night alone with him though, something that was just for them to share. She had done her best to mingle things they both enjoyed. Her gifts to him were small ones; the key to her cellar doors, which she realized he didn't need, yes, but she wanted to give to him; the dinner she'd worked to create which neither of them required but she'd thought would be enjoyable to share; the invitation to stay the day most of all, which she wasn't sure he'd want to do but Mara had fallen asleep curled up next to Jin several times now and she loved the feeling.
She wanted to feel that here, in her place, so that when he was gone perhaps a ghost of him would remain and she would always feel him there.
She looked around the dimly-lit area. Mara had very few lights in her apartment; there were, instead, a number of LED 'candles' here and there adding light where it was needed. Tonight, she'd hung three or four of her little glass mobiles from the ceiling, a blue LED light topping each so that the glass reflected the light and scattered colored prisms all over the ceiling like starlight. She didn't know if she'd keep them up but she liked the effect.
She had checked the time repeatedly; it had been a few hours since setting her trail in place. She didn't think Jin would have trouble finding her so he should be there soon. Dinner was ready; it was the sort of thing that would keep. Both that and dessert had been successful with some cook books and a few days' practice. It was too late to change any plans now. Hopefully she'd gotten at least some of the details right.
Mara turned down the music (a CD of classical acoustic guitar) so she could listen for noise downstairs. With any luck Jin would be there soon.[FONT=georgia, bookman old style, palatino linotype, book antiqua, palatino, trebuchet ms, helvetica, garamond, sans-serif, arial, verdana, avante garde, century gothic, comic sans ms, times, times new roman, serif]
[/FONT]
"You can do -that- again, any time you like."
Mara's hands had found other parts of him and he sighed softly, reduced to speechless as she scooted down and placed her mouth against sensitive skin. Her hand found his length again. He moaned softly, his breathing keeping pace with each stroke.
Then she bit him. His whole body arched with the pleasure of it. Jin cried out, unsure of what he said, only vaguely aware that it was in Chinese. His eyes rolled back, he closed them. His breath coming in great shuddering gasps as pleasure coursed through every part of his body.
Somewhere in the back of his mind, Jin had the vague sense that if this was Mara -not- knowing what to do then he was in deep trouble.
The trouble was, she didn't know how to proceed from here. Should she continue? Clearly Jin was enjoying her trial and error process, much to her relief. But like a cat who had climbed up a tree Mara found herself standing on an exposed limb with no idea how to get back down.
Since he was there, clearly enjoying what she was doing, Mara remained where she was until inspiration could strike again... or until Jin gave her some direction. She pressed her tongue gently against his leg, sucked at the sensitive skin a little bit harder, and gave another pleasant little stroke or three with her hand, smoothing it over him and enjoying the feel of soft velvety skin over deceptive hardness.
It never once occurred to her that perhaps Jin was losing his focus a tiny bit. She did take note of the fact that playing with him like this made her feel good too. She felt warm and loose, as if she would barely be able to stand up straight if she tried. Every piece of her self was straining to be in contact with Jin. It was a delightful feeling. It pleased her to no end to know that this particular selfishness, enjoying the feelings this was creating in her, was also giving Jin pleasure.
It occurred to him then that she really didn't know what to do next. That thought filled him with a sense of wonderment and compassion. Mara had lived a long time to not have enjoyed doing this with someone. He was awed that she would choose him.
Reaching down, Jin encouraged her to come up to him. "Baobei, if you keep doing that you will most certainly break me." He smiled. "In the best possible of ways. However." He leaned forward and kissed her gently. "I would then need time to recover before playing again."
He raised his eyebrows and smiled, gently guiding her back down onto the bed. Laying beside her, Jin said. "I think its time I find out what you like."
Jin started by reaching out for her hand. He kissed the inside of her wrist and then nibbled and licked his way up the inside of her arm, then over her shoulder and down her collar bone. He didn't want to straddle her or hold her down with his weight so he continued his attentions from the side.
Echoing her earlier little caress, Jin rubbed the tip of his nose lightly in the valley between her breasts. Taking his time, he bent down and placed his lips against the side of the little mound nearest him. Her skin was soft and smooth; he loved the way it moved beneath him as he pressed his mouth more firmly against it. Jin circled it slowly, nibbling and licking his way inward. Once he was almost at the center, he paused and looked up at Mara. Watching for her reaction, he lowered his lips to her nipple, surrounding it with the moist warmth of his mouth. Jin slid his tongue over it. Playing, he circled it a few times before sucking softly, gauging her reaction before doing more.
"I don't want this over with," she mumbled softly, embarrassed at the idea that she might have inadvertently pushed the limits before he was ready.
When Jin laid her down and stretched out next to her, Mara felt the change immediately. This was a different game now. She tensed as he caressed his way up her arm, over her shoulder, and across her collar bone. He didn't hold her down at all; just carefully and tenderly made his way across her skin.
As he rubbed his nose against her chest she exhaled, closing her eyes and relaxing. Almost immediately she opened them again; she didn't like not being able to see Jin. It was comforting to her to watch him so she trained her pale eyes on him as he made his slow journey around her breast.
His mouth on her skin was delicious. She stopped breathing at all for a few moments until he began to suck lightly. Then she gasped and bit her lip gently as a wave of heat shot through her. Arching her back Mara pressed up toward him. She lifted her hand, feeling awkward with nothing else to do, and gently ran her fingers through Jin's hair.
"I think I like that," she breathed softly. "No. Wait. I like that."
She didn't want to leave him doubting. She was nervous, but she was learning.
He got up on his hands and knees long enough to move over her and settle down on the other side. Brushing his fingers across the nipple that he had just left, Jin leaned forward to wrap his lips around the other one. He sucked gently, working his tongue against it and then sucked a little harder, all the while still running his thumb over the other one. He listened for the sounds to confirm that,yes, she did like this before moving on to explore other areas.
Sitting up, Jin scooted further down. He leaned forward over her and gently raised one of her legs. Starting with the inside of her knee, he slowly nibbled and kissed his way down her inner thigh. Once he was further down, he brought her other leg onto his shoulder before going back to his exploration of the first one.
Laying down, the little silver coloured panties mere inches away, Jin was overcome by just how much he wanted her. He had been telling himself that he would be as patient as he needed to be but if Mara wanted to stop now then he was going to need a long, very long, cold shower. He rubbed the tip of his nose against the little panties, enjoying the warm scent of her around him. Looking up at Mara, he glanced down at them and questioned.
"May I?"
Now she felt like anything but. Enjoyment didn't even begin to cover the sensation of Jin's mouth coupled with the caress of his thumb. Mara watched, fascinated, before briefly closing her eyes and making a little whimpering sound. She felt guilty for having visited this torment on Jin... but it was beautiful even through the torture.
Jin moved again, downward, and slid beneath her leg. His warm mouth on the back of her knee made her inhale sharply, arching her back and grabbing at the covers very much like he had. She looked down at him with a blush and a little smile; Mara hadn't known she was sensitive there.
"That too," she moaned softly.
As Jin worked his way down the inside of her thigh, lifting her other leg in the process, it was obvious to Mara where he was headed. She could safely say that no one in her life had ever done anything like what she suspected he was going to. His nose against the little silver panel of fabric dragged another soft moan through her lips.
Shivering a little with anticipation, Mara nodded at Jin. As if to confirm her response she pulled him a tiny bit closer with her legs. With a visible effort she exhaled and relaxed again. There was no fear for her, a fact that surprised her... she was simply nervous. But she watched Jin so that she knew every second who was touching her, and the sight of him there was more than enough to overcome any nerves she felt.
Sitting up a bit,Jin leaned over her. He transferred both her legs to the same shoulder, tilting his head to give them more room. He slid his fingers underneath the band and eased the fabric down her hips,lifting her slightly to pull the panties from beneath her. Running his hands along the outside of her legs, he pushed the fabric until it met resistance at his shoulder. He untangled them and set them aside, impatient to resume his place between her thighs.
He pulled one leg up and ran his tongue in a long slow swipe behind her knee before settling it back on his other shoulder. Easing down until he was just above her again, Jin smiled and murmured.
"Now where was I?"
Turning his head to the side, he kissed and sucked on her inner thigh, then said "No...that's not it." He moved inward until his mouth was against her mound and hummed softly against her skin before saying. "Ah here." Jin repeated his earlier nuzzle, rubbing his cheek against her, revealing in the feel of her on his face. Glancing up at her, he smiled before returning his attention to 'where he was'. He kissed and nibbled softly, before sliding his tongue inside her folds and licking gently. Finding that little hard bead of pleasure, he flicked it lightly with his tongue. Jin loved the silken moist feel of her and quickened his pace. Unable to watch her, he listened for her reaction, making sure she liked this as well.
Jin's tongue behind her knee again met with a similar result as it had the first; she jumped a little and gasped. Mara had no idea what it was about that area, but his mouth, warm and wet on her skin, was heavenly.
She uttered a little whimper as Jin made his teasing progress toward her core, letting her breath out in one long sigh, shaping it into his name as his tongue caressed her.
Before this, Mara would have shrugged and appeared ambivalent about sex. Now she was lying here on her own bed, panting and writhing like a cat in heat and they hadn't even had sex yet. And still, Mara knew it wouldn't have meant anything to her years ago. It was Jin who made this special and wonderful.
Each teasing flick of his tongue made her gasp and clutch at the blanket on the bed. Mara's body was tightening, coiling, preparing for something unnamed. She arched toward him, pressing against him, her hips rocking of their own accord without being directed to do so.
Now she knew why he had stopped her before. If Jin continued to tease her like this, it would be she who might have to recover before they could continue, and she didn't want that. She realized, with some surprise yet, that she wanted him inside of her. And that was a first for her as well.
"Jin... please," she panted softly. She wasn't sure what else she was asking for; she trusted he would know. He was definitely driving her beyond coherent thought, however. In, as he had put it, the best possible of ways.
She said his name again, this time differently. He pulled away, kissing her thigh, hip, stomach, chest, and collar bone as he made his way up to her.
"Yes, Mara?" Jin smiled and planted a kiss on her lips before she could answer. He knew what she had been requesting and was more than ready to oblige, certain now that she wanted him to. Guiding himself to her opening, he paused there. Jin wrapped his arm around her and watched, his eyes on her's as he slid slowly into her. A long shuddering sigh of pleasure was loosened from his lips, the feel of her around him was ecstasy. Jin smiled softly, and spoke somewhat shakily.
"Please tell me tell me you like this..." He pulled back and rocked slowly forward again. Leaning down, Jin nuzzled her neck and the whispered up towards her ear. "Because if you don't I will be devastated."
As she felt him there, poised to enter her, she drew in a breath and braced herself. This was the part she hated most; that abrasive, chafing, painful sensation of entry. She knew it would only be worse if she tightened up so she forced herself to relax and waited, eyes clenched, for that moment of pain.
It never came. She was prepared to cry out but it faded away into a sigh that matched Jin's as she opened her eyes wide and stared at him in curiosity and wonder. She clutched at his back as she felt him slide inside of her, fully and deeply in that one first slow thrust. How was that possible?
Not only was it lacking any pain or discomfort but it felt good. Just as good as what Jin had been doing down there previously but deeper, somehow more satisfying. Mara heard the tremor in Jin's voice as he spoke and wondered how he could doubt that it felt anything but delicious to join like that, so smoothly, so painlessly.
As he pulled back and slid slowly into her again Mara relaxed further, her body melting once more instead of becoming stiff and tense. She waited until Jin was all the way inside of her and then wriggled against him, testing, playing, experimenting with the way he felt while he nuzzled into her neck.
By way of an answer she brushed a few strands of long white hair out from between them and used one hand to pull him to her for a kiss, her lips parted, inviting him in.
He moved slowly, her sigh had been reassuring, the hands pulling him closer further easing his worries. Though Mara did not reply to his question, her kiss was answer enough. Jin returned it with increasing fervor, his tongue reaching for her's, probing and hungry for her.
Reminding himself to do his best to make this last for her, Jin set a steady pace, reveling in the feel of her around him and her warm body moving beneath him. Not wanting to stop their embrace, he silently slid one hand along her side and thigh, gently guiding her leg over his hip. Mara was far from just laying there but he wanted her to see just how much she could do from beneath him. He would also admit to himself, and her if she asked, that he would love to feel her wrapped around him, pulling him close.
Jin's hand strayed down to her leg and she followed his lead, raising it and wrapping it around his waist. She felt the difference immediately as her hips tilted up toward Jin. With a pleased little noise she wrapped her other leg around him as well. Not only could she pull him toward her but it felt like each thrust went deeper. It was a heady feeling, being able to influence their lovemaking from this position.
The hungry, passionate edge to Jin's kiss was back; Mara wrapped her arms tighter around him, smoothed her hands over the muscles of his back as she felt them working with every movement. She broke away for just a moment, nipping at Jin's lip, watching his face, finding it hard to believe he might feel as... wild... as she did. She whispered his name again as she kissed him once more.
His weight on top of her was just the opposite of what she'd expected. He wasn't pinning her down. There was no force here. He blanketed her instead, covering her and enfolding her in tenderness and caring and heated, intense passion all at the same time. Mara tried to respond to him in kind.
It took a few minutes for her to realize that it was like dancing. She simply had to move with him, attend to his rhythm. Once she understood it the motions came more easily. She rocked against Jin, a feeling of heat rising within her, similar to what had stopped her before and made her beg him to do this. It surprised her but Mara wasn't about to turn it down. It was right that it was Jin. That he was holding her, loving her with such gentle intensity. She didn't want it to end.
Looking into her silvery eyes, Jin wondered what she saw. How much he loved her, how much he desired her? He smiled briefly when she said his name and kissed him again.
"Mara..." Jin searched her eyes as he confessed. "I can't...keep this up...much longer."
His eyes fell closed with the intensity of the pleasure and the effort to hold back. Jin forced them open again, wanting to watch her and wanting her to see him looking at her with love when his climax over came him.
Jin thrust deeply, once, twice and then a third time before he came. Arching his back and moaning her name, he succumbed to the overwhelming waves of ecstasy that rocked his body. Holding her tight, he went rigid with release, keeping his eyes connected with her's the entire time.
At his words she smiled up at him. There was no attempt to hide the love in her eyes, the tender smile upon her lips. Her arms tightened around him. "Then let it go, merit," she said softly, encouragingly.
Each deep thrust was met with a corresponding one from Mara, who clung tightly to him and did her best to encourage him. Each one brought her pleasantly closer to her own release; not quite there, but knowing she was capable... knowing that in the future that would certainly come, was incredible to her.
She felt Jin's climax throughout her body, felt him come, felt him throb hotly inside of her. Her name on his lips, his dark smoldering eyes on hers, were aphrodisiacs in and of themselves. Even as the throbbing subsided Mara continued to rock gently against him, her own body still wound tightly. She let go of his back and pulled her hands around to his front, slowly rubbing them up and over his chest. She pulled his hair away from his face, held it back and stroked his forehead gently while he recovered.
When she was certain that he was back and hearing her correctly Mara smiled up at him, her hands still gently caressing him.
"I love you, Jing Han."
Reaching up to brush her cheek with his fingertips, he favored her with a radiant smile.
"And I love you."
He had wanted to find the perfect moment to say such a thing. The time had never been just right. She took that decision away from him and while he had wanted to make a better show of the first time he made such a romantic declaration, he was also happy to express it without worrying that she'd run the other way.
Realizing that she had not experienced her own release, Jin started to move again, finding the rhythm that they had before. He leaned down to her neck and tenderly ran his lips along it. He nibbled lightly, running his fangs lightly across her skin before biting harder. Sucking the wound gently, Jin tasted her again, not much, but hopefully enough.
You've really done it now, the little voice in her head said. Mara banished it and held Jin tighter. As he began to move again she expected him to pull away from her. Instead he began the same steady, gentle rhythm he'd been forced to leave off, and she looked up at him in surprise and then closed her eyes briefly at the sensation.
Opening them again she smiled up at Jin, letting her arms loop around his neck his time. She arched against him, her body still poised on the knife-edge of release, so close to it she could see it. As Jin dropped his mouth to her neck once more she buried her hands in his thick hair and sighed softly, tilting her head to give him access. He bit as he thrust and the combined sensations of his mouth drawing against her neck while their bodies moved together was exactly what it took.
Mara's entire body shook with the force of that climax as she clamped herself onto Jin, arms, legs, and hands. As he continued to caress her neck with his tongue she buried her face against him and tried to stifle a sudden sob as wave after wave of intense climax hammered through her with shocking intensity.
The aftershock of release began to subside, leaving her shaking and weak. Tears she did not want to have to explain to Jin trailed down the sides of her face. She continued to hold on to him, legs wrapped around him. She didn't want him to move. She loved him, loved his embrace, loved his comfortable weight on top of her.
Mara let out a long shuddering sigh and pressed herself close, almost afraid to speak. She wouldn't know what to say at this point anyway except to tell Jin she loved him again. It was the foremost thought on her mind. She nuzzled past his hair into his neck and sighed again, a contented, happy noise in spite of the wetness upon her cheeks.
When the tremors subsided, he gently pulled himself out and tilted his weight over onto one hip. He could feel the tears against his neck but made no comment. He didn't need to ask. For all his earlier worry about hurting her, these tears he understood. They were cleansing and healing, not pain or fear. Holding her close, Jin stroked her back gently, kissed her hair and murmured soothing words in Chinese.
He hoped that it was true, what she had said before about him taking away some of her hurtful past memories with his actions, because he couldn't bear the thought of her in pain. Jin felt it likely that even if this didn't heal any scars then it at least showed that sex could be different when you where with someone you loved.
After a while, he smiled against her hair and said.
"Happy Valentines Day, Mara." and with a sly widening of his grin, he added. "Want to celebrate again tomorrow?"
Mara curled up against Jin, giving a dismayed little cry of protest when he did leave her even though he only shifted his weight and gathered her close. Tears subsiding she cuddled into his arms tasting a new smell, his scent mingled so closely with hers, upon her tongue and in her nose. It lifted her spirits, as did the sweet soothing Chinese words drifting into her ears. Jin's voice was wonderful. His arms were comfortable. His lips on her hair made her smile.
She heard his question and said, in a muffled voice against his chest, "Amaret. It's Amaret."
She knew his childhood name, it was only fair she give him hers. Names were important things. Personal things. After seeing her father's erased for his supposed crimes, Mara had been very careful to record it and her entire family's for safekeeping. She wanted Jin to know hers, even if he never chose to call her by it.
She turned her silvery eyes, still sparkling with tears that were rapidly fading, up to see Jin's sly grin. With wide-eyed innocence she found her humor again and said, "Do we have to wait until tomorrow?"
She wasn't sure she was actually joking.
Feeling her tilt her head back to glance up at him, Jin leaned back enough to look at her as well. He was happy to see her smile. Her return question made him smile. He rolled over onto his back, taking her with him as he went.
"You mean to be the death of me..." Jin moaned dramatically before grinning at her. "Are you kidding me? I might not let you get any sleep."
Looking up at her, he became more serious. "I am glad that you want to do it again."
"Yes," she said, responding to his mock drama, loving his spontaneous humor and enjoying his apparently very good mood. "I suppose you're at my mercy."
Jin's next words stilled her and she bent her head to kiss him lightly. "All right. maybe I'm at yours."
She shook her head at him. "I don't need sleep. I need you."
He was better than any sleep. She was sure they'd get to that point eventually, of course, but for now she was more energized than anything else. Mara watched Jin's face as it grew more serious and she kissed him again, trying to get his smile back.
"Oh yes," she confirmed. "At least one more time."
Mara had never thought she could enjoy lovemaking but there was something to be said for doing that over having sex. And there was no doubt to her that, words spoken or not, they had been making love. She dipped her head and kissed Jin one more time.
"I love your kisses," she confessed. "All of them."
The slow soft ones, those deep hungry ones, and everything in between. Mara reflected, once again, that she could happily spend the whole day kissing Jin.