Kem knew he was worrying Aishe. He was just sitting there, staring. After all these years, he'd have imagined his reaction to this news would be different. It was plenty strong, that was for sure.
He felt Aishe's hands on his and knew he should say something to her. It probably didn't matter what. It wasn't a matter of believing her either. Aishe wouldn't lie, and she would never have kept this from him unless she had been compelled to do so, which Kem could only assume was the case given the way she explained what she remembered.
But all he could do was stare. And think.
It was shocking to have a name and a face to match the anonymous murderer who had lived in his memories for so long. And that person was Amir. He never would have imagined his own Creator was here in Nachton. Alive. Had even met him, spoken to him, without telling Kem who and what he was. But why would he? More than enough time had passed for him to have done so.
You Should Know What I Know (attn: Kem)
Aishe sat in the darkened living room of the house she and Kiamhaat had shared for years now. It had taken her several days of deep thoughts and reflections to reach the point where she was sure about what had happened to her over a month ago. It had taken plenty of time, as well, to figure out exactly what to do about it.
There had never bee much question in her mind, she supposed. She would never keep this a secret from Kiamhaat unless there was a very important reason to do so. This was what he needed to know... maybe what he didn't want to know, but sometimes the two things were in direct opposition for Kem.
She watched him where he sat on the other end of the couch. The hand she had grasped in hers was as cold as ice and his face was caught in a cross between surprise and revulsion.
"Kiamhaat," Aishe said gently, "Are you all right? I couldn't keep it from you. It wouldn't have been right."
It was minutes before he managed to respond to her.
((ooc: refer to Positive ID for details.))
Kem`Raaisu
13 years ago
Aishe
13 years ago
There was minimal movement from Kem, whose response had been completely unspoken. Aishe was glad for their bond, for it let her know how her fiance was feeling without the need to describe it in words. She could feel his shock, his surprise, and his anger.
Aishe wasn't prepared for that. She knew, of course, of some of the details of Kiamhaat's first 800 years of life as a vampire. She knew he hadn't always been the kind, gentle person she loved. Over their years together he had described some of his less than shining moments to her and Aishe thought she understood.
But what she felt from him now, gradually replacing the numbness, was a dreadful chilling rage. She blinked at the strength of it. She was taken aback by the force.
"Kiamhaat?" She squeezed his hand, looking for a response. A word. Something. "I couldn't keep it from you."
That wouldn't have been right. She didn't think she could ever have held onto a secret of this magnitude. But Aishe couldn't help but wonder if she'd been wrong, if Kem might have been better off not knowing.
Aishe wasn't prepared for that. She knew, of course, of some of the details of Kiamhaat's first 800 years of life as a vampire. She knew he hadn't always been the kind, gentle person she loved. Over their years together he had described some of his less than shining moments to her and Aishe thought she understood.
But what she felt from him now, gradually replacing the numbness, was a dreadful chilling rage. She blinked at the strength of it. She was taken aback by the force.
"Kiamhaat?" She squeezed his hand, looking for a response. A word. Something. "I couldn't keep it from you."
That wouldn't have been right. She didn't think she could ever have held onto a secret of this magnitude. But Aishe couldn't help but wonder if she'd been wrong, if Kem might have been better off not knowing.
Pakpao
13 years ago
Especially during the summer it wasn't unusual for Pak to work well into the early morning, today had been no different. Her face had been glued to a computer screen for hours, so focused that she had barley moved when suddenly something changed. Just like that, completely out of no where. She didn't fully understand what she was feeling and at first it scared her. She was afraid she was lapsing into on of her moods.
Then she realized she could compartmentalize the feelings. If that were the case, they weren't hers they could only be Kem. Which scared her even more. She'd never felt or seen anything like this from her adoptive brother. There was a valiant effort to give him is privacy and stay out of his head but the feelings were such she couldn't concentrate. Whether that was because of Kem's intensity or her own worry for him Pak wasn't sure.
She stood and closed the door to her office, and paced for a bit debating the ethics of this. Concern won out over ethics. If Kem could come knocking on her door after she'd been in hiding for a week she could go knocking on his brain now.
[PÄ•e chaai? What is wrong?]
She didn't ask if everything was OK, obviously it wasn't. Pak also figured if she didn't get an answer or what she felt was an honest answer, she was going to talk to Aishe. She was quite willing to be a pain in the ass right now. Before she went into annoying little sister mode though she attempted to use their bond to send Kem a mental life line and just be there for him, alsm and collected, not letting her worry upset him. Certainly Aishe had done something similar but... well big ships sometimes needed two tug boats.
Then she realized she could compartmentalize the feelings. If that were the case, they weren't hers they could only be Kem. Which scared her even more. She'd never felt or seen anything like this from her adoptive brother. There was a valiant effort to give him is privacy and stay out of his head but the feelings were such she couldn't concentrate. Whether that was because of Kem's intensity or her own worry for him Pak wasn't sure.
She stood and closed the door to her office, and paced for a bit debating the ethics of this. Concern won out over ethics. If Kem could come knocking on her door after she'd been in hiding for a week she could go knocking on his brain now.
[PÄ•e chaai? What is wrong?]
She didn't ask if everything was OK, obviously it wasn't. Pak also figured if she didn't get an answer or what she felt was an honest answer, she was going to talk to Aishe. She was quite willing to be a pain in the ass right now. Before she went into annoying little sister mode though she attempted to use their bond to send Kem a mental life line and just be there for him, alsm and collected, not letting her worry upset him. Certainly Aishe had done something similar but... well big ships sometimes needed two tug boats.
Kem`Raaisu
13 years ago
Kem shook himself. He hadn't been there for a few seconds. He had been in Giza. Seeing things far too vividly. He hadn't been this enraged in centuries. He'd thought he had it under control.
He looked at Aishe, whose worry he could feel very clearly. It might not seem like it, he knew, but he was actually glad she had told him. It would have been worse to find out another way, from someone else. It only made him even angrier though, to know Aishe had been Commanded. That was the only way what she described could have worked.
He finally moved, turned sideways on the couch, pulled Aishe close, and held her. His actions were gentle and careful in spite of the fact that he was shaking with rage.
"I'm glad you didn't," he said finally. "It would have made it worse, finding out from anyone else."
He was quiet for a few minutes. He just sat, holding Aishe, trying to calm himself.
"I thought I was done feeling like this," he said softly. "I don't want to see him. Ever. I don't know what will happen if I do."
Just then Pakpao's voice entered his head, and it was that which finally motivated him to get a handle on his anger and rein it in. Aishe, he was used to being open with by now. He didn't worry about exposing himself to her anymore. But Pak... Pak often relied upon Kem to be the sane, calm one. So for her sake he shoved the cold rage down and answered her.
[It's all right Pak. Don't worry. I'll tell you in a bit. Just some news I wasn't expecting. Give me a little bit to let it sink in, okay?]
He breathed deeply, holding Aishe, closing his eyes.
"What should I do about this, merit?" he asked after a few moments, looking to her for advice since he didn't seem to be thinking clearly. "Now that I know. What do you think I should do?"
He looked at Aishe, whose worry he could feel very clearly. It might not seem like it, he knew, but he was actually glad she had told him. It would have been worse to find out another way, from someone else. It only made him even angrier though, to know Aishe had been Commanded. That was the only way what she described could have worked.
He finally moved, turned sideways on the couch, pulled Aishe close, and held her. His actions were gentle and careful in spite of the fact that he was shaking with rage.
"I'm glad you didn't," he said finally. "It would have made it worse, finding out from anyone else."
He was quiet for a few minutes. He just sat, holding Aishe, trying to calm himself.
"I thought I was done feeling like this," he said softly. "I don't want to see him. Ever. I don't know what will happen if I do."
Just then Pakpao's voice entered his head, and it was that which finally motivated him to get a handle on his anger and rein it in. Aishe, he was used to being open with by now. He didn't worry about exposing himself to her anymore. But Pak... Pak often relied upon Kem to be the sane, calm one. So for her sake he shoved the cold rage down and answered her.
[It's all right Pak. Don't worry. I'll tell you in a bit. Just some news I wasn't expecting. Give me a little bit to let it sink in, okay?]
He breathed deeply, holding Aishe, closing his eyes.
"What should I do about this, merit?" he asked after a few moments, looking to her for advice since he didn't seem to be thinking clearly. "Now that I know. What do you think I should do?"
Aishe
13 years ago
Aishe snuggled close to Kem, wrapped her arms around his neck, and rested her head on his shoulder. She knew his anger wasn't focused on her but she still worried about the direction it might take him in. She nodded as he spoke; she understood his anger, his upset. She had known this would affect him deeply, she just hadn't realized he was capable of such hatred. She could feel him shaking with it.
To her surprise and relief he didn't close up like he would have in the past. He breathed deeply, tried to calm himself, and then asked her what she would do. Aishe picked her head up from his shoulder, blinked, and looked at him. "You're asking me?"
She considered for a moment. "I don't know," she said honestly. "I understand your feelings for him. But I didn't get the impression from him that he had done what he did deliberately or out of malice."
She shook her head, bemused to be defending the man who had ruined Kiamhaat's life. "He didn't exactly sound horribly sorry, but he also didn't seem to have meant what happened. He said he tried to track you but he couldn't, not in the desert."
Aishe recounted Amir's words to Kem once more, summarizing the feelings she had felt behind them. "He seemed frustrated, but I didn't get the sense that he was lying. He didn't have to tell me what he did. He said he just thought you should know."
She shrugged her shoulders. "It's up to you, what you decide to do. I think you need to let it go, but I'm me."
Aishe knew that would be difficult for Kem to do. He'd had this chip on his shoulder for centuries. She wasn't sure if he was capable of letting go of it.
To her surprise and relief he didn't close up like he would have in the past. He breathed deeply, tried to calm himself, and then asked her what she would do. Aishe picked her head up from his shoulder, blinked, and looked at him. "You're asking me?"
She considered for a moment. "I don't know," she said honestly. "I understand your feelings for him. But I didn't get the impression from him that he had done what he did deliberately or out of malice."
She shook her head, bemused to be defending the man who had ruined Kiamhaat's life. "He didn't exactly sound horribly sorry, but he also didn't seem to have meant what happened. He said he tried to track you but he couldn't, not in the desert."
Aishe recounted Amir's words to Kem once more, summarizing the feelings she had felt behind them. "He seemed frustrated, but I didn't get the sense that he was lying. He didn't have to tell me what he did. He said he just thought you should know."
She shrugged her shoulders. "It's up to you, what you decide to do. I think you need to let it go, but I'm me."
Aishe knew that would be difficult for Kem to do. He'd had this chip on his shoulder for centuries. She wasn't sure if he was capable of letting go of it.
Pakpao
13 years ago
It wasn't the answer she wanted and it was disconcerting to feel him focus like that. Pak chewed at her lower lip as she thought. Ultimately she knew he had Aishe too and he might be more comfortable with her. That was fine, so long as he wasn't closing off after all he was control not a denial of what he was feeling.
Pak took a deep breath and focused on her subterfuge, pulling back from their bond, working to hide her feelings from him. It wasn't that she was hurt or sulking, she didn't want to contaminate or confuse what he was feeling. Obviously Kem needed to sort this out.
[OK, you know where to find me.]
It took her a second to make another decision and that was to nudge Aishe.
[Let me know if you need me.]
That was it just a quick reminder to her friend that she was there if needed. Having said that Pak retreated to back to her own little world. She stared at the computer for a while before realizing she wasn't going to get anything more done and went home for the evening. Mongkut would distract her, well that or ignore her as cats were apt to do.
((OOC... Pak out. She'll come back if needed but... out for now.))
Pak took a deep breath and focused on her subterfuge, pulling back from their bond, working to hide her feelings from him. It wasn't that she was hurt or sulking, she didn't want to contaminate or confuse what he was feeling. Obviously Kem needed to sort this out.
[OK, you know where to find me.]
It took her a second to make another decision and that was to nudge Aishe.
[Let me know if you need me.]
That was it just a quick reminder to her friend that she was there if needed. Having said that Pak retreated to back to her own little world. She stared at the computer for a while before realizing she wasn't going to get anything more done and went home for the evening. Mongkut would distract her, well that or ignore her as cats were apt to do.
((OOC... Pak out. She'll come back if needed but... out for now.))
Kem`Raaisu
13 years ago
[Thanks, Pak.]
It was thanks for her concern, as well as thanks for her understanding. Kem wasn't ready to discuss this with anyone but Aishe, and he was glad Pak seemed to get that. He didn't get any hurt feelings from her or anything, just a withdrawal as if she was trying to stay out of the way. In return, he did his best to further clamp down on the seething anger he felt so as not to upset either of the two women he was bonded to.
Aishe spoke and he listened, because he had come to the conclusion years ago that was was the voice of reason when it came to matters that affected him like this. it wasn't really what he wanted to hear but truth rarely often was.
He sat with her for a long while after she fell silent. The minutes ticked away. Finally he said softly, "It's not really fair, is it."
He trusted she would know what he meant.
It was thanks for her concern, as well as thanks for her understanding. Kem wasn't ready to discuss this with anyone but Aishe, and he was glad Pak seemed to get that. He didn't get any hurt feelings from her or anything, just a withdrawal as if she was trying to stay out of the way. In return, he did his best to further clamp down on the seething anger he felt so as not to upset either of the two women he was bonded to.
Aishe spoke and he listened, because he had come to the conclusion years ago that was was the voice of reason when it came to matters that affected him like this. it wasn't really what he wanted to hear but truth rarely often was.
He sat with her for a long while after she fell silent. The minutes ticked away. Finally he said softly, "It's not really fair, is it."
He trusted she would know what he meant.
Aishe
13 years ago
Aishe turned on the couch, wrapped her arms around Kiamhaat's shoulders, and looked into his pale eyes. "I know," she said softly.
She did understand what he meant. He'd carried this grudge for sixteen hundred years, and now he was discovering that it was more difficult than he thought to continue to do so. Aishe trusted her impression of Amir. She wasn't a perfect empath, of course, but she didn't think she could be so wrong as to have called it completely the wrong way.
Kiamhaat had desperately wanted to have a good reason to have some sort of payback, some kind of revenge, some reason to justify centuries and centuries of vehement anger... and she was taking it away. She stroked her hands over his shoulders, rubbing gently.
"I'm sorry," she said. "I know it would be easier if he were that person."
They knew Amir. Not well, of course, but they knew him and they had enjoyed his company. He hadn't seemed like a terrible person then. She recalled that he had been hiding things. At the time it hadn't struck her as odd; most of their kind had secrets. They were all generally very reserved upon meeting each other with few exceptions to the rule. Eiryk and Rowan, for example, were two of the only vampires Aishe had ever used her empathy on who simply had nothing to hide.
"I don't know what to tell you, Kiamhaat," she said softly. "You don't have to go find him and give him a hug. But the personal vendetta... well. Maybe it's time to let that go."
It was a delicate topic. She was asking him to let go of his wife and unborn child, so long dead but never forgotten. She understood that. "Don't you think you should let them rest, once and for all?"
She placed her hands on Kem's cheeks, framing his face as he bowed his head. "She wouldn't have wanted this for you," Aishe whispered softly, "would she. She would have wanted you to let her go."
A few years ago Kem never could have discussed this calmly with her. She felt it now, the renewed grief and sorrow as they pulled old wounds apart, but Aishe also knew this time it was different. Kem wouldn't lose himself in it. He was still here, with her, and she loved him for keeping that promise.
She did understand what he meant. He'd carried this grudge for sixteen hundred years, and now he was discovering that it was more difficult than he thought to continue to do so. Aishe trusted her impression of Amir. She wasn't a perfect empath, of course, but she didn't think she could be so wrong as to have called it completely the wrong way.
Kiamhaat had desperately wanted to have a good reason to have some sort of payback, some kind of revenge, some reason to justify centuries and centuries of vehement anger... and she was taking it away. She stroked her hands over his shoulders, rubbing gently.
"I'm sorry," she said. "I know it would be easier if he were that person."
They knew Amir. Not well, of course, but they knew him and they had enjoyed his company. He hadn't seemed like a terrible person then. She recalled that he had been hiding things. At the time it hadn't struck her as odd; most of their kind had secrets. They were all generally very reserved upon meeting each other with few exceptions to the rule. Eiryk and Rowan, for example, were two of the only vampires Aishe had ever used her empathy on who simply had nothing to hide.
"I don't know what to tell you, Kiamhaat," she said softly. "You don't have to go find him and give him a hug. But the personal vendetta... well. Maybe it's time to let that go."
It was a delicate topic. She was asking him to let go of his wife and unborn child, so long dead but never forgotten. She understood that. "Don't you think you should let them rest, once and for all?"
She placed her hands on Kem's cheeks, framing his face as he bowed his head. "She wouldn't have wanted this for you," Aishe whispered softly, "would she. She would have wanted you to let her go."
A few years ago Kem never could have discussed this calmly with her. She felt it now, the renewed grief and sorrow as they pulled old wounds apart, but Aishe also knew this time it was different. Kem wouldn't lose himself in it. He was still here, with her, and she loved him for keeping that promise.
Kem`Raaisu
13 years ago
And she did know what he meant, in typical Aishe fashion. She understood him better than he understood himself, a surprising trait in one so young. But then, that was part of why he loved her. Kem nodded his head against hers. It would be much easier to know his Creator was the evil, cold-hearted bastard he'd always envisioned, recklessly turning him and abandoning him ruthlessly to his fate.
But this, this man who looked like a harmless teenager with a friendly smile, who professed to have looked for Kiamhaat and been unable to find him... Kem sighed. He couldn't argue the point. He had run. Granted, he'd been chased by an Egyptian lynch mob with stones and arrows but yes, he had run. And he hadn't stopped for a very long time. He had, in fact, done his best to cover his trail, not difficult to do in the desert. He had set himself up for this long ago.
Aishe's further words, though, brought memories back to the surface that he had been working so hard to bury, for her, for them. He felt her cool hands on his face although he didn't look up at her. he managed to nod; yes, Sennwy never would have wanted him to live his life as he had for these long centuries.
He felt himself shaking still, in spite of Aishe's comforting gesture. He gathered her close once more, trying not to give in to rage and despair. He had promised her he wouldn't sink into those depths again and he intended to keep that promise.
He felt wetness upon his cheeks at the same time as he heard Aishe's soft, "I know" and felt her warm embrace, her small hands rubbing his back. He hadn't realized it had been that close to the surface.
Kem just let it happen; he had nothing to hide from Aishe. He sat there, curled around her, and let the grief and the anger and the hopelessness overwhelm him, knowing that she would be there to pull him back if he went too far. Later; later, he would take stock and figure out how to deal with it all. He would see if he could do as she recommended and put this behind him. He wasn't sure if he could. Hatred festered in his heart; he had let it do so, nurtured it for over a thousand years. He didn't think he could simply bid it farewell that easily.
She didn't ask him to though. She just held him, let him hold her, and offered him understanding. He couldn't have asked for more.
((ooc: both out))
But this, this man who looked like a harmless teenager with a friendly smile, who professed to have looked for Kiamhaat and been unable to find him... Kem sighed. He couldn't argue the point. He had run. Granted, he'd been chased by an Egyptian lynch mob with stones and arrows but yes, he had run. And he hadn't stopped for a very long time. He had, in fact, done his best to cover his trail, not difficult to do in the desert. He had set himself up for this long ago.
Aishe's further words, though, brought memories back to the surface that he had been working so hard to bury, for her, for them. He felt her cool hands on his face although he didn't look up at her. he managed to nod; yes, Sennwy never would have wanted him to live his life as he had for these long centuries.
He felt himself shaking still, in spite of Aishe's comforting gesture. He gathered her close once more, trying not to give in to rage and despair. He had promised her he wouldn't sink into those depths again and he intended to keep that promise.
He felt wetness upon his cheeks at the same time as he heard Aishe's soft, "I know" and felt her warm embrace, her small hands rubbing his back. He hadn't realized it had been that close to the surface.
Kem just let it happen; he had nothing to hide from Aishe. He sat there, curled around her, and let the grief and the anger and the hopelessness overwhelm him, knowing that she would be there to pull him back if he went too far. Later; later, he would take stock and figure out how to deal with it all. He would see if he could do as she recommended and put this behind him. He wasn't sure if he could. Hatred festered in his heart; he had let it do so, nurtured it for over a thousand years. He didn't think he could simply bid it farewell that easily.
She didn't ask him to though. She just held him, let him hold her, and offered him understanding. He couldn't have asked for more.
((ooc: both out))