A litte R&R (Alec)

"Heh...sometimes. He's just so formal compared to a lot of us. Figure I might as well make it a badge of honor before someone can try rubbing his face in it. You know, empowerment and all that."

Blinking a couple of times, Alec got a broad, malicious grin on his face.

"Actually, I think you're onto something there. Why not throw them into water tied up? It'd teach them to rely less on respiration AND give them a rather interesting set of circumstances in which to work n their telekinesis. Maybe not on the first go...but for an advanced lesson."

"That, sounds like fun." Ginnie's grin matched Alec's as she pictured the scenario in her mind. She wasn't a prankster by nature, but that sounded like good fun for all. She chuckled softly, shaking her head to rid it of the image and decided to finish off her wine. She set the glass on the table behind the couch and put her hand down on Alec's chest. She moved her hand until her thumb encountered the small bump of his nipple. She rand the pad over it and gave a small smile as it tightened at her touch.

She enjoyed making his body react, and it distracted her from some of the things going on in her head.

"We need to sit down with our calendars and figure out when they are coming to visit the lab and check out their weapons."

Glancing at her hand, he smiled, and let the sensation of her flesh, cool from the glass, run its traces down his body and tighten his nip. That was nice. Extending his arms up above his head, he gave her a strange little arm-hug around her legs where his head remained. 'I probably look ridiculous right now,' he thought, but mentally shrugged. She'd seen him naked except for tube socks once and there probably wasn't anything more funny looking on the planet.

"Well, a lot of this is still...up in the air. I'd like to do the lab visit before the weapons check. I'd like that to be the last thing they do before getting their assignments. You know, Welcome to Tacharan, here's your guns and munitions. Hammer it home before some of them go off to be scientists or techies or secretaries."

Stretching his arm, he just barely reached his water glass. Not wanting to move his head from its nest, he poured the water down into his open mouth, splashing a little off his teeth. Putting the glass back down, he wiped his mouth.

"Any fresh new toys? You've been working as much as I have, so there must be something nearing completion."

Lightly taking her hand from his chest, he kissed her fingertips before placing it back where it had been.

His kisses sent little shivers down her spine, but the question made Ginnie sigh. She was still being eluded by her ultimate goal. She was to the point of going for outside help, and that irritated her.

"I wish I could say yes, but I can't. You know the bullets I'm trying to create? The cauterizing ones? Well they still don't work. Well they work everywhere but in actual flesh. It's infuriating. I'm so close and yet so very far. I'm thinking of abandoning it again for a while and working on some other things I have on the drawing board."

She sighed again, and went back to runing her thumb genty over his nipple.

Frowning a bit, he sighed. That was definitely a problem he couldn't help with.

"Well, if there were something I could do, I would. Maybe Nova could help? She's a chemical superfreak, right? Maybe she'll know something in vampiric composition that could be the x-factor you're missing?"

Bringing up Nova while Ginnie was playing with his nipple made him feel a bit strange. It reminded him that he'd seen Nova's goodies and felt rather strange about it. Blushing slightly, he banished the image from his mind. Instead, he fidgeted to make himself even more comfy. Besides, it wasn't as if he'd seen them on purpose, or she'd shown them on purpose. It just happened to be a matter of necessity.

Ginnie hadn't thought of that. Though she was working on the principle of injury being the same in vamp and human, it was the healing that differed. Perhaps she was wrong. She made a mental note to talk with Nova and see if she could shed a little light in her bleak darkness. She grinned at him and noted his blush.

"Thanks, I wouldn't have thought of that." She flicked her nail across the nipple. "Want to tell me what you're blushing over?"

Well, that sure was awkward. But honesty was the best policy, right? Or was that the policy most likely to get you blown up? Well, nothing had happened, anyway. If he skirted along this one it wouldn't be a relationship foul. Smiling lopsidedly, he quipped

"Hm...just kind of weird to talk about Nova with you playing with my nip is all. Nova should be a purely lab, table or bar-related topic, I think. I mean, what would she think if she discovered that we talk about her while engaged in nipple teasing?"

Momentarily, he felt a little twinge of guilt. Deciding he'd rather not have to worry about it later, he dove into the waters of deeper honesty. Hopefully they wouldn't be too cold.

"And...you know how my mind hops about. Reminded me of the time Nova took her shirt off when we were racing a climb and I almost fell off the wall from the surprise. She's a crazy woman when it comes to competition, lemme tell ya."

There. Complete honesty. That felt a bit better. It was so...strange...having people in his life that he felt he should be honest with. And now he could focus again on the only four nipples in his life.

Ginnie's head fell back as she laughed. It was a purely Nova move and she felt nothing more than mirth for the situation.

"I'll have to remember that trick should you and I ever race."

He'd could have kept that to himself, and she was glad he'd shared. The thought sobered her. She was keeping something from him, but telling him would only assuage her guilt and hurt him. She didn't want to hurt him again. If she kept screwing up, he was bound to leave her behind. She should tell him. Sighing, she ran her hand down his body, tracing one of his scars down his belly. When she reached his waistband, she straightened back up, tracing a different scar. She liked his scars, they had moved her to pity for a while, but now she couldn't imagine him otherwise. She found him perfect the way he was and he didn't deserve her deceit.

"Alec, you know that museum thing I went to not too long ago?"

At his nod of recognition, she swallowed and moved forward. "Well I ran into someone. His name is Nic, he's an Evenhet vampire. I met him at Club Eternity one night when I was doing recon, and um I bit him. Though, in my defense I didn't know he was a vampire at the time. As soon as he showed me different, I backed off and we exchanged numbers. It was an odd way to make a contact, but I try not to look a gift horse in the mouth, you know?"

She gave a small chuckle. This was much harder than she had even imagined, and she'd imagined much difficulty.

"Well he was at the opening and we chatted a bit and shared a dance. He wanted to look at the gardens so I went with him." Her hands had continued to move while she spoke, but they both paused briefly as she got to the crux of her situation. "In the course of our walk, we touched and kissed. I felt so drawn to the willingness of him and to his genuine affection, but Alec I told him no and moved away. He called you lucky, Alec."

She looked down into his eyes, but she wasn't sure what he was thinking, and she decided she would not cry this time, not until after he left.

" I feel like I'm loosing my mind. I love you more than I have ever loved anyone in my entire life. I have everything with you, you fill me and make me whole. What could I possibly need outside of you? It's like I've lost my oars and my map, and I'm just drifting."

She stopped talking then. Alec deserved a chance to talk or leave, which ever he felt compelled to do. She wouldn't blame him if he walked away and never looked back.

Alec smiled...he'd have to remember to race Ginnie. Frequently. As she traced over his scars, he smiled. It still shocked him that she didn't care...as a side effect his confidence was increasing. He was certainly more comfortable with his body than he'd ever been...well, remembered being, and that was something.

At her mention of the Museum party, he nodded. He'd been on assignment that night...lifting a certain unnamed valuable from a certain person who was attending the opening as well. Unfortunate that work and pleasure had clashed, but it was the best window of opportunity for the heist, and it was a good payoff. The theft hadn't been reported yet, either. The replica was worth what he'd paid for.

Then he tightened up. Her with the feeding on vampires again. Alarm bells began sounding in his head, but he assumed it was jealousy at first. As she finished her story, he paused, and considered. The first time was an accident, the second time the man left without the prize. Alec considered. And considered. He sat there, unmoving, a slight look of concern on his face, unblinking. Then he suddenly smiled.

"I am lucky. He is right on that count."

Sitting up, he knelt on the floor in front of her, facing her fully.

"I am lucky. I have a beautiful, loving, compassionate woman who wants to be committed to me. The first was an accident, the second a test that you passed."

Running a hand through her hair, he frowned slightly.

"But I am worried about you. You're...getting on in years. And have had a lot more vampiric blood recently than you've been used to. So I am wondering which of the thirsts is causing the trouble. The sexual awakening, or the blood thirst? That's my worry for you. My worry for me is if the pattern that may be forming is a pattern or not. If it is..."

Alec closed his eyes, and turned his head slightly. He left the threat unsaid...it was unnecessary He'd either be enough for her, or he wouldn't. No matter how much he loved her, no matter how much he needed her...he wasn't the sharing type.

"I'm not sure how to help you with this. Obviously, some of it is my fault. But I won't apologize for it. I love you and won't regret breaking you from your shell. But I don't know how to help you with this. I'm too new to the world."

He was staying. He didn't hate her. He loved her enough to be worried about her and not what she had done. Wait. A test? Yes it had certainly been trying, but she'd come out the other side damaged.

Because she could think of nothing to say, she leaned forward and kissed Alec gently. She loved him and it was tearing her apart that she insisted on doing these stupid things. Maybe he was right, she didn't generally feed from her own kind, and she'd shared blood with him, that Merc and now Nic. She needed to lay off the stuff if she was ever going to get herself together. That and she needed to remember that she was her own person and didn't need the validation of a man's affections.

'Oh who am I kidding?' She sighed softly and pulled her lips from Alec's. This whole thing was like one big nightmare and with any luck she would wake up and it would be the afternoon before the opening and she could start all over again.

"Alec, I don't want there to be a pattern. I hate patterns. It makes me feel like a serial killer to have a pattern. I don't like that I can't just push a button and fix this. I need to find a solution. I know that I can't do this alone."

She put her hands gently on his cheeks, her eyes shiny with unshed tears. Swallowing against the lump stuck in her throat, she spoke, her voice little more than a whisper, as she didn't trust it further than that. "Will you help me find a solution? I don't want you to fix me. I just need you to be there to work through this. I can be me again. I can over come this insanity, but I need you to be there. Can you do that for me? Even after all I have done to you?"

Alec was pretty sure it was Hemingway who said that women were by far the most confusing, deadly and unpredictable of predators. And he was talking about human women. Add a factor to that, and you'd hit vampire women. Startled for a moment, Alec wondered if that meant he'd meet his end at his own hand as well. Then he realized he was thinking again, and this was a thing that needed to be felt through.

Examining his feelings, he was...mostly worried. Confused. Angry with himself. Wait. Himself? Now that was interesting. Pondering as she spoke, he realized he was angry at his lack of experience, his lack of wisdom, his lack of memory. He felt like he should know the answer, but it just wasn't there anymore. Realizing he should focus on his own shit later, he considered a reply.

"I'm not sure what I can do other than sit by you and look pretty. I'm effectively five. I might have had an answer once upon a time, but now we've got to make a new one up. But I'm told I'm somewhat clever, and I know you're brilliant, so we should be able to figure something out.

But...don't look back. Where and when we are is all we can affect. No sense in looking back that way. Every decision affects who we are and who we become, but it can only change by the decisions you're making now."

Thanks daytime cable.

"I'm here. I just don't know if that's enough. I...I feel like I'm supposed to know how to fix this...but it is just, I don't know...gone."

Frowning, Alec wondered if that was how that Gandalf guy felt when sitting at the moon door with all the midgets and Viggo. Like he'd forgotten more than some people ever learned. Well, it fucking sucked. Absent mindedly he wondered if he'd been a big pot head before the change and that was why he couldn't remember anything, either. He'd have to warn Carol.

"We'll figure something out. Well, you will and I'll be supportive and stuff. Maybe I'll even figure out a bit of it."

Suddenly folding his legs under him, he flopped down on his rear, sitting cross legged in front of her.

"But I don't think it qualifies as madness. That's a good starting point."

Relief pushed her fear away. She was going to make it through and Alec wasn't going to leave. He would hold her hand and help her find herself. 'Find myself? What the hell? I sound like one of those damned hippies." She chuckled at herself, and slid of the couch into Alec's lap. She needed to feel him, reassure herself that he was for real.

"Thank you, Alec. I've never had to question myself before and I feel so lost at how to do this. I know what I want, but these weird emotions keep getting in the way, and I just don't know how to get past them toward my goal. Eyes in the prize is really hard when other offers are put on the table to tempt you."

She wondered wildly if marrying Alec would solve this or make it worse. 'Oh, God, I don't think I could marry someone again.' That was being completely untruthful to herself and she sighed. She could have that with someone else, hell she practically did. It's not like they could get a piece of paper anyway, and she doubted the Clan had anything like a marriage certificate. She didn't need one, but it might be nice to say the words to Alec and know that they truly meant the word forever. She'd have to ask him when things were better.

Right now she just wanted to hold his body against her's. With that decided she pressed her lips to his, as her hands moved up into his hair. Her body responded instantly to this touching and she needed him, almost desperately. She needed to feel his skin against her own, his hands upon her and the very essence of him with in her.

Wow. Maybe he could help, after all.

"Well...maybe there is something. Heh. Kind...of a weird idea...but...hey, my idea, so no surprise. Look at it like...like we'd look at a theft. You've busted into the world and found me. There's plenty of other shine, but if I'm the prize you're after, the rest is just graft. It'll slow you down, reduce mobility...make it more likely to have a bad outcome. Get caught by spreading the loot out to too many fences, providing a triangulation. If you want to steal me from the world, you've got to see your way through the system, the traps, the patterns and make it work for you."

With her pressing hungrily against him, he breathed her in deeply. He loved the way her long fingers twined through his hair. The pressure of her body against his, leaning his back, the invitation of what was to come, the clear perkiness under her crying kitten t-shirt...he wanted all of it. But wondered if it would really help right now. And the sad kitty with the saying "Stupidity Makes Kittens Cry" was looking at him accusingly. It was imploring him to learn from it.

"Are you sure this is what you need now, ma coeur?"

He knew what his answer would be, but he was supposed to be protecting her emotional well being. Hoping this was an ok guess, he waited, holding her close.

His question surprised her. She wasn't sure of anything right now. She wanted him, needed to feel him, needed to know that he still wanted her even after everything. She tried to find a way to tell him that with out making herself sound crazier.

"I...I...need to be loved Alec. I need more than words."

That had come out wrong. She hung her head and waited for him, as she had no other choice now.

More confused than ever, Alec cocked his head, unconsciously matching the angle of the kitten. He wasn't sure what she was even getting at, there. Did she think he didn't love her? After all of that? And...he was supposed to keep his mouth shut.

He was so watching Oprah tomorrow.

Wiping the confusion from his face, he stared at her blankly. Holding up his index finger, he cocked his head slightly. Nimbly slipping from under her weight, he quickly left the room, and turned on the sink, dropping an object in it with a thump. Stripping off the damn leathers that were still tangled around him, he left them in the corner. Sticking the warmed object into the waistband of his boxers, he remembered to pull off his socks. Walking back into the main room, he reached up onto the wall and pulled the painting he'd commissioned of her and handed it to her.

He thought that'd be more than enough proof, but he wasn't supposed to say. She could look for herself. It wasn't how he saw her, but it was how an artist imagined he saw her. Nothing could describe the truth that his eyes could see, but the artist had captured a sliver of it, and she'd known it too. Now she could look again and remember. Staring at her, unblinking, he wondered what the response would be.

Anyone that walked near their life could see it. Could she not, anymore?

Fat, hot tears slid down her cheeks as he walked away from her. She'd screwed up again. As she swiped violently at the tears, he returned to the room, mostly naked, and put the portrait in her hands. She stared down at herself for a long moment, confused. Finally she looked up at him, her words stopped by a small sob. She swallowed and tried again.

"I don't understand. Why are you showing me this?"

She sniffed gently and scrubbed at the tears with the back of her hand to keep them from splattering on the painting and ruining it.

She looked back down at the canvas. It was the most breathtaking thing she had ever seen, and it still had that effect on her. Alec had thought enough of her to give her image over to another's hands and it had turned out amazingly. She had never felt more loved and cherish, than she had the moment she'd opened that painting. She felt it every time she looked at it hanging on their wall. It struck her then what he was trying to tell her. She put the painting on the couch and slowly stood.

He loved her, period, there should never be a doubt in her mind about that. She shouldn't need words or sex, or anything else but that knowledge and that had been her undoing. She felt that it was necessary to have the tangible things, and he, this infant of a vampire, knew better than her. That knowledge should keep her out of trouble and temper her response to the temptations of the world. She would make sure that it did. Now she needed to tell him she understood.

"You love me. I should never doubt that, Alec. I thought what I needed was sex to validate what you had said, and I don't. All I need is the knowledge of your love." She had forced back tears as she spoke, but now that she was done, they tore from her body in sobs. She really needed to get it together, or this was never going to get solved.

Smiling, he nodded once, and wrapped her in his arms, letting her cast out all of her negativity. Sometimes a child can see the truth more clearly than someone more worldly...they don't see the hidden, but only the obvious. Alec knew what he knew. With any luck, he wouldn't add any layers over his emotions...but that was, of course, a fool's dream, and an unconscious desire. The process had already started - the natural predatory instincts of his heritage had unconsciously dulled his perception, distancing him slightly from his lover's pain. For protection. For survival. The predator in his subconscious saw too much evidence to let the fool blunder on. It feared Alec becoming Simon to Ginnie's Ellis. The fear was deeply, deeply seeded. So it intervened. Subtly. Unseen.

A clean, thoughtful gesture undermined by the blood of his kind.

Oblivious, Alec's conscious mind plodded ahead, wondering at the outburst. He'd done what she asked, but seemed worse than before. Frowning into her hair as he held her, he nodded again.

Sliding her shirt up, he tossed it aside, making sure the thing landed kitten-down. Maybe the shirt was cursed with sadness or some nonsense. Wiping her tears gently away with his thumb, he kissed her lightly on the forehead. Guiding her to the couch, he laid her on her belly and sat on her bum. Taking the bottle of massage oil from the waist of his boxers, he poured some on his hands and set to working the tension from her neck. Silently, without blinking, he followed through with his plan.

And his subconscious retreated for the time being, knowing it was defeated by the potency of his emotion.

For now.

He held her until her sobs subsided and she could do no more than sniffle. With out words, he gave her exactly what she needed, even though she had no idea she had needed it. He pulled away from her and removed her shirt. She was sure now that this was not what she needed and started to shy away.

With a surety she did not know he possessed, he led her to the couch and layed her down. She followed his direction and wondered at his lack of words. They seemed needed here and yet he gave her none. His weight on her backside was confusing until she felt the warm oil sliding under his hands. She sighed softly and gave herself over to his ministrations, as silent tears of relief and joy poured from her eyes, until she had nothing left.

Having the satisfaction of a job well done, Alec smiled. He'd successfully stolen her tears. Now he just had to figure out a fence worthy of the grief. Wouldn't that be something if it were possible?

Laying down lightly on her oiled back, he held her quietly for awhile, until her breathing was slow and normal.

"Better?"

He thought he should keep conversation minimal for the time being. With the level of ambient emotion in the air it could be easy to misinterpret the spoken word. In that sense, Ginnie's request had been very sensible. Maybe sometime he'd ask what had prompted it, but probably not. He didn't feel like looking into her dark places just now. Twining his oily fingers in hers, he matched her breathing and waited for her response.

She nodded. It wasn't much of a gesture since he had her effectively pinned. She felt relaxed and sane again. She was satisfied with her place for the moment and he felt good against her body. The only thing that would make this better would be the lack of blue jeans. She smiled at her silly thought and pressed up against him

"Thank you."


She didn't know what else to say, and figured it might be best not to do much talking at all. Everything she'd said the last couple of hours came out wrong and she didn't think she had any tears left to cry that night. Her eyes began to feel heavy as Alec's heat soaked into her.

She let them drift close as the emotional exhaustion washed over her. Her breathing slowed, and a small smile played at her lips. She didn't want to fall to sleep, but if she was going to there were worse ways than to have your lover laying on top of you covered in massage oil.