Full Disclosure (Private: Jin)

Jin gathered Mara into his arms and held her close. He couldn't say that he disagreed with her; he thought Amir was doing something dangerous as well.

"All I can say is that he's a smart man. He's survived doing very dangerous things before so all we can do is hope that he'll be okay. He knows what he's doing and I'm sure he knows the risks. Certainly he wouldn't have told us a month if he didn't expect to be back then."

Unless he was saying goodbye without having to admit it. That wasn't very comforting though and certainly Mara was worried about that herself.

Jin looked down at Mara and nodded. Of course she loved him, he was her Creator and she had reason to be worried about him. However, something about her saying it seemed different. Perhaps it was a combination of things he had noticed from both Amir and Mara but he wondered if there was something there, less having to do with him being her Creator and more about Amir the person.

"What do you mean, Mara? Of course you love him. He's your Creator."

Mara let herself cry, feeling overwhelming guilt for experiencing the feelings she did. She tightened her arms around Jin's waist. What if he was angry with her? Hated her? Pushed her away? Maybe she should lie. She'd kept it hidden for so long, she could go on that way.

"He needs us to find him in a month," she said dully. "He won't be back. He's doing something reckless and he will need to be dug out. I know him."

She clung to Jin desperately. He echoed her words back to her. Curious, though, he asked her to clarify. She should lie. She didn't want to say anything that would hurt him, but how could she hide anything from him? He gave her everything that he was. Mara could do no less.

"I love him," she repeated, pulling away from Jin some. "I... have loved him since he turned me. Until I met you, he was the only man I ever cared for."

She made it clear that she used the word 'man' in the proper sense. "It wasn't right for us though. I never told him. I was too afraid. He was too... Amir. He could never have fixed what was broken inside. He could never have been you."

How could she explain to Jin that she saw things to love in both of them? Mara looked away, fresh tears coursing down her cheeks. She wanted to be able to show Jin how she felt but it was impossible. She had to explain.

"Please don't be angry with me Jin. I love you. More than I knew I could love someone. But I love Amir too. He brought me out of my hell and set me free."

She couldn't meet Jin's eyes. She didn't want to look at him and see hurt, or anger. Her body shook but it was her own fault. She just looked away, waiting for recrimination, a blow to fall, verbal, emotional, however it came.

"Then we'll find him in a month. You can find him. I promise, we'll give him the month he requested and then we'll both go looking for him." The very hour it struck midnight. He hoped they would find Amir alive when they got to the end of the trail.

She answered his question and his heart sank. Jin reached back for the support of the counter as his knees threatened to crumble on him. Mara loved Amir. She made it clear what she meant by that love. It wasn't as her Creator. It was for being Amir. Why wouldn't she? He was almost larger than life. Jin was just as certain that Amir felt the same way, unspoken but true. All the glances, some of his words. It all was suddenly very clear.

It must have hurt Amir terribly to ask Jin to love Mara. That thought struck him hard while he was already reeling from her words. He gripped the marble behind him and closed his eyes. It took a great amount of devotion to sacrifice your heart's desire for the sake of someone else. Was he that strong? Could he let her go if she wanted to be with Amir instead of him?

Jin opened his eyes and looked down at Mara and saw her trembling. He knew then the answer to his question. He loved her too much to see her unhappy, even if she broke his heart. Wrapping his arms around her again. Jin sighed heavily and took a deep breath.

"Do you want to go to him then, Mara? Be with him?" Jin tilted his head to look at her. Faltering a little, he made himself finish what he needed to say. "I.. will stay out of the way if that is what you truly want." It must be. Why else would she mention it? How could he compete with a man she had loved for over a thousand years?

Jin reached back behind him to hold onto the counter and Mara keenly felt he loss of his arms around her. She studiously continued to avoid his face. How could what she had said not hurt him? It was cruel of her but at the same time it was the truth and she didn't want secrets from Jin.

And then he put his arms around her again... and offered to leave. He didn't tell her... he offered. Mara looked up at him in surprise, half in hope. She pressed her unsteady palms against his chest, spreading them open and smoothing them up to his shoulders.

"Jin," she didn't have to think. It wasn't a question. Mara shook her head. "No."

Her brow furrowed. "I love you. My heart is not divided. Amir made me who I am and I think I must love him for everything he is. But he isn't you, and he could never replace you. No one could."

She did not know how to explain what she felt but she had to try. If Jin was willing to listen to her she could do no less than her best.

"What I truly want is for you to know how I feel," she said. "I don't want to lie to you. Amir has always been my friend and my teacher. He's never been to me what you are."

She thought about it some. "Loving Amir is like loving the sun. It keeps things alive. We need it but we can't hold it close or it burns. It consumes the sky and we have to live by it."

She tilted her head back a little bit as she watched Jin with pale eyes. "But you, you're the moon, and every constellation, and the whole night sky beyond them." Mara rested her forehead against Jin's, encouraged by the fact that he hadn't pushed her away. "You're everything Amir is not, Jin. And it's a lot. I know it's wrong to love two people. But I do, and I wanted you to know it."

Her hand fell to the phoenix necklace that had hung around her neck every night without fail since Jin had given it to her. "I don't ever want to leave you, if you want me here. But I should have told Amir how I felt when I had the chance, and I'm afraid I missed that."

She made up her mind there. Or maybe she'd made it up a while ago and was only acknowledging it now. Mara would choose Jin if a choice had to be made. She loved him. She needed him. And she knew that as long as Amir was able he would be there for her if she needed him, too. "Everything I went through when I was young, Jin, as an human and a vampire. All the hurt, all the humiliation. I would do it all again if it meant being here with you."

She did love him that much. If it hadn't been for her past, she would never have met Jin at all. She would repeat any of it as often as necessary to be with him. She reached up and ran her hand through his hair, tentatively, afraid he would pull away. She didn't know what she would do if, in turning from Amir like this, she lost Jin as well.

Jin listened to her words taking great relief that the first one after his name was no. She didn't want him to give her up. The rest he would ponder more carefully but that was the thing that he had desperately wanted to know.

He remained silent letting her speak, listening to her explain what Amir meant to her. It was still hurtful but not unexpected. Jin wished he could have been there for her all those years. Every time her past came up he wished he could have been there to change or to help her through it. He hadn't been but Amir had. Jin found himself grateful to the Arab for caring for Mara and being there when she needed him. It meant more that she had not been alone than it did that he had not been the one she turned to. It was still hard to hear.

Sighing, Jin kissed her cheek gently. "Love is love, Mara. Mankind seeks to put rules on it but it just is. For caring for you the way he has, I love Amir too. I do not want you to stop loving him and I am glad you felt you could tell me this. " Now that she was not going to leave him he could sort out what to do. The strength of history between them scared him and he worried that he might still lose her. However, clutching her tightly to him in a fit of immature jealousy would be the surest way to see that happen.

"Let's find him again. He should know how you feel before he leaves." Jin smiled faintly. "Perhaps it will give him further incentive to come back."

He was not sure he wanted to share Mara's affection with Amir but Jin felt that the Huntsman should know, especially before he went out and did something dangerous and probably stupid.

"Please will you tell me about your past, Amaret?" Jin thought it was time he should know. She was upset and he would like to spare her the pain of retelling this obviously difficult past but there was probably no good time for such a tale. "We can try to find Amir first, before he leaves." If he hasn't left already.

Mara looked down, still having trouble meeting Jin's eyes, seeing the hurt in them. She hadn't wanted to do that. She never wanted that.

"Maybe I shouldn't have said," she said softly. "It doesn't change how I feel about you and all it does is hurt you. I'm sorry for that. I thought truth would be best but I could have spared you the knowledge and it might have been kinder."

She had told him someone else might be better for him than her. Still, Mara rested her head against Jin's shoulder. She knew for a certainty she loved him. She had never been more sure of anything. She slid her arms around his waist once more and tried not to sigh at the little kiss on the cheek when she desperately wanted to feel his mouth on hers, telling her everything was all right.

Mara shook her head at Jin's suggestion that they find Amir. "I can't tell him. Not now. He knows though. I think he always has."

She was faced with a choice. Go find Amir or tell Jin about her previous life. Well, she didn't mind either option she supposed but she didn't want to make awkward confessions of love to Amir in front of Jin while Subira was in her Creator's head. So the choice was fairly simple.

"He said he wouldn't leave yet," Mara said, although she suspected her Creator was already gone.

She looked around. "Not here."

Taking Jin by the hand Mara headed along the now-familiar path toward his apartment next to Elder Mai's. They entered the dimly-lit area and Mara went right to the bedroom. It was her favorite place, perhaps because of the physical things that happened here, but Mara suspected more because it was cozy and intimate and just them.

"It's not a pretty story Jin." Mara's eyes bore none of the shadows they used to. She was used to her past. Telling Jin about it didn't bother her, necessarily, but she did worry about his reaction. How much strain could the love between them take? She was terrified of losing him. But in for a nickel, in for a dime. She had no right to deny him knowledge even if she really wanted to.

Mara waited until Jin settled himself and then curled up in whatever position she could so she could look at him and hold him and be held at the same time.

"I have to warn you, there are no oranges involved," she sad a little sadly. "Definitely not much sunlight."

She considered what to say and what to leave out. It was a story that would take a long time to tell.

"Mara, the truth might hurt some but so long as you love me then I'll be all right. Suspecting it later if you had not said anything would have hurt more. I would wonder if you wished he were me."

He might still wonder that but not so much when she kept telling him otherwise. It was much better for him to hear her confess that she loved Amir and him both than to see them together and have wondered if she wished to be elsewhere.

Jin sighed but refrained from comment. Silently apologizing to Amir for not pushing a little harder that she go to him before he left. It would have meant a lot to him to hear it, whether Amir knew already or not. Those words when spoken truthfully were powerful magic. Still,he suspected the man was probably already gone anyway, and Jin was still reluctant to let her go.

Once he had curled up in his bed, he reached his arms out to Mara as he always did, wrapping them around her and holding her close. He nodded his understanding about her story, having guessed some time ago that her past was not filled with many good memories.

"We will make up for it with a whole grove of oranges and centuries of moonlight, Xiao mao."

"I will always love you Jin, if you want it. Probably even if you don't," Mara said fervently. "I could no longer stop loving you than I could stop loving him. And I never want you to be anyone but who you are. I don't know how else to show you but to ask that you give me time. Time to prove that my feelings for you will always be this strong."

Mara could be certain of that. She didn't love lightly. The only two men she loved at all, she had known for sixteen hundred years, and that emotion hadn't dimmed at all. She had no reason to think she would ever love Jin any less than she did now.

As they curled up together Mara did relent and kiss him, hoping the gesture wasn't unwanted, but she felt too strongly for Jin to be content with a brush on the cheek. So she spent a few minutes trying to show him exactly how she felt about him that way. She would spend as long as it took to make Jin realize he was special to her, just as special as Amir, different in his way as her Creator was and equally treasured.

The idea of an orange grove, a moonlit one at that, made her beam. "That is a beautiful visual."

She thought about where to begin for a few minutes. "Much of the beginning of this story is Amir's to tell," Mara said. "I was very young. He has history with my father and I don't know every single detail."

She considered how best to condense. "I was born into a family of minor nobility in Egypt. I loved my parents. My memories are pleasant ones." She smiled at Jin. "My father had hair like yours and eyes like mine. He played with us often, my brother and I. He would dance with me and lift me up; he was very tall."

Rolling her eyes upward in thought she said, "My aunt married a man who was just the opposite. He beat her often but she wouldn't leave him. My father tried to convince her to leave but she wouldn't. She always went back. My father went with her once when her husband was drunk. He attacked her and my father stepped in. Over the course of the fight my aunt's husband was killed. My father took the blame for it, although I don't think he did it."

Mara actually knew for a fact that her father hadn't wielded the knife that killed her uncle. But it was irrelevant. "My father was taken away, pronounced guilty, and sentenced to death. They gave him to Amir. The jackal." She tilted her head with a wry smile. "It was a game of his when he was younger. Go to Egypt. They love jackals there. Demand to be fed. If my family hadn't been a victim of his game I'd probably have found it amusing."

She lifted her shoulders, cuddling against Jin. "Amir turned him. And before he had a chance to explain anything to my father they were separated, my father returned to us just before dawn."

Mara explained to Jin what she had seen from her window that morning; her father lying at the entry to their home; her mother rushing out to embrace him. What must have been her father's first feeding, his first urge to drink unleashed upon Mara's mother. She described to Jin the look on her father's face when he realized what he'd done. The discovery by their servants and his subsequent lynching.

"Just like that my mother and father were gone. I was only four. I went to live with my aunt, and from there things only got worse."

Jin listened to Mara's story, smiling at the thought of her loving parents and the wonderful domestic picture she painted. That expression quickly faded; the rest of the story was anything but ideal. He wondered who had killed her aunt's husband if her father had not done it. Her aunt or someone else?

It was not hard to picture Amir playing such a game with humans. It was not his own type of game but having made appearances to give advice to leaders in china as a white tiger there was not much room to judge.

"Why were they separated?" Did the priests come in and take the newly made vampire away? How did they manage to keep Amir from him? He had a hard time imagining some religious followers getting in the way of something the Huntsman needed to do.

He held her tighter as she talked about her father being lynched. It wouldn't have killed him but it would have been painful and after what had happened with her mother, Jin doubted the newly made vampire would have gone back to his family. She must have thought him dead.

Jin wondered where her father was now? Was he still alive? He remained quiet so that Mara could continue speaking. He could save most of his questions until the end since this story was obviously not one she liked telling and with good reason.

Mara did not mind telling Jin her story. It was so long in the past it no longer hurt like a raw wound. The scars were old. They ached but they didn't sear. She also didn't mind his interruption; she knew he was listening intently and must have many questions. One such from a curious Nightsman was restraint indeed.

"It was very close to dawn," Mara said. "Amir followed when the priests took my father away but he stopped short of the temple entrance and missed them. He was still young and a little uncertain of his limitations in the sun. He followed after dark but by then my father was gone, and tracks in the desert are very difficult to follow, as you must know."

She sighed. "My aunt and brother and I were left alone. I tried to tell them what I had seen. No one would listen to me. What did a baby know about these things?"

That part Mara was a little bitter about. She hadn't enjoyed being the family baby. No one had trusted her word. "On top of that since my father was so unusual to look at people had thought he was god-touched. When all of that happened they generally decided he was evil, and I was too because of my eyes."

She shrugged. The past was the past. "We had trouble making ends meet. My brother did his best but he was very young. My aunt tried too but she was," Mara paused. She had loved her aunt. "She didn't have the strength of character it took for a woman alone to survive in Giza."

She cuddled into Jin's arms, nestling into his hold and wondering if her story would help their situation any. She wanted him to keep loving her. She hated having hurt him.

"My aunt married again when I was ten, to a man from a family of far less stature. They were the only ones who would take us. Pretty soon after they married, it became obvious that they weren't the family my mother and father were. They just wanted the status. Some children."

Mara felt her face growing red. This part, she had wanted to avoid. She didn't like admitting it to Jin. "It didn't matter who they got them on. When my aunt was worn out they turned to me. I had my first child when I was eleven. It was amazing I carried her to term. They didn't stop beating me just because I was pregnant."

She turned her face upward, staring at the ceiling so she wouldn't have to look Jin in the eyes. "They took my baby away. They didn't want a girl. I never saw her again."

Let Jin draw his own conclusions; he knew what happened to unwanted female children. Mara didn't want to say it.

"We lived there for seven years. The only other option for us was prostitution and at least where we were, we had a roof and some food. I had three more children but it felt like I was always pregnant. I lost a lot of them."

Mara had always regretted never having the chance to be a mother, a real mother. If she could have changed anything it would have been that. She still remembered the feel of holding a baby to her breast.

She still couldn't look at Jin. She didn't want to see disgust or revulsion there. Seven years was a long time to be raped, beaten, and abused. Somewhat shorter now that her life spanned sixteen centuries but for a human girl, it had been endless.

"I think things came to a head when they convinced my brother to join in the fun," Mara said softly. "When that happened my aunt couldn't take it anymore. She took poison. I don't know what she must have had to do to get it but I imagine she didn't care by then. My brother came to his senses after that. He took me away to the temple Amir was at. I couldn't join the priestesses since I was pregnant. Instead they gave me to Amir."

Jin nodded understanding how Amir could have lost his newly made child. Yes, the desert did make tracking someone rather difficult, unless you had that ability, which must come in handy for such things. Obviously Mara's ability was not one her Creator shared.

He listened, horrified at what had happened after her parents died. Jin found himself displeased with this aunt despite Mara seeming to forgive her for her weakness of character. Jin held her close, kissing her cheek, tears blurring his vision as he listened to her calmly tell of these terrible things in her past. She had her child at eleven and didn't get to keep it. How terrible! That they would have beaten her at all made him furious, that they did so while she was carrying the children they forced on her was beyond understanding. Though he was not a violent man, he was both relieved and disappointed that this family was long dead.

Jin gently stroked her hair as he continued to listen. Her own brother was a monster as well. There were definitely no oranges in this story.

When she explained how she came to be at the temple with Amir, Jin was shocked. Amir turned her while she was pregnant? He must have known if they priests had known, that meant she was showing, Perhaps they had beaten her? Maybe she would not have lived otherwise. Jin admitted to himself that Mara had no reason to feel any loyalty to the child she carried, and given her options, Amir's turning would have seemed like the only choice. The little unborn soul was probably in a better place for not having been part of that terrible family.

"I see." Was all he said to that, letting his questions go. Instead he pulled Mara back enough to cup her face in his hands and kiss her deeply. He looked into her pearl coloured eyes. " The things you've endured. I wouldn't wish on anyone, anyone at all. You amaze me more and more. That you are so strong, so kind and full of life after all of this..." Jin sighed and shook his head. "I do not think I would be so strong as you." Wrapping his arms around her once more, he held her close, snugly against him as if that might protect her from any future harm.

Jin realized that while Mara's strength of character was certainly her own, a great deal of credit was due Amir. The Arab nurtured and protected Mara, helping her grow beyond her terrible human past. It was no wonder she loved him. She had every reason to. Certainly he could understand Amir's love for her.

Mara wasn't sure what to think when Jin only said two words. Maybe she should go. Hadn't she injured him enough for one night? But then he touched her cheek and turned her head so she had to meet his eyes. She looked at him and saw no anger or hatred. And then he kissed her and it was so sweet she could have cried. She returned it with all she had to give and then listened, quiet and unblinking, to Jin's further words.

"You're not... angry with me?" She asked when he fell silent again. "I should have told you before. From the beginning. Only I thought you might... that anything we did would be..." She couldn't complete the sentence so she shifted topics. "I'm not strong, Jin. Those scars lasted centuries. And I had thought they were healed, or at the very least that I could ignore them, until I met you."

She smiled tentatively up at him. "I might love Amir Jin, but I would do anything in my past as many times as I had to if someone told me that along the way you would be there."

His arms were around her, strong, tight, and comforting. She wrapped her own around him as well, stroking his long soft hair and breathing in his scent. "I love you so much. Part of me wishes I could have met you then."

She felt her face grow red. "Then we could have had a family. A baby who would have been loved."

Mara was embarrassed to admit that to Jin, that she had wondered what it would have been like, meeting him as a human, having a human family.

"This way though, maybe I won't ever have to say goodbye. Unless you want to." That option hurt to consider but Jin had lived a very long time and clearly he had not met someone with whom he'd stayed. She didn't flatter herself that she could be that one, if there was such a one, but she could daydream. And she would stay as long as he let her, for Mara did not let go easily.

"Angry with you?" Jin frowned and looked concerned. "Why would I be angry with you? None of this was your fault." He listened as she said that she should have explained and shook his head. "No, you didn't and don't owe me your past. I am honored that you shared it with me but I'd never claim it as a right to know." Jin hugged her close, kissed her softly and murmured next to her ear. "And now? I only hope the present is better with me in it."

It pained him to hear her say that she'd suffer to be with him but he knew what she meant. Jin only hoped that he could make the next thousand years far more bright and wondrous for her than the last had been. "You shouldn't have to suffer at all and I will do my very best to make sure you never have to again." The attack in the alley sprang once more to his mind; he knew they both occasionally lived dangerous lives but he wanted to protect her. He vowed to himself that he would, at all costs.

Jin felt the tears spill over his cheeks as she talked about knowing him then, having a life and children together in the past. "Don't forget absolutely beautiful. If we had a daughter I'd probably never have a good night's sleep again, but with you not sleeping would definitely be worth it."

Her words about saying goodbye seemed to him almost a question, as if she were still unsure about his commitment to be with her for as long as she'd have him. Squeezing her tight, Jin brushed the little necklace with his fingertips. The phoenix, warmed by the heat of her body, felt almost alive. "I don't ever want to, Amaret."

At Jin's words regarding Mara's present she slid her arms all the way around him, kissed him back, and returned his hug fiercely, burrowing her head against his shoulder for a few moments. "The present is just about perfect," she said, thinking it could only be better if she knew Amir was safe and nearby.

She shook her head at Jin. "Don't," she said softly. "Don't take on that burden, Jin. There's never any guarantee for any of us. I want to do the same for you but I know in our lives there will be pain and suffering no matter what. If I can't keep you from feeling it, I will do my best to share it. And maybe if I can do that, yours will be halved."

She had known her story might upset Jin although she hadn't suspected it would effect him quite this way, quite so strongly, and she adored him all the more for his compassion. Mara nuzzled her nose against Jin's cheek and softly kissed away a tear even though one of her own slipped free and mingled with his in their closeness as she turned her head to him. "Oh well," she said with a little smile. "It is enough to have you here and now. 'What if' is fine on a rainy day but I prefer my own reality to any other that might not have you in it. Still... it's a wonderful dream."

Mara ran her hands up and down Jin's back. It was a testament to his feelings and his own strength of character that he saw beyond the person Amir had turned so long ago. Mara had struggled for years to forget her past or at least move beyond it. It had taken a long time for her to get past the stigma she attached to herself, not to mention that which she assumed others might associate with her. She knew many people misunderstood how a woman from an abusive family could learn to blame herself for her perceived wrongdoings. Having lived on that side of the tracks for however short a percentage of her life it was now, Mara still remembered well how easy it was to make yourself think it was your own fault, that you should do better, be better, not provoke the person doing the abusing.

Jin took her for who she was now though, and she adored him for it. Just like that he simply accepted her past and moved beyond it. He didn't even mind her silly daydream, the one she admitted she kept close inside to pull out and snuggle when she was alone.

Her breath caught as he touched the necklace she nearly always wore now. His words made her smile. "Then don't, Jing," she sighed softly, wistfully. "I don't know who touched your heart in the past or how you came to be free to love me here and now but I would move mountains to make sure it stays that way."

Mara was curious, of course, to know about Jin's past as well. She didn't question how he attracted Mai's attention; it was plain to her that Jin was special as it had obviously been plain to Mai as well. She did wonder, though, how Jin had lived for the past several thousand years. Where he'd been. What he'd done. Mara had had Amir, always. Who had Jin had? Surely he'd loved too, and surely some of those he loved were still with them. She wouldn't ask him outright though. It seemed surreal enough that he could pledge himself to her for an indefinite length of time; moreso that she could return the sentiment and mean it with all of her soul.

Did she still feel guilty? Yes. Some. But Mara felt that, with both Jin and Amir in her life in whatever form, all of the empty spots had been filled at last. Her love for them both was boundless.

Jin nodded reluctantly at her words, knowing they were true. He still silently vowed to do all he could to protect her from harm, mentally adding where possible in difference to her reasoning.

He smiled at her affection, returning her attention with a gentle kiss. "It is a good dream and who knows what the future holds." There were plenty of children in the world needing parents and while it might not be born of their mingling then it would least be a child of their love. Jin thought they should continue on as they were for, who knows perhaps a few more decades yet, before giving that serious thought. He did believe Mara would make a wonderful mother.

Her words encouraged him to remain with her forever and Jin certainly planned to do just that. They also reminded him that while he had shared a few memories when their time together brought them to the surface, he had not shared his own story.

Jin sighed and regarded her in silence for a moment before saying. "Not so many as you'd think." For his several thousand years, not so many at all. Love and obsession could be time consuming things.

Settling back against the pillows, he tilted his head back and stared at the ceiling for a moment. "I served my family, first in the military and then in the court. While I was busy as an attendant to the emperor, I never seemed to have time for a wife. There always seemed to be something more pressing.

Then my family felt ready to overthrow the emperor who they felt was corrupt and self serving." Jin shrugged, at the time he believed that truth wholeheartedly. With time and age, he had come to view the ruler simply as misguided. "It was decided that with my connection to the court and the emperor's trust that I would be the perfect person to assassinate him. I was ready to fulfill that duty, keeping him occupied late into the night with plans, paperwork, discussions of the daily affairs of court. Eventually he asked me to send the attendant down for food. I stepped out to take care of it, knowing this was the brief chance I had been waiting for." Jin paused and watched Mara. "When I came back into the room the emperor was dead. I left quickly knowing that I would be blamed, taking his favorite amulet to my family I told them what happened. They waited before going through with the taking of power to see if any other family had amassed a large force as well.

In the mean time it appeared that I had attracted the attention of the assassin." Jin smiled. "I'm not sure what she saw in me since I had not done as I had been ordered but she chose to turn me just the same."

Squeezing her close, Jin kissed Mara's hair and asked. "Is there more that you would like to know? I will be happy to tell you."

Mara favored Jin with a slightly skeptical expression when he spoke of the future. She was certain her future did not involve children, how could she do that? Unless Jin had ideas she hadn't thought of? It warmed her, though, to know he was thinking of a future with her in it. More than warmed, it filled her with joy and she cuddled even closer to him, almost beginning to believe in this forever thing.

She tilted her head curiously at him when he said his loves had been not so many. Naturally she wanted to know about them. She couldn't see Jin loving lightly. He was a passionate man and she couldn't see him giving his heart easily or on a whim. That was personal though and she wouldn't pry into his past. Like hers it was past.

As he settled back against the pillows on his bed Mara went with him, curling up around him and settling her head upon his shoulder. She listened quietly to his story, fascinated by the fact that she was hearing the tale of the ascension of the famous Han dynasty first hand. Mara had spent a great deal of time in China but it had been several hundred years after the era of Jin's family, the first time she'd visited with Amir being during the Northern Wei Dynasty.

The fact that he was a chosen assassin didn't surprise her. She could see it. Jin must have been loyal to his family; she hardly thought that trait would have changed. The way he'd gone about it, too, was clever. No skulking about, waiting to leap from the shadows. Instead it seemed he had followed through with patience, setting up the perfect chance.

It pleased her to know that Jin's history was, at least during his human life, not traumatizing or sad. So many of their kind came into being under circumstances like Mara's or her father's but Jin's tone implied that had not been the case.

"So you had a choice? For this?" She asked. "Why did you take it?"

Her voice wasn't criticizing. It was simply curious. Why did a man from a noble family, seemingly content, choose a life of undeath? Was it simply curiosity? She could understand that. Political unrest? Something else?

"I want to know everything," she said matter-of-factly. "Everything you want to tell me, anyway."

Pressing against him she covered his neck with slow lazy kisses. How was it he could understand her so well when they knew so few real facts? She thought she understood him, too. There was no hurry to gain this knowledge of him. She knew everything would come in time.

It was enough that he accepted her nature now, this odd duality within her that made her feel similar feelings for two men who were so very different. And yet Mara knew if it came down to it she would remain with Jin. Amir had always been with her one way or another. And he would always be her Creator, her friend, whatever else was or was not between them. With Jin, Mara found something she hadn't expected to find. She couldn't name it but knowing it, she couldn't give it up. There was no one like Jin in the world, just like there was no one like Amir.

And so her Creator was off doing - who knew what? Something dangerous, she was sure. And while she felt guilty about obeying him and not following him, she breathed a warm loving sigh of contentment against the golden skin of Jin's neck, knowing she was where she needed and wanted to be.

Closing her eyes and clinging tightly to Jin she sought to offer further reassurance, or to at least explain the source of her sigh. "I won't ever say goodbye to you, either, Jing."

Jin shrugged at Mara, having no real good answer to that question. "I was curious and, of course, once its made you can't exactly go back. I've only rarely regretted my decision." He smiled at her.

Mara wanted to know everything and that might take a few decades to get through. Jin considered what to relate now. What was the most important in his long life? She had explained how she came to be and her origins with Amir. His life with his maker was different. Mai was different, even back then.

She might be interested in his past loves, was it something you spoke of or didn't? He would want to know but he was interested in everything about the people he cared about. Not everyone felt the same way and hearing about past relationships sometimes only made things worse. However, Mara was just as curious so he thought she would want to know. Jin didn't want her to believe he still harbored strong feelings for someone else by bringing them up but neither did he want to hide the past. Finally he came to a decision and spoke.

"There have not been so many loves in my life, save one. Xaadya. She was a force, ancient when I met her, exotic and strange to me, a newly turned vampire." Jin reflected that while Mai seemed to have forgotten what human intimacy was like over the years Xaadya had not. "For reasons unknown to me, she returned my affections, despite my youth." He smiled at Mara and shook his head in perplexed humility. "We stayed together for what seemed like forever, at the time. Xaadya had no affiliation to any of the Orders. I think the Elders feared her anyway and certainly would not know how to command her. She accompanied me on missions, hunting and entertaining herself however she pleased while I worked. Sometimes she helped, a few times she hindered. Her moods were changeable and her emotions were either very intense or nonexistent. Things I cared deeply about, clan, family, human civilization and its changing nature, were of almost no interest to her.

One day she was simply gone. I did not know what happened to her and could find no trace of her. She had taken every scrap of the things we shared with her when she went. There was no tracking her; it said to me that she had not been taken or killed. She chose to leave, without a word. For decades I waited for her, hoping to see her again, wondering if I had done something wrong. Could I have done anything differently to have convinced her to stay?" Jin smiled softly. "Over the years I have come to realize that the answer to that question is no." Mai had helped him understand Xaadya. His creator had met her before. She had explained the wanderings, the restlessness of age and the need to reconnect with life. Xaadya had clung tightly to him for a while, seeing the world through his eyes, trying to understand from him those things that were worth living for. For whatever reason their relationship no longer fulfilled Xaadya's needs and so she moved on. Jin realized later that it probably never occurred to her that he would mourn her loss or wonder at her reasons for leaving. It simply was. A fact, an experience. Xaadya had taught him that those were all to be cherished.

Mara's words to him could not have been more perfect. It was his fear, as he found his love for her growing deeper every day, that she too would leave him. What if he no longer fulfilled her needs? Jin kissed her deeply, thanking her silently for her reassurance that she would not eventually abandon him. He knew that it might happen but certainly not today and hopefully not ever.

Mara listened quietly to Jin, enjoying the timbre of his voice despite the sadness of the story he told. How different his life might have been if his love had stayed. And how different hers would be now.

When he spoke of not knowing the reasons for Xaadya's attraction Mara smiled softly, knowingly, and stroked Jin's hair away from his face but didn't interrupt him. The only sound she made at all was a soft mewling sound of protest at the the idea that he might have done something wrong. No, not Jin. He was one of the most considerate, compassionate people she had ever met. What could he possibly do wrong that would cause someone who truly loved him to leave him?

His story gave her some insight though, into his feelings, his personality. The response in the kitchen before when he must have thought she meant to leave him. Even more powerful, his offer to let her go. She held him tightly. What must it have cost him then, to offer to step away so she could go to Amir if she wanted?

"Oh Jing," she whispered softly. She knew what it was like to be left behind. He must still think of her. She didn't want to ask him if he'd ever found her; if he wished it were his lost lover he held instead of her.

His kiss convinced her otherwise. Mara returned it ferociously, intensely. She had been so afraid to let him in at first; now she was terrified of letting him go. She tightened her strong arms around him and squeezed briefly before loosening them to kiss him again while her slender fingers dove into his thick mane. "Never," she said between kisses. She couldn't love him enough; for all that she'd just been so certain of her ability to love two men equally, she now questioned her own ability to love Jin as much as he deserved.

"I'm sorry," she finally said. "I'm sorry you felt that. You should have been loved forever."

She paused a moment and decided it might not be bad to share with him another of her memories, so that he might know she understood how he felt. "I remember my father leaving. Watching him from my window. Wanting him to come back. I waited for him for years. I remember even when I was married," she stumbled over the word; it was more difficult to say now than ever. "I used to dream I would wake up and find him leaning over me, when I was bleeding or bruised and he would say 'Come, Amamery, let's go home,' and he never did."

She shook her head at Jin. "I won't ever make you feel that way. I will always be there. If I can't be with you I will wait where you can find me."

Mara didn't know how else to make it clear. It couldn't be firmer in her heart; she wouldn't leave Jin for anything or anyone.

Jin smiled at Mara and sighed happily. "If you're willing to love me forever then I'm willing to be loved." He couldn't imagine that ever being something that he would not want. Her tight embrace was further reassurance and Jin settled his head against her's.

Mara told him of wanting her father to come back, waiting for him to reappear when she needed him. He got the impression that never happened. Jin realized that the man had killed his wife and probably thought he was leaving them better off by not being around. However, he didn't understand how one wouldn't at least come and make sure, especially knowing that his sister was a poor judge of male character and had a weak will. Perhaps he thought the brother would take care of Mara?

"What happened to him? He was turned, does he still live?"

Perhaps he did not survive very long. Then Jin would feel bad for thinking ill of the man Mara had looked up to but who had failed her when she needed him.

It was his turn to hug her close, Jin kissed her hair and rubbed his hands along her arm and back. "And the same will be true for you, Amaret, we can make a home together so that neither of us will ever be alone." Jin thought about that a moment. It might be nice for them to have a bigger place together, somewhere with extra rooms should family wish to come and visit. "How do you feel about the harbor?" He knew she was not much fond of the water but they had some nice homes there. "Or would you prefer the country?" Jin smiled at her mysteriously even though he was sure she could guess where his thought processes had moved to.

Mara chuckled at Jin, a low sweet sound. "Willing? Try to stop me," she murmured, pressing her lips to his as he rested his head against hers. "Love is a renewable resource, fortunately," she said with a smile. "I don't plan on running out."

Mara was convinced that there was nothing better than lying in Jin's arms. When he asked about her father she wasn't uncomfortable; she answered him in a factual tone of voice.

"He belongs to Evenhet," she said softly, a hint of wistfulness in her voice. "He doesn't know about me. He never returned to Giza. Not for a long time anyway."

She looked at Jin sadly. "He didn't get what I got, obviously. There weren't any of our kind nearby. He had to learn how to be what he was, by himself. I followed him when I could. He was... not himself. For a long time. I waited and waited, sure that I could show myself to him and we could be together. The longer I waited the harder it became to see myself doing so."

Mara didn't know how to explain to Jin her difficulty in revealing herself to her father. How broken he was for such a long time; how with every passing night it just got easier and easier to hide in the shadows and watch rather than destroy him with the knowledge that his leaving had devastated them all. She couldn't, and he hadn't asked.

"Part of me is afraid to show myself," she said. "It's like it might be better if I just stay hidden. He won't ever need to know how our family was destroyed and I can remember him as my loving father. Everything has changed. Could he ever truly be my father again? I don't know. I'm afraid to know."

She was ashamed to admit that but it was true. Mara had been hiding away from her father for so long, she wouldn't know how to act otherwise.

The topic became irrelevant when Jin mentioned making a home... together. She pulled away from him, staring at him wide-eyed for a long moment. She blinked.

"You mean... Jin, really?"

Mara actually shivered with excitement. Jin wanted to live away from the Manor... with her? "But away from Mai? And everything here?"

She couldn't stop staring, the beginnings of a smile on her lips. Sure they'd been pretty much living together since Valentine's day but it was random; sometimes at Mara's apartment, sometimes here in Jin's. Admittedly they had sort of left items of theirs in each others' respective living areas but it hadn't been done intentionally really, it had just happened.

The idea of making a home of their own made her heart stop completely. "I don't care where," she said breathlessly. "Harbor, country... I want to be with you. Anywhere!"

Mara wriggled against Jin in delight, the closest she could get to bouncing or otherwise physically expressing her excitement. This was not what she had expected at any point tonight. Or ever. She hadn't known, or suspected where Jin's thoughts ran.

So in lieu of saying anything else she kissed him fervently, whispering her love for him as she did, wrapping her arms and legs around him happily.