Uphill Battle (Invite only)

Alfarinn was awake, still awake to be exact. There had been some difficulties in Japan that required a conference call and an appointment of a new elder in Osaka. That had required his input but luckily it had not required his presence.

He scrubbed the sleep from his eyes with one knuckle as he looked around the lobby. How did he get all the way down here? He had been intending to go to Barney's for some much needed coffee before finishing off the day's paperwork and then finding the much desired cool darkness of a nice bedroom, linen closet, elevator, large cabinet. Soon he was pretty sure it wouldn't matter.

Blinking at the disturbing amounts of sunlight coming through the front glass, Alfarinn looked around and spotted someone that appeared to be in worse shape than himself.

Coming to sit down on the bench next to Alex, he smiled. "Waiting for someone?” He barely covered a yawn with the back of his hand. Alfarinn wondered briefly if he could convince Cris that it was a risk to Evenhet security if he didn't have coffee and that an agent needed to be sent for it right away.

He would probably get a lecture on the abuse of power.

[How is Alex doing?]

Speak of the devil and he sends to you from his office. Alfarinn peered across the lobby toward the security office door. [He could be better.]

Alfarinn was aware that he felt tired because he was tired but sitting down next to Alex made that almost overwhelming.

[See if he needs help?] Cris sounded worried and Alfarinn wondered how much restraint he was summoning up to not come out here and check on his friend personally. Alfarinn had heard that Alex here was quite stubborn about dealing with life on his own two feet. Admirable, naïve, but admirable. He remembered being that young, once...oh, a hundred years or so ago.

[Nope, I refuse.] Alfarinn would do no such thing but being contrary with Cris was second nature. [You might have to haul us both upstairs. One under each arm.]

Sitting here waiting for the nausea to pass wasn't accomplishing anything. It didn't seem to be getting any better; if anything it was slightly worse. Alex had absolutely no desire to decorate Liefde's elevator. He surreptitiously verified the location of the restrooms, just in case. The medicine generally seemed to prevent him from actually throwing up but it was hot and cold when it came to the queasiness. He could probably ask Rowan for something different, stronger, but Alex hated being dependent on drugs.

Rolling his fingers over the warm platinum of the ring on his finger, Alex looked up as someone joined him on the other side of the bench. Long, pale hair, tall, youthful-looking. For a moment he thought it was Kem and he was tempted to ask Aishe's husband for assistance. Then the features resolved themselves into an arrangement that definitely did not belong to the Nachton Elder and he blinked in brief confusion.

"No," he said, weariness in his voice. "I just thought I'd sit for a little while."

He smiled at the other man, knowing he looked familiar. Eiryk had shown him a picture, because he was someone he needed to know. God, he was exhausted. He forced his tired brain to recall the name that went with the face.

"Are you... Alfarinn?"

He stumbled over the name, remembering that Eiryk had called him both Arin and Alfarinn. But Cris and Rowan and even Aishe had referred to this man by the longer of the two names so Alex went with that.

Even as he said it his mind wandered to the seemingly insurmountable task of getting to the fifteenth floor and he felt a wave of despair hit him. How was he supposed to do this for several more weeks, if he was too weak to climb the stairs and the short elevator ride made him want to yak?

He took a deep breath and fought against the negativity. He'd get a different medication, and if he needed to he would just bring a bag with him or something. He would manage. This wasn't a permanent thing, he'd keep pushing through until his surgery and then after one more round he might be in the clear for decades... even the rest of his life.

"Hmm, okay.” Alfarinn agreed and stretched out his long legs, crossing his arms over his chest. Sitting here wasn't the most comfortable seat in the house for him personally but he supposed he could understand how a human might find solace here. At least the glass kept him from going up in a blaze of glory.

Alex had apparently heard of him. "So I am told.” He smiled and shrugged a shoulder.

"I hear you are, Alex. Cris speaks highly of you.” His gaze went back to the office door that he could just make out across the lobby.

"I also hear that your partner makes a good mead.” Alfarinn regarded Alex, watching him more for signs of distress than whether he agreed or disagreed about the beverage. "I feel sad that I haven't been allowed to taste any...but then perhaps my reputation proceeds me.” He grinned, giving another small shrug.

"So is there anything that would make the sitting more enjoyable?” Alfarinn glanced over at the lobby desk. "I bet Heather over there has some interesting music on her iphone or we might convince Ume to get us some coffee...”

[Get your own coffee.] Cris sent with only a mildly amused tone.

[Quit spying.] He retorted, completely unconcerned. Alfarinn was sure Ume could be persuaded; of course that meant getting up and walking all the way across the lobby.

Alex smiled faintly at Cris's praise. "Cris is a good man," he said. "I'm happy to know him. Rowan too." He would have felt odd not mentioning Cris's fiance. In spite of his initial trepidation over the fact that Eiryk and Rowan had 'history' he was now convinced that that 'history' did not include 'baggage' and that was nice. They really did behave much more now like good friends.

He let his eyes drift closed momentarily, then opened them, raising his eyebrows when Alfarinn said he'd never tried Eiryk's mead. "He does make good mead," Alex said. "He'd be happy to share. He likes to know what people think."

Alex made the offer with the comfortable confidence of intimate knowledge. He knew Eiryk. Eiryk loved to socialize, and he loved to discuss mead. Whether the feedback was positive, negative, or lukewarm, Eiryk seemed to enjoy discussing it and planning for the next batch.

When Alfarinn next spoke Alex gave a short, dry laugh. Many things would make sitting here more comfortable. Not feeling so ill, for one. He held up one hand to stop Alfarinn at the suggestion of coffee, the other hand wrapping across his stomach.

"Please, no. No coffee." He gave a rueful smile to the man in charge. "I don't think I could keep it down. Even water is disagreeing with me right now."

Which sucked, because he'd been told he should keep himself hydrated while on these particular drugs. To be fair, Alex had not been physically ill today - he was just reaching the point where he wished he would be. If he thought it would help he'd have stuck his finger down his throat already.

Closing his eyes and taking a deep breath, he said, "I just want to go home. It seems very far away right now though."

Alex opened his eyes again and looked in the direction of Cris's office. He didn't want to ask anyone for help. He hated asking for help. He looked further down the hallway, to Rowan's office. He could just casually stop in, see if maybe, offchance, his friend had something that might be more effective than his current medication.

Not wanting to inconvenience Alfarinn, Alex added, "Nothing I can't handle though. I'll just take the stairs."

One flight at a time. He could do that. It might be slow but he'd be all right. Aside from the exhaustion and nausea he was actually doing better than he'd expected. Of course, once he got home he'd still feel sick.

He looked at Alfarinn. "I don't suppose you would happen to know if Rowan is working at the moment, would you?"

He kept the question light, casual, as if it didn't matter. Surely the head of the Clan would know if the only doctor on staff was around. Rowan tended to keep hours similar to Cris's, so it was very likely that he was in, or at least making rounds or something.

"Yes, he is a good man and a good friend.” Alfarinn smiled. He was fully willing to admit that to anyone and everyone despite all the harassment he gave Cris, or perhaps because of all the trouble he tended to cause him. "I haven't known Rowan nearly as long but he seems like a very good guy. And he makes Cris happy which makes me happy.”

He chuckled and added. "Anyone able to get Starbuck to take a vacation is a hero in my book.”

Apparently his reputation had not caused him to miss out on the mead, either that or Alex didn't know about his legendary ability to consume a great deal of alcohol. "That is good to hear. I'll be by this evening.” The wicked grin hopefully let Alex know that he was joking.

"Alright, no coffee for you then.” He was still determined to eventually procure some for himself but it seemed wise not to give any to the nauseous individual. It seemed the music offer was right out as well but he expected as much. It had seemed that Alex had been summoning the strength to move further, despite his feigned nonchalance.

Alex said he just wanted to go home. That was something he could help with. "You live here, yes?” He rose from the seat in a slow unfurling of limbs. "I will walk with you. Your apartment will be on the way.” They all were since he lived at the top. It took him further away from Barney's but he did have a coffee maker in his suite. He could break down and make his own coffee; wouldn't Cris be so proud of him.

Reaching down, he gave Alex a hand up. He had the easy strength of an ancient; Alex's entire body weight was nothing to him but he would refrain from carrying the proud human unless it became necessary. Which hopefully it wouldn't until they were in the stairwell; that at least would save him some embarrassment.

"Oh I am sure Rowan is around.” Alfarinn waved a hand in the direction of the doctor's office. "somewhere.”

Wrapping an arm around Alex's shoulders, he led the way. "Let's go say hi.” The distance was short and perhaps Rowan could help him far better than he could. Alfarinn could only sense Alex's distress; he couldn't do much to relieve it.

Alex hoped Alfarinn wasn't expecting him to be too chatty. He was trying, honestly, to be cordial. He knew who Alfarinn was. Alex was always respectful, always polite, but he felt like he'd been hit by a truck.

He was surprised to discover that Alfarinn didn't seem to need him to be an intelligent conversationalist. It was almost as if he knew Alex was sicker than he was trying to let on. Then he recalled hearing Cris's voice in his head on one or two occasions. Maybe Alfarinn did... he and Cris were friends after all.

Well, it didn't matter. He was friendly, and he seemed like a nice person (not that he could imagine Cris being friends with anyone who wasn't). He nodded when Alfarinn asked if he lived here.

"Yes. On the fifteenth floor," Alex said. Then he chuckled. "If I'm going to be making a habit of taking a break on my way home I should maybe get a collar and a tag. 'If lost, please deliver to Liefde Towers.' Maybe even a microchip."

He raised his eyebrows in mild surprise when Alfarinn said he would walk him home. "You don't have to," Alex demurred. "I don't want to put you out."

But if his home was on the way... Alex wouldn't mind his company. It wouldn't be wise to climb fifteen flights of stairs alone when he felt like he was already ready to collapse. With luck Rowan could maybe give him something that would make an elevator ride not seem like a terrible idea.

Alex took Alfarinn's hand, which was almost deliciously cool, and rose slowly to his feet. "Thanks," he said.

He hated this feeling of weakness. It was so counter to him, so demeaning and humiliating. And this was week one. He was screwed. That, and he was going to have to learn how to swallow his pride. He knew he was lucky to be surrounded by helping hands. He made his way down the hallway at Alfarinn's side, stopping at the door to Rowan's new clinic, hoping his friend would be inside. Luck was with him; Rowan was indeed at work. The clinic was empty and he and a brown-haired nurse were busy stocking shelves, or reorganizing them, or something, bickering together in a friendly manner.

Rowan looked up when Alex and Alfarinn entered, and immediately came over.

Rowan and Becky were having a friendly argument over how best to stock the clinic when Alfarinn and Alex entered. Rowan felt his lips narrow into a thin line when he saw his human friend, whose face was pale beneath its usual golden tan. He didn't look at all well, though that was to be expected. His grey-green eyes flickered to Alfarinn's, a brief question in them, as he crossed the clinic to come to Alex's other side.

"Hey, Alex. Boss. What's up?"

Alex looked uncomfortable for a second, then he wrapped one arm around his stomach and grimaced. "I don't think the medicine they gave me at the hospital is working," he said reluctantly.

Rowan knew Alex didn't want to complain. Didn't want to trouble anyone. Just wanted to bear his cross quietly. Sigh. he lifted his hand, brushed his fingers over his friend's forehead. "Still feeling pretty sick?"

Alex nodded, his teeth gritted together. Rowan rested his hand against Alex's face then turned to Becky, motioning for her to check Alex's vitals. "Let me just take your temperature. With that port in, and the drugs they're giving you, there's a risk of infection. I just need to make sure."

He led them both into a curtained-off room where Alex could sit on the bed. Rowan wasn't too concerned. Chemo was rough on a body. It killed pretty much everything and Alex was only starting. He didn't expect anything bad, but he had to check. He had a copy of Alex's medical records after having spoken to the oncologists at the hospital, both of which he knew pretty well. With Alex's permission, obviously, Rowan could do a great number of things for him here at Liefde.

Before too long he had made sure Alex did not, in fact, have any signs of infection. He hated the way his normally prickly friend simply sat and let everything happen, his head down, eyes downcast, but there was nothing he could do aside from be there and be supportive. He did have another medication for Alex, something not necessarily stronger but different. Bodies were odd that way.

"Okay," he said after administering it. "It might take a little while to kick in, but let me know if you're not feeling any better in an hour. There are still one or two more we can try if this doesn't do the trick. I want you in bed for the rest of the day, this stuff can make you a little light-headed. And if anything changes, anything at all, I want you or Eiryk to call me immediately. Can you get home all right?"

He looked at Alfarinn once again as he spoke. Rowan was sure their Clan Leader would help Alex get where he needed to go but there was always the chance he'd been on his way to someplace or something urgent. Rowan could certainly get Alex home if need be.

"And once you get home, stay there," Rowan said sternly. "No yoga tonight."

Alex finally looked up, as if to protest, but Rowan cut him off with a raised finger. "No arguments Alex. You have to rest."

Alex bit his lip and nodded. "Okay."

Rowan slid his arm around Alex's shoulder and hugged his friend briefly. "I wish I could do more for you, dear. I know you don't feel well. Give it time, though. You have some good doctors working with you, and they know how important you are to us all."

Alex wiped his hand across his face and Rowan wasn't sure if he was dashing tears away, or if he was simply tired. Either way he understood how frustrated Alex was. How scared. And he disliked the helpless feeling he had. Any one of them would gladly have borne this for him, but fate had given him this challenge.

Looking at Alfarinn again Rowan mouthed, "Thank you," to him and straightened up after giving Alex one more brief hug.

"I'll be here if you need me. And I'll check on you soon to make sure you're feeling better."

Alex made a joke about having a collar made for himself just in case he was lost. Alfarinn didn't want to point out that the man didn't really need one but he thought it just the same. Alex was a part of Evenhet now and had many friends with many abilities. For instance, the Chief of Security considered the man a close personal friend. He imagined that if Alex went missing then Cris would likely be the second to know, if Alex's partner was thinking straight. When one was a sender then they never had to be alone and no one's head was safe. He knew that very well from personal experience.

Alfarinn waved to Rowan, following along when the doctor brought Alex into the next little room and ushered him up on the table. He found a seat out of the way and resisted poking at the things on the shelves and in the drawers. He did filch a couple of tongue depressors and considered them for a moment. Natt and his crew would love them.

For a brief moment he let the little sticks speak to him. In the beginning there was the faded image of the tree that it had once been, the lumber yard, the factory, a box...There was not much more until the box was opened again by one of the nurses here and the little depressor was placed in the glass canister that sat on the shelf.

His hand roamed over that too and he sensed that it was regularly cleaned. He saw multiple people at the task, image layered over image so often that they seemed to meld into one. Well, at least their doctor's office was kept nice and sterile.

"Will you take my temperature too?” Alfarinn asked Rowan and then looked over at his nurse. "I feel a little chilly.” He looked over at Alex and gave him a conspiratorial smile. Not having met this particular nurse, Alfarinn figured that a prank could easily be played, unless Rowan spoiled it. Of course Rowan then might give him some nasty concoction to take for some imagined illness also. Cris seemed to find his partner's sense of humor rather amusing which probably meant that it was equally wicked.

"We were headed that way.” He replied when Rowan asked if Alex could get home alright. "but thought we'd stop in and say hi.” Alfarinn waved his fingers at the redhead.

"Its temporary.” He agreed with Rowan about the cancer and smiled at Alex. "I say that to myself every time I get a hang over from one of Artemis's special brews...so far it has been true. Occasionally I wasn't so sure.”

Giving Alex an appraising look, he added. "You don't look like you've drank the really potent stuff. You'll be fine.”

He stood when it seemed they were done with the mini check up. Alfarinn looked over at his walking buddy and smiled. "I'm ready when you are. While we walk I can tell you a few stories about your friend, Cris.” Darting a quick grin over at Rowan, he smiled mischievously wondering whether his story telling offer would get back to the Chief of Security.

Alex watched with dampened amusement as Rowan poked a thermometer into Alfarinn's mouth. When he removed it a moment later, he 'tsked' at the pale-haired man and shook his head.

"Sadly, this is something I have no cure for," Rowan said. "Drink two glasses of your best and call me when you want to get together for a movie."

He grinned at Alfarinn and turned his attention back to Alex. Alex, for his part, watched the nurse working with Rowan who moved a little nervously. Why? He couldn't help wondering. Was it him? Alfarinn? It was more likely to be the latter. Alfarinn was the head, after all. Of everything and everyone. Why Alex merited his personal attention he didn't know but he was actually grateful for it. The Elder kept up a stream of conversation that was a pleasant distraction and with him there Alex wouldn't be alone for the terrifying trip up the stairs.

Rowan extracted a promise from him to stay home for the rest of the day, which displeased him. Alex had planned to continue teaching his yoga classes every day he could. Not only were they relaxing but he needed the extra income. Well... a day wouldn't hurt, and he should probably get used to missing some. He knew, realistically, he couldn't make every one.

When Rowan hugged him Alex felt a sudden release of tension. A sense of calm came over him and he managed to find his stubborn streak and unearth it from where it had been. The crushing depression and desperation he'd felt faded into the background. Rowan tended to do that, he knew. He had experienced it when they fenced, and often when he was upset Rowan was a calming, cheerful presence.

Alex slid from the table, feeling no less tired or nauseous but at least a little more optimistic, and smiled shakily at Alfarinn.

"I've hard the really potent stuff," he said. "I don't know that I'd care to repeat it."

He turned to Rowan. "Thanks, Rue."

Alex forced his leaden legs to move. He considered the elevator again and his stomach did a barrel roll. No relief there yet. Well, he could go up the stairs and if he felt better at any point he could take the elevator instead. Fifteen flights was no big deal. He did it all the time when he was healthy; he could do it slowly when he was under the weather.

As he made his way out of the clinic with Alfarinn he turned to the taller man. "So you and Cris have known each other for a long time? Is it okay to ask how long?"

Now that he felt a little less panicked about this whole situation he could better express his curiosity... and he could think past the illness to be friendly toward the man who was helping him for no apparent reason. He had wanted to meet Alfarinn for some time now. He knew Cris was friends with him and Rowan had mentioned him several times as well. Aishe was incredibly fond of him and her tone of voice when speaking of him was always warm, amused, and caring. The same went for her husband Kem, who Alex had met many times. Alex almost felt like Alfarinn was more 'part of the family' than a stranger he'd never met, because of his friends' stories and attitudes.

So far he had to say he liked Alfarinn too. There was an air of mischief about him, an ease and a lack of concern that Alex was drawn to. He didn't think Alfarinn was apathetic... just that, perhaps, he picked and chose when he wanted to be upset about something. He might not be right in that, it was just the impression he had and thinking about it distracted him from his current worries.

As they entered the stairwell Alex looked up and said, "We might have time for more than a few stories."

((ooc: Permission granted for Rowan's abilities))

Alfarinn raised his eyebrows when Alex said he had experienced the really potent stuff before and wouldn't care to repeat it. He wondered what he meant. It was certain they were not talking about the same thing as Artemis's for vampires only brew. Stuff that was completely illegal and incredibly unhealthy, probably close to lethal for a human.

But perhaps Alex was talking about his current regime of meds. Those did seem potent and Alfarinn could understand why he wouldn't want to repeat them.

As they headed out of the office, he led the way toward the stairwell, pausing long enough to make a face at Cris through his glass door. His friend rolled his eyes and then looked over at Alex.

Alfarinn could almost see the aura sensing that was going on. Cris could scan someone in a matter of seconds and he was subtle but long association and knowledge of his Security Chief told him what to look for. That brief moment of seeming to almost look through a person before he focused more outwardly again.

[He doesn't look good. Better than he was?]

"Oh, I've known Cris for...” Alfarinn smiled charmingly at his friend in the office. "several hundred years at least.”

[Rowan gave him some new medication and took care of him.] He didn't have glamour but he could sense it working on Alex. Unlike Cris's more impersonal form of empathy, he felt what Alex felt and the sudden shift in emotions when the good doctor gave his comforting support was enough to give him a good idea what happened. It was as subtle as Cris's little scan; the emotional shift wasn't so great that Alex would later wonder what exactly was in the meds Rowan gave him or suspect that he had been helped along by vampiric means. Since it was in Alex's best interest and allowed him to keep most of his pride intact, Alfarinn wholeheartedly approved of the small nudge in the right direction.

As they entered the stairwell Alex mentioned that they might have time for more than a few stories. Alfarinn shrugged, unconcerned. "We might. It has been a long night so I won't be moving with the usual grace and speed.” Not entirely untrue. He certainly wasn't inclined to move quickly and he was quite tired.

"We first met when Cris's Creator was interested in the same relic that I had been tracking.” He waited for Alex and then started up the stairs with him. "He had been advising caution but his Creator was quite adamant about this particular item. Cris was clanless then so when either Clan appeared it was generally time to cut and run, especially when the founder of a clan appeared.” He gave Alex a modest half smile and continued. "Apparently though stubbornness is a family trait.”

"By the end of it I was more interested in the two of them than the relic. I made a deal. They could have it if they gave me a chance to convince them to join Evenhet.” His smile became rather sly. "I got the better end of the deal.” One might say he managed to get his cake and eat it too. However, Grisha remained the owner of the relic they had been after. Alfarinn recorded where they found it, logged what information he could about it and who had it but he never pressured Grisha to turn it over to Evenhet's archives. He had his suspicions on why it was so important to Cris's Creator and that was something he could respect and understand.

Alex took moment to raise his hand wearily in greeting when they passed Cris's office. He was sorely tempted to stop and visit with Cris, to take a break, to talk to him, to soak in the peace and calm he enjoyed about being with his friend. Cris was working, though, and Alex didn't want to interrupt him, nor lay his troubles at Cris's feet when he was occupied with keeping an entire Clan safe. Besides, Rowan had helped him medically and Alfarinn's presence was somehow equally reassuring. Maybe because Alex simply didn't want to be alone at the moment, maybe for another reason - he didn't know. It just felt kind of nice to be looked after.

He wanted Eiryk most of all, but Eiryk was asleep currently and there was almost no chance of waking him without some kind of assistance. And anyway, Alex was home at Liefde. His apartment was close and he would make it there soon. Then he could curl up on the couch and watch a show or crawl in beside Eiryk and lie quietly. Both prospects were appealing right now; he simply didn't have the energy for much else. Alfarinn didn't seem to either; he seemed tired as Alex was but Alex didn't want to pry and ask him why - it was shocking enough that the man in charge of Evenhet was helping him out. He wasn't about to pry into immortal affairs.

Alex was glad for Alfarinn's company as they entered the stairwell. It was a daunting prospect to one whose legs felt like lead. He raised his eyebrows as Alfarinn spoke, but remained quiet while he told his story. He certainly wasn't going to interrupt someone who was talking, and he didn't think he had the breath for it anyway.

He did smile as Alfarinn recounted the tale though, and Alex's interest wasn't feigned at all. He chuckled when Alfarinn mentioned stubbornness as a family trait; he was pretty sure everyone who was acquainted with Cris was also acquainted with his stubborn streak. He nodded when Alfarinn said he was more interested in the two vampires than the relic.

When Alfarinn finished speaking they found themselves on a landing in the stairwell. Here Alex paused, leaning against the wall and looked at the taller, much older man. "So Cris wasn't always in Evenhet," he mused, a statement of observation more than a question, since Alfarinn had clearly answered it already. "It's hard to believe. Everything he does... he's so devoted."

Not that he didn't think such devotion had to be felt right from the get-go, it was just hard to picture Cris doing anything else but what he did. "Obviously you're a very persuasive man. But you'd have to be, I guess."

Alfarinn certainly hadn't become the leader of a vampire Clan by being meek or easily pushed around. Even Alex, newly introduced to this world as he was, understood that. "Not that my opinion matters, but you made a damn good call there."

Alex couldn't speak highly enough of Cris. He didn't need to though; it was obvious when talking to Cris how much he cared about Alfarinn, as both a leader and a friend. Now, hearing Alfarinn talk about Cris it was even more obvious that that feeling was mutual.

He wasn't quite ready to tackle the next flight so he rested his head back against the wall briefly. His troubled brown eyes glanced at Alfarinn and then away while he considered his train of thought. It was not going in a direction he was comfortable voicing to Alfarinn, so he pushed away the darker thoughts and smiled softly.

"So Cris came to join Evenhet," he summarized, "and from then on there was nothing but rigorous order, absolute sanity, and everything working like well-oiled clockwork."

His tone was slightly impish. Alexander had a ton of questions he found he wanted to ask Alfarinn, for surely being able to talk to him candidly was a rare opportunity... yet his questions were serious ones, and with his own body weighing him down he was hoping to counter-balance it with less-weighty thoughts. From the way Cris spoke sometimes, Alex knew that anything but sanity, order, and precision happened. This was a difficult life, a difficult job, and like any job in any life in any time or place in history, nothing really ever went according to plan.

Alex said that Cris always seemed so devoted that it was hard to believe that he was ever clanless. Alfarinn smiled. "I gave him the really -good- kool-aid." Answering more seriously, he said. "I believe that when you don't have a clan or a family that you are often better able to see the value of one when you do." Many vampires felt so strongly about their clans for that reason. Their human families were long gone and their clan was all the family they had but, like any family, having it from the start often meant taking it for granted. Cris only had Grisha for ages; coming to Evenhet had returned him to the life he had known as a human with a big family and a band of mercenaries. His friend was happiest when he had a bunch of people to look after. And who was he to deny Cris that pleasure?

"I've tried to make him an elder many times." He sighed and smiled at Alex. "He refuses. I think he thinks its a demotion." Alfarinn chuckled softly. Cris watched over everyone instead of a city so perhaps it would be.

"I would probably have to trick him into it, like Kem." He said thoughtfully. "Go away, leave him in charge, say I'll be back..." Of course that wasn't what happened or even why he had been away for so long but if it got him a good elder in the process then at least his sister's disappearance had caused a little good.

He nodded when Alex agreed with his choice. "I think people are always the better choice...but in this case I was truly fortunate."

His walking companion then suggested that after Cris came to Evenhet that order and sanity had reigned supreme. Alfarinn grinned. "I see Cris has found my stash of really good kool-aid."

Watching Alex, he took a seat on one of the stairs. "So is there something else on your mind?" There was probably plenty on the man's mind at the moment but he felt an inner turmoil and wanted to help if he could.

Alfarinn's words about Clan and family hit Alex hard. He nodded his agreement, a bitter smile upon his lips. He had a family alive and well but they hated him. The sight of him, the idea of him. He'd been a disappointment from the first time he'd ever had a gay thought.

"Is that how Kem got the job?" Alex chuckled. "He doesn't seem particularly reluctant to me. He seems... happy. Not like Eiryk happy. Just... really happy."

That was the only way Alex could describe Aishe's husband. Eiryk was buoyant and bouncy, and radiated cheerfulness wherever he went usually. Kem was one of the most content individuals Alex had ever known. He just seemed to like his lot in life. Aishe had told him it hadn't always been that way but Alex hadn't known him then and had a hard time imagining him any other way, the same as Cris.

Alex slid down the wall and folded himself up in a lotus when Alfarinn sat too. "Is that what he's been putting in the drinks on wii night? I wondered about that."

The next question surprised him a little. It wasn't normal for Alex to open up to someone he didn't know. It took time, usually. His first response to such a personal question would generally be a brush-off. But to lie now seemed pointless. It was obvious he had things on his mind, and he didn't want to be that way toward Alfarinn. Not just because he was the Head Honcho around here, but because he was being so kind and it was a poor way to repay his help and thoughtfulness.

"Tons on my mind," he said, one corner of his mouth quirking up bitterly. "Aside from the drugs, the cancer, the whole 'maybe losing my leg' thing, missing work, missing classes..."

Alex sighed and laughed dryly as an alternative to bursting into tears of frustration. "Eiryk wants me to marry him, which is sweet, but what will he do if this thing kills me? It's not fair to him. I'm not second guessing anything, not hardly. It's just..."

He scrubbed his hand over his eyes and then pinched the bridge of his nose tiredly. "It's not fair," he said with a soft sigh, trying not to sound whiny. "It's just not fair. I finally have a home, a real family, people who actually want me around for some reason, and I don't have time to enjoy it. Suddenly it's like I have to make all the choices I didn't want to make in the next month, and I wasn't ready."

Alex drew his knees up, wrapped his arms around them, and then rested his chin on them. "Sorry," he said. "I know it's not that bad. I can kick this thing, and this could all go away in a few months, and I'll have done all this worrying for nothing. But sometimes it's hard to see the forest for the trees."

He was so mired down in frustrations now, in if's and what-if's and maybe's that it was tough to keep himself in check. Alex wanted to be strong, and he wanted to stand on his pride and do this his way. He remembered Aishe's words, though, that any of them would be happy to have Alex stay with them always, and he realized he did want that - but not because dying was the only other alternative.

Alfarinn gave a half shrug about how Kem got to be elder, maybe it happened the way he suggested, maybe it happened because he had wanted Kem to take the job from the start, and maybe Kem could have turned it down at any point if it wasn't what he wanted. Rarely were things completely straight forward. He knew that a lot of Kem's contentment came from Aishe, from finding his place in society, his clan, his life. Alfarinn suspected they were finally seeing the true Kem once again.

He watched Alex carefully as the man settled down across from him. There were many things on his mind as Alfarinn suspected from his emotional state. Foremost obviously were the worries and fears about the cancer that he had and the various possible outcomes.

Listening quietly to everything, Alfarinn slowly got up and moved over to sit down next to Alex, stretching his long legs out and using the first step of the next flight as a foot stool. "That is a lot to think about...”

"Let's start with Eiryk. He wants to marry you. If it will make you both happy then I would advise you to do it.” Alfarinn turned to look at Alex. "If you would rather wait and be healthy to enjoy the ceremony and feel good about the decision and all the reasons for it then wait.” He sighed softly and spoke from experience. "Your death would hurt him whether there is a piece of paper with your names on it or not. I doubt it will provide much solace if the worst happened. So really, do it only if its the right time and not because you feel it was on some relationship bucket list.”

"As far as making decisions and life throwing you this huge challenge right this moment...think about it another way.” Alfarinn reached over and placed a hand softly on Alex's leg. "What if it had happened a few years ago? Before you had Eiryk, Cris, Rowan and a family of misfit vampires and humans who care about you. Before you opened your store and had a real home... Perhaps if there was ever a time for such things to happen then this one has come at a time when you are actually best able to deal with it.” No one feels ready to handle personal tragedy and difficulty but sometimes looking back on it you could say, thank the gods that didn't happen while I was homeless or jobless, thankfully I had a loving partner to support me through it. Alex was right to think it was a trial but Alfarinn wanted him to see it was less of one because of the good state his life was currently in. "I firmly believe that your partner, your job and everything else will continue to be there for you when this is over which means there is a teeny tiny...” He held up his hand in front of him and pointed into the far distance. "light at the end of this long tunnel.” Alex had said the same thing himself so Alfarinn knew that he knew it but it was hard to believe a thing so ephemeral when there was a world of worry weighing you down.

"Pfft, you would be insane not to worry. Its natural when faced with the possibility of death looming closer than someone your age is used to experiencing.” Alex was barely out of the age that believed they were invincible. He was still young and strong and expected to have at least another half a century of life left to live. "When we went on raids the night before it was nearly impossible to sleep. The drinking and boasting, eating a good meal; It was all to help you sleep even knowing that the next day's battle could be the cause of your death. Stories of Valhalla seem like a comfort when your sitting in a nice warm lodge but in the cold light of dawn, facing the enemy with nothing but a hammered piece of metal in your hand, it fades into fear, doubt...and possibly a little excitement. You want it over. You want them to rush at you instead of stamping their feet in the snow and sizing you up while the same fear runs through their veins. Because at least then you'd be too busy fighting for your life to be afraid.”

He shrugged slightly. "Unfortunately cancer is a bastard enemy who lets your sweat it out, worrying and wondering until the battle is over. That's incredibly bad form.”
Alfarinn turned to Alex and mused softly. "But you said you had to make all the choices you didn't want to have to make immediately which means there is more than just marriage on your mind.”

He tilted his head against the wall and asked. "So I am guessing that you are wondering whether you should be a vampire or not. And would you make the same decision if you were completely and totally healthy.” It didn't take a psychic to figure that question out. Alex had mentioned making decisions and, when living with a vampire, it was a very typical question for any human to have on their mind, not just the ones with a life threatening disease.

"Let me say that the people that know you are happy to have you be a part of this clan.” Alfarinn smiled. "They all think you are a wonderful and valuable addition and I am inclined to agree. If you stay for five years, fifty, a hundred, a thousand...you'll always have a home here.”

"We can talk about if you want or it can wait until we get you home...or you don't have to talk about it at all, obviously.” Alfarinn considered the stairs in front of him. "Maybe we should have one of those riding stair seats installed, or a water slide...damn, that would only get us down...”

He turned back to the important topic once more. "I figure an almost stranger might be better than a close friend, wouldn't you agree?” His boyfriend, Rowan and Cris, even Aishe and Kem would likely have a specific opinion on which way Alex should go. Maybe they would let him decide and maybe they would listen objectively to all his opinions and worries but would Alex feel comfortable in voicing them all to them? Can you really wonder out loud to your boyfriend such things as "What if you don't love me in a hundred years?” What if we grow tired of each other? What if I change as a vampire? What if I hate it?” Alfarinn would expect all those thoughts and would be worried if Alex hadn't already considered them.

((OOC: Alfarinn hasn't spoken this much and this seriously since good ol'Taddy was here. ))

Alex watched Alfarinn as he stood, moved over, and then sank back down beside him. He listened quietly as Alfarinn spoke, unable to deny the older man's words about Eiryk. He chuckled dryly in regards to the bucket list and shook his head. "No, I really do love him. I want to be with him. I'm just sorry it's stressing him out. Marriage should be wonderful and happy... I mean, look at Cris and Rue. That's how I wanted it. But it feels good knowing Eiryk wants me even if I'm sick and getting sicker. He didn't have to ask me now."

Eiryk could have waited to see what would happen to Alex. But he hadn't. He'd asked him knowing it would cheer Alex up, knowing it would give him something to be happy about and it did. Alex didn't like the knowledge that he was hurting Eiryk, but Alfarinn was right; his illness would hurt his partner regardless of their relationship status.

"I don't care about the ceremony," Alex admitted. "I don't have any family who I'd care to invite or who would even come if I did, and all my friends would be on Eiryk's guest list already anyway. I'm happy about it. I just have to remember that when it gets tougher."

Alfarinn brought up Alex's friends in Evenhet next, and that was a sore spot with him. He winced at the truthful words, trying to imagine what it might have been like if he'd had to go through this without them. Or worse, with his parents. What would his parents have done if they'd had to take care of him like this? Alex shuddered at the thought. He did have good friends now. Supportive ones. It pained him that they were hurting through this too, but he was so grateful to have them. Not a day had gone by since he'd started chemo that one or all of them hadn't checked in on him.

"No you're right," he said. "There is a light there. I hate that they have to see me like this, but I'm grateful to have them. We've been friends for years now, but I didn't expect this."

He should have. He remembered the water main break in his store, how Eiryk, Kem, and Aishe had all grouped together to take care of things while Alex slept. If that wasn't support he didn't know what was. It had prickled his pride to accept their help but now he realized how invaluable it was.

"I just wish I had something to give them in return."

He was still The Human of the group. The one who could get sick, get injured. He hated that.

He was torn away from those thoughts for a few minutes as Alfarinn told him about a time long ago. Alex listened, wide-eyed with fascination, to the vampire's recounting of the feeling of being on a battlefield. He had to agree with the sentiment, too, he'd far rather be physically fighting, instead of sitting around sweating - or in his case, shivering, nauseous, and fatigued. He nodded his head slowly, indicating that Alfarinn had hit the nail on the head there.

And then he brought up the topic of becoming a vampire. Alex flushed when Alfarinn voiced his opinion that Alex would be welcome. Why? He still didn't quite understand what he could offer this world that they couldn't find elsewhere. Surely when you were looking for a new member you could pick someone wealthy, smart, successful, beautiful. But then, Alex did have friendship on his side and he knew that counted for plenty.

He didn't want to wait to get upstairs to explain himself to Alfarinn, to detail exactly why he was so pissed with that situation. It had everything to do with his pride. "That's just it though," he said. "I mean not the water slide. I think there might be a building code issue with that. I mean if I would make the decision if I were healthy."

He shrugged his shoulders. "I did make it," he said, "I just didn't bother to tell anyone." Then he picked his head up, remembering. "Except Aishe. We had talked about it. I mean, she's more my age, and she's easy to talk to. I didn't want it at all at first but I'd been thinking about it long and hard, and I had thought it would be a good thing, he right thing, to do. And now this."

Alex raised his hands in exasperation. "Now if I do it it will look like it was only because I'm sick, and I don't want any of them thinking that. I want to fight this thing and get better, and then be able to choose. I want to decide my own life."

Any energy he'd had for his brief speech went right out of him there, and he laid his head back down on his knees. "That probably sounds terrible," he said. "It's just pride, isn't it. I'm always that way. I don't think I can help it."

He closed his eyes, noting that the nausea he'd been feeling was abating just a bit. It was being replaced, however, as Rowan had warned him, with a distinct light-headedness that wasn't much better. He put his hands on the ground as if to brace himself. "God," he muttered, "Rowan wasn't kidding. The stairwell is spinning."

So now he was mostly sick to his stomach and the room was going around and around... fantastic. One or the other of the symptoms would surely abate; it seemed like the queasiness was going to lose out, but if he stayed dizzy like this, was it worth it?

He used the wall to push himself back up, unsteady on his feet. "I think I need to get upstairs," he said. They could keep talking there... in fact he'd appreciate it. Alfarinn was level-headed and calm, and Alex was grateful for the opinion of a near-stranger, as he'd suggested, only Alfarinn wasn't entirely a stranger. And becoming less of one by the second, really.

Alfarinn listened to Alex as he worried that he didn't have anything to give his friends in return. "I am pretty sure that you give them, you.” He smiled and turned to the dark haired man. "Yoga lessons are nice also. I am sure Cris and Kem both appreciate a calm, flexible Aishe...for widely different reasons.” He chuckled softly and continued. "And I know that few people manage to get close to our elusive Security Chief so the fact that you manage to get him to come out of his office and play video games is no small feat.”

Alex shot down the water slide idea and he sighed softly. It wouldn't have worked well anyway.

It seemed that his walking companion had made the very important decision about whether or not to spend an eternity with them. Of course, he knew that but kept his mouth shut; now Alex was telling him the same thing himself and that meant he never had to reveal his original source.

"I can understand you not wanting to appear as though the circumstances ruled your decision but perhaps I can point out that more than one of us have been made in a crisis situation. Its typical actually.” Alfarinn considered and explained a personal example. "My own sister, for instance, was meant as a sacrifice to a deity and was strangled and thrown into a peat bog.” She had only been strangled to the point of unconsciousness which had been 'nontraditional' for those kinds of sacrifices but this particular 'deity' had preferences for warm blood so he also figured that it had been no accident that his vampire sister had been left alive when she had been tossed into the bog to appease the insatiable goddess. "She wouldn't have lived without intervention. Our Creator wasn't much on giving people choices either. I was perfectly healthy. She made me a few months later to help take care of Megan. My son was made when he suffered a mortal wound on the battlefield. However I did ask him whether he wished to go on to Valhalla or stay.”

"No one would think less of you for choosing life.” Of the undead variety. "It is understood that you would be choosing it so that you could spend more time doing what you love with those that you love.” Alfarinn breathed in slowly and then added an immortal observation. "To us, being human is a critical condition with an uncertain number of years left to enjoy. We love our human friends and treasure them for as long as we have them with us but that time is always over in the blink of an eye.”

He pulled his legs up off the stairs and tucked them under him, leaning forward, he turned to Alex. "How about this? You continue your treatments and get healthy and then make that decision public to your friends as you intended but realize that no matter how bad it gets that you are here to stay.” Alfarinn smiled. "Consider it, life insurance.” Alex could wait and he would likely get better. It would allow him to do things his own way but Alfarinn hoped that it gave his companion some peace of mind to know that he would always have the option of becoming one of them if something went wrong with that recovery.

"It doesn't sound terrible, by the way, and there is nothing wrong with pride.” He wasn't very fond of people without at least some pride. Those that made a habit out of being meek and helpless gained little sympathy from him.

Alex appeared to take a turn for the worse, or at least a turn for the different. He looked almost pale enough to be Alfarinn's brother; which wasn't a very good look for the man of Greek descent.

Standing up, he leaned down and collected Alex into his arms and started up the stairs with him. "Speaking of pride, I won't mention this if you won't.” He understood having to be carried up the stairs probably wasn't high on Alex's list of things to admit to since he was normally so strong and healthy. "Breath slowly and easily and hope we don't come across anyone making out in the stairwell. Fifteen right?”

Alex appreciated that Alfarinn offered an objective opinion. And, coming as it did from the leader of Evenhet, he didn't think Alfarinn would lie to him or color the facts, soften any blows. He hoped not, anyway.

The story of Alfarinn's sister made Alex wince. Oh yes, he knew people had it worse off than him, and it was good that there had been another option for her aside from a brutal death. But ALex didn't want to have to choose this life just because.

Alfarinn seemed to understand that, as well, and his suggestion was just what Alex had been thinking of. Fight as long as he could, get better and make choices on his terms - but with the guarantee that if ever he lost the fight, someone would intervene. It was the last clause at the end there that made him blink, that that sort of 'lifeline' would be offered to him by someone who hardly knew him.

He ground his teeth together stubbornly, and looked up at Alfarinn. "But I don't want to be a burden," he said. "I want to have something to contribute. I won't even be good for... you know," he tapped the side of his neck. Right now at least he could provide blood for his friends when they needed it. He had done so on several occasions, for Eiryk obviously, but also for Cris and Rowan when they'd been in need. It was the one thing he could do.

His arguments were forestalled when Alfarinn assisted him by picking him up easily, as if he weighed nothing. Alex bit back a gasp of surprise and clutched at the Elder's shirt as if he might still fall; the stairwell was spinning about wildly now and even in someone else's arms he was dizzy. Alex closed his eyes and hid his embarrassed blush against Alfarinn's shoulder. His arms were cool and they felt good; in spite of his lanky appearance he was strong like all of his kind. Alex wished that climbing the stairs was something he could have taken on by himself but he did have to swallow his pride on this occasion and be grateful, very grateful, for the assistance. Otherwise he'd still be stuck in the lobby.

Nodding his head, Alex did as directed and breathed in and out slowly. "Thanks," he said when Alfarinn offered to spare his pride by not telling anyone about this. He gave a short, dry laugh at the hope that they wouldn't run into anyone making out and said, "Is that likely?"

He had taken the stairs here lots of times, and he had to say - he'd never noticed any making out. Never even done it himself. Between that and the water slide he was starting to think he'd better learn how to have fun. He nodded again when Alfarinn confirmed the floor. "It's fifteen. The key... is in my pocket."

It was hard to breathe slowly when he was panicking. He was trying not to, but all of these things happening to him - drugs, procedures, side effects... they got to him.

Alfarinn chuckled. "You will always be good for...you know.” He couldn't help it. Alex was so serious and so worried about being a burden on his friends but Alfarinn knew that they loved him not because he was a great source of blood or wonderful in bed. He suspected Cris liked Alex's honesty and loyalty, perhaps there was a quiet humor in there that he wasn't currently seeing in this very serious conversation. Aishe loved the man and was worried about him. She had told him that Alex was an amazing teacher and a wonderful friend. Those were invaluable traits to have in a friend and a clan mate. "You're not a burden, nor would you be. You don't have just one vampire friend. You have a whole building full of them. I also suspect you can't help but give back in over abundance so don't worry about having support now.” There would be plenty of people helping Alex no matter what he chose. They would be there to support him if he chose to continue therapy and remain human until it was over and they would be there to support him and help him if he chose to become the newest member of their vampire clan.

He shrugged one shoulder slightly as they made their way up the stairs. Alfarinn was careful not to move too fast. "I have seen it before...Cris more so than myself.” A blended vampire sees all kinds of things. He was far less stealthy. "I doubt we'll encounter anyone doing that today.” Especially since they would likely hear them coming and stop the PDA before they were encountered.

"So when you make this decision down the road. What do you think you will enjoy most about being a vampire?” Alfarinn wondered what a human with the chance to consider the choice might say. Was it immortality, the chance to be forever with his friends, or something else? "Little or big. Some things are rather obvious.” Mostly he was giving Alex something to think about other than the stairs that he was climbing very carefully.

Alex was surprised at the easy grace with which Alfarinn moved. He must have been being extra careful, because Alex didn't feel any worse for being carried like a child. In fact the nausea had abated notably, which was a relief. If he could get the dizziness under control he might actually be able to eat something, and that would be the first time today. He allowed himself to rest against Alfarinn a little more comfortably, not so stiff, and listened to his voice. It was different than Alex's own, a nice baritone where Alex was distinctly a tenor.

"Oh, that's right, I can still help that way," Alex said when Alfarinn noted that he could still be a blood donor, as it were. But that would mean he'd have to drink it frequently himself and he didn't know how good he'd be at that sort of thing. He'd better figure it out, if this future came to pass, or he'd be one sorry vampire.

When Alfarinn asked him what what he would enjoy most Alex was quiet for some time, not ignoring him but thinking. There were a lot of things he would like. Who wouldn't like being with their friends forever? Not growing old? That sort of thing? Of course there were some disadvantages, and those were the things Alex had focused on a great deal. Alfarinn asked him to consider the benefits.

"Family," he said, his eyes closed now as they moved upward. His voice was very low, a soft murmur that wouldn't echo in the stairwell. "I always wanted one. When my grandmother died the only person who cared about me was gone."

He gave a soft sigh against the cool neck. "Too gay for the rest of them," he said with soft bitterness. "They haven't cared for years."

There was no real petulance to his tone; it was fact. Alex hadn't realized how little they wanted him around until his father had revealed he'd only loaned him the money for his store to get him away and keep him away.

"Now I have a family. I want to live to enjoy it some." There, that was selfish enough. Sure, Alex hoped his friends, his family here in Nachton, enjoyed having him around too, but he would admit he wanted to grab this happiness and hold onto it, fill himself up with it, never be away from them, any of them. He would do whatever they needed him to do, be whoever they wanted him to be. He would probably always want to do things his way, stand on his own two feet. He would probably never let go of that fierce pride. But he wanted to be stubborn and independent with the people he loved all around him.

Alex's answer was somewhat surprising. Alfarinn looked down at the human he was carrying and gave him a small smile. "I am glad you've become a part of our family, Alex. I am positive we'll enjoy your company as a part of it for many years to come.” Alex would get better and then tell his friends his choice or he wouldn't and they would simply honor that choice a little more quickly than expected. Either way, Alfarinn was pretty sure that Alex would be their newest vampire very soon.

He explained why his family didn't want him around. Alfarinn frowned and shook his head. "It goes in cycles, this opinion of people like us. Everything in society is ruled by what the majority considers right or appropriate. It is sad that your family would let one detail of your life define all of you.” His preferences wouldn't have bothered his family at all, so long as he continued the family line and even then it wouldn't have been the end of the world if he hadn't. Still in his human days, so long ago, there were those that had a wife and a partner, spending more time with the later. It was understandable that special bonds occasionally formed on the battlefield. He had always found the company of other men to be more comfortable and enjoyable. Early on he had expected that was because women were so different. They knew different things, learned secret womenly things, had different anatomy with special needs. He had no sisters and had never grown close to the girls his age. It wasn't until later that he realized that was not the case at all. Women were different and the same but he tended to find his own gender more appealing. It was just how he was.

"You are ours now though.” He grinned at Alex. "So be prepared for the chaos and drama of a large, occasionally unruly family....no matter what Cris and his kool-aid might imply.” Alfarinn suspected that it would be exactly what Alex wanted and needed. When someone who grew up in a distant family suddenly found themselves a part of a large involved one they might be overwhelmed but ultimately that love and support always seemed to help the person evolve and grow. He looked forward to seeing what Evenhet would do for Alex and how he would thrive with the love and acceptance that he needed. He was sure that they already had a productive and wonderful new member of their clan who would only grow more confident and skilled as time went on.

"Here we are, fifteen." He carefully settled Alex down onto his feet again, wrapping a supporting arm around the other man's shoulders. Pushing the door open, he looked down the hall. "Let me know where to stop." Alfarinn walked along with Alex, letting the other man indicate the way. Hopefully the trip up the stairs gave the medication a little more time to do its job and they wouldn't have to rush for Alex's door.