Where Were We, Now? (attn: the usual suspects)

Cris sipped his coffee and gave the current trio of names quick consideration. "Mmm, well I would have to agree with your choices. First, Loki is fuckable as he is but he can also appear as anyone else you might wish to fuck so there is lasting bed sport with that ability."

He then shrugged. "The other two are easy because Black Widow is far too much of a spy to be a very good marriage partner." Cris leaned against Rowan and muttered softly to his partner. "I don't know how you do it."

Sitting back up straight, he finished off. "That leaves marrying Vision."

Cris turned to the person next to him. "Your turn."

Alex spun his wedding band around on his finger, a little smile on his face. Leave it to Aishe to come up with that trio. He rolled his oddly-colored eyes up in thought.

"Okay. I'd kill Loki because he's just going to respawn somewhere else anyhow. Marry Vision, because Paul Bettany is hot in any costume. And fuck Black Widow."

He nodded sagaciously. "Gotta try out the other team at least once. Right?"

He could barely say it all with a straight face, but he was still sticking with that answer.

"Oh I don't know Cris I really do prefer to know for certain who I'm getting into bed with. Eiryk said as he eyes Alex appreciatively "The whole descended from a race of Giants though... it has possibilities.”

Eiryk did have a little bit of trouble keeping a few comic book characters and the gods (no Loki wasn't god) of his youth separate but he was getting better.

He'd picked up his coffee half mulling over his own answer and half listening to his husband's. When Alex did answer it was the last one that made Eriyk laugh which would have gone better without the coffee as he inhaled a bit and wound up coughing a bit. Fortunately he recovered fairly quickly and without spilling (for a change).

"Wait so if I say fuck Black Widow too, can she just watch or do we both have to take one for the team?”

Setting his coffee down Eiryk casually squeezed Alex' knee under the table, just because he could.

"No I think kill Loki, marry Black Widow and fuck Vision. He's and android he must always be hard right?”

Alfarinn gasped at Eiryk. "I can't believe you'd disrespect one of our own like that. You are kicked out of the Norseman club."

He grinned down into his spiked coffee. "I would marry Loki. Because you have to keep things interesting over the years." Tapping the side of his mug, he considered the other two. "Fuck Black Widow and kill Vision. I am not sure a robot would be such a good lay."

How did they get started with this game again? At least they were not asking about historical figures that some at the table might know. DaVinci? Terrible wife, not bad in bed though and who could really kill a genius?

"So are you going to answer the question or what?"

Pak glowered slightly at Aishe. Sure the game was supposed to be a pain but something about that trio was just extra challenging. Maybe it was just that she'd never expected to be -quite- this invested in comic books or comic book movies. Maybe it was that she'd heard a similar debate in her department not too long ago. At least she wasn't first, but it wasn't enough time to think especially as some of the answers were rather distracting.

"Ummmmm....”

She stalled slightly feeling like everyone was waiting on her and wondering why she seemed to be the only one who didn't have particularly strong feelings on Loki.

"I don't think I can marry or fuck Vison, MARI might get jealous or make me a bigamist or something. So that leaves kill Vision, but save at least some of the programing, fuck Loki and marry Black Widow?”

She wasn't at all sure but that sounded more right than not.

"That works right?”

She turned to Kem rather expectantly.

Kem almost choked on his coffee when Pak decided on killing Vision but saving some programming. Spoken like a true programmer. He turned to her and raised an eyebrow at her.

"I don't know if that's acceptable. Does it really count as a kill, in computer terms, if any part of it is saved? I thought you'd have to go full scale delete.”

He considered his own answer reluctantly, not actually wanting to kill anyone even hypothetically. But the entire table was waiting, his friends were expecting answers, and this was just a silly game.

Aishe reached over and mischievously flicked the tip of his nose. "Don't make me set a timer for you. Suck it up and murder a fake character.”

Kem grimaced, swigged some more coffee, and sighed.

”Ok, Ok. I'd fuck Vision. Marry Loki, because he can't possibly be any more mischievous than Aishe, and I guess Black Widow is my kill.”

He sipped his coffee again, pointedly ignoring the squeak of indignation next to him.

Aishe listened with amusement as her friends answered her question with varying degrees of (mostly mild) complaint about how tough it was. After poking Kiamhaat for his answer, she couldn't help a tiny squawk as he put her at Loki levels of mischief.

"That's no fair. Much of my mischief is Shawe's fault."

She turned to Cris imploringly. "Tell him that's not fair, Cris!"

She sniffed at her husband then craned her neck around him to look at Pak. "I'm in agreement with you. Fuck Loki, kill Vision, and marry Black Widow. I'm used to intrigue by now."

She chuckled softly. "And what does it say that the two women at the table chose the only female option available to marry?"

She eyed their male companions one at a time, lips quirked up with humor, and elbowed Rowan. "Your turn, I think."

Five years after marrying Cris, Rowan still wasn't over the googly-eyed first blush stage or whatever you wanted to call it. When Cris spoke softly to him, Rowan simply leaned in, brushed his lips lightly over Cris's earlobe, and murmured, "You make it easy, dear heart."


That was true. Although there had been a few rough patches as they both ironed out what it truly meant to be a married couple, they had developed a sense of teamwork very early on in their relationship, and they were both dedicated to their jobs and each other. It had required adjustments on both of their parts, and maybe it would always, but Rowan's opinion of Cris never changed. He was almost unbelievably ecstatic in his marriage.


His woolgathering caused him to almost miss a few of his friends' answers. He had to laugh at Alex's reasoning, and almost nodded at Alfarinn until he stopped to think about it for a moment.


"But he's fully functional. And one would assume possibly very... open to trying almost anything." He wiggled his eyebrows. He'd chosen to marry Vision himself, after all.


When Aishe turned it over to him, since they were going around the table, he twisted his fingers together and cracked his knuckles. "Okay. Let's see now. Maybe we can branch out to other universes and worlds next time, but for this one let's do... Peter Parker, Mantis, and Rocket."


With a slow smile, he turned to Cris. "You're on."

Cris smiled softly at Rowan's remark and the gentle brush of lips against his ear. He almost missed what Kem had said and Aishe's reply. Tilting his head to the side, he sorted it out and answered. "Well, Shawe does create a lot of mischief. However, he is your familiar and therefore your ultimate responsibility. I am afraid, by vampire law, it would still fall on you." He reached out and squeezed Aishe's hand gently.

"Do not worry. I would get you the best vampire lawyer that money can buy."

The current round of questioning went back to Aishe who had started it. She pointed out that only the females at the table had wanted to marry Black Widow. Cris shrugged. His opinion had been based on occupation and not on gender.

Rowan came up with the next question. Trust his partner to come up with a difficult one. Cris stared at the ceiling and gave the choices some thought.

"I do not wish to fuck a raccoon but I would have a hard time killing someone who looks like my little grandson." Cris had been toying with the idea of making Shawe a little toy gun and getting him a space suit. He would be adorable at convention or party. "I would have to marry Rocket."

The other two were difficult. Did you kill the kid or the nice little alien empath? "Peter has had some hard times in his young life so I suppose a little pleasure and not an early death are his due. Carnal knowledge of Spiderman means that I would, unfortunately, kill Mantis."

Alex took a second to consider the options Rowan had given them before looking at his friend with an expression of disbelief.

"Rowan. That's messed up. How are we supposed to choose?”

He shook his head slowly. ”I'm neither fucking a raccoon nor killing it. So I guess Rocket is getting double hitched. But the others... uhhh. It might be fun to fuck Spider-Man. Although the potential webbing creeps me out. Uncertain about the antennae on my other option.”

He covered his face with his hands and slowly rubbed his cheeks. Yuck. Rowan was a horrible person. And they were awaiting an answer.

"Ok once with Black Widow was experimental, a second time with Mantis is a disturbing trend. I'm going with Cris. Fuck Peter, kill Mantis.”

Eiryk just half grinned and shrugged at Alfrarinn. He wasn't the first Norsman to think Loki was a pain and he wouldn't be the last. Well he might be the last, there weren't exactly a ton of the old school floating about any more. He'd worry about it later.

Answers were exchanged all around and he was just starting to think maybe he'd gotten out of that one fairly well when Rowan had his say. He groaned.

"Rue that is just cruel. No matter what I say I'm not sure I can look Aishe in the face for at least a week.”

Bloody pirates. Cris and Alex seemed to reason their way out of things fairly well though.

"I'm glad you're limiting your experimenting to one.”

He teased Alex while trying to find his own answer.

"Let's see... Rocket's personality is a bit challenging but I'm not sure about killing him...and Mantis is just so cute and innocent...”

Ugh. There was no way to make this better. There just wasn't. Eiryk blurted out his answer while doing his utmost to look anywhere but at Aishe and hoped that someone else would say something worse.

"Fine... marry Mantis, fuck Rocket and kill Peter. At least it might save us -another- sequel.”

He shook his head and made a face clearly indicating his distaste with this round.

"I might need a shower now.”

The reasoning behind people's choices was always enlightening, even in a silly little game like this. They finished with Aishe's choices to her own questions and then Rowan gave his three that they had to choose from and they were tough. One shouldn't be allowed to add anthropomorphic raccoons into the mix.

Cris's choices were not surprising but Eiryk's were. Alfarinn choked on some of his alcohol laced coffee.

"Well, that was ballsy. You are back in the Norseman's club...after you shower."

Looking down at his drink, Alfarinn decided there was not enough libation to suit this conversation. "I am sorry but Rocket is a violent, foul mouth little war monger...and, while that is normally entertaining, I can't imagine marrying or screwing him. So he has die."

Alfarinn shrugged. "I think fucking the empath would be fun and Peter is sweet and super earnest. He has growth potential so I would marry him."

Turning to Pak, he smiled. "May the Force be with you. You're up."

Rocket? Pak swore under her breath when Rowan brought Rocket into this mess. She sort of identified with, maybe even empathize with Rocket, they had some similarities. They were both short, surly, a little abrasive, occasionally adorable, and good enough at their job to warrant keeping them around.

So Pak winced a little when Alfarinn had no issues killing him off.

"I might be considering turning to the dark side at this rate.”

Pak groused a little.

"I guess marry Rocket even if we do wind up divorced in six months. But I can't decide if doing Peter is statutory rape or just me being the ultimate cougar?”

She probably should have paid more attention to those Spider Man movies. Finally Pak decided that the web thing had too many potential creepy bondage over tones to deal with and that she was taking all of this far too seriously she giggled at herself a bit.

"Fine kill Peter and fuck Mantis.”

Pak grinned little. It wasn't like most of the people at this table didn't have worse on her than a few questionable hypothetical moral decisions.

"Do we even want to know how you're going to answer this one pěe chaa? It probably can't be worse than Eiryk.”

Having found a bit more of the spirit if the game Pak felt obligated to taunted her brother a little.

Kem groaned with some of the others when Rowan came up with a horrible - or amazing - trio, depending on how you looked at it. As the answers came from around the table, he joined their friends in laughing a little at Eiryk, and then felt gratified when Alfarinn went there.

When his turn came around, he tipped his coffee cup toward his fellow Elder. "I'm with you. Rocket's a goner."

Before Aishe could tweak his nose again he held his hand up. "For the reasons Alfarinn already listed. And also, because we have no less than five hundred raccoons within a few miles of our backyard, all of whom would probably jump at the chance to become Super-Raccoon."

He shrugged.


"Then I'd fuck Peter Parker and marry Mantis, because she's adorable."

There. He was playing the game, even though he felt horrible and kind of crass. He had to admit when he put those feelings aside, the hypothetical scenarios were entertaining.

Aishe couldn't help but laugh at Cris's reassurance to buy her the best lawyer. She rolled her eyes, but she couldn't argue that Shawe definitely caused his fair share of trickery.

Shawe continued to be a subject of speculation as Rowan added Rocket to his round of questioning. She poked a finger at him. "You are not allowed to pick the choices anymore."

The redhead simply shrugged at her with an unapologetic grin. As the answers came out, it was obvious that there was, perhaps, no really good selection. She made 'I'm watching you' fingers at both Kem and Alfarinn, and grinned at Pak.


"At your age, you and any human makes you a cougar."

Then she addressed the terrible question at hand. "I think Rocket is just misunderstood. I'd marry him, fuck Peter Parker, and I guess that leaves poor Mantis for dead. But I want to voice a formal complaint, that was a horrible choice with no good answer at all."

She glared at Rowan in mock indignation. "And how would you do it?"

Rowan enjoyed the chaos his question caused. He'd intentionally chosen the anthropomorphic raccoon that would remind everyone of Shawe, along with possibly two of the more innocent characters.


His smile didn't fade at the answers, and he did join in in ribbing Eiryk. But when the turns came back around to him, he joined his old friend's team.


"No way I'm missing out on the chance to fuck Rocket. Come on, that's just freaky. And he's awesome. Warmongering tendencies aside he's not a bad guy. People can do bad things and still be good people. Like, pirates, and all."

He added, "I'd marry Peter Parker because unlike some, I like the idea of ready-to-go bondage gear. So I guess that leaves killing Mantis, for not other reason than I find her the least interesting of the three, carnally speaking."

Rowan leaned against Cris this time, rolling his head on his husband's shoulder to look up at him. "I believe it's your turn to pick our poison. Do your worst, love."

Cris shook his head at Alfarinn. "And you call yourself an animal lover."

"Birds, just birds." His friend smiled. "I am pretty fond of one in particular." Cris smiled a little sadly at Alfarinn. Thaddeus was away again. He knew that the two of them were bonded but that still had to be very difficult.

Rowan answered the question and mentioned ready made bondage gear and Cris couldn't help but snort softly in response. He could hope that no one but Rowan noticed but in a group of vampires that was an impossible dream.

It was now his turn and since everyone hated Rowan's choices and refused to let his partner pick again, he had to make them count because it was doubtful that the game would get back to him again.

"Okay." He folded his fingers together and then stretched his joined hands outward, cracking his knuckles. "Your choices are Thanos, Groot and the Hulk."

Alex reached under the table to slip his hand into Eiryk's. Alfarinn's sad expression wasn't lost on him. He knew his Creator missed his partner and he wished he could help. Sometimes he felt like he did, and other times it felt like nothing could.

He also heard Cris's soft snort but all he did was offer the pair a little smirk. Rowan had very few secrets, but Alex had always wondered how many of his more fantastical stories were made up and how many were actually real. He was pretty sure a lot of Rue's kinkier suggestions to him, when prompted by an insecure Alex, were actually based on truth.

Then again, he couldn't see Cris actually utilizing a rubber chicken the way Rowan had described. So maybe Alex was just gullible.


The question seemed to get better, until Alex realized that the obvious 'kill' choice, Thanos, left him with two equally unappealing 'marry' or 'fuck' options.

He made a face at Cris. "Holy shit, you two clearly spend way too much time together."

He grimaced. "I'm assuming you mean Hulk is all hulked out, or you would have said Banner. So assuming I wouldn't survive a fuck with either him or Thanos, I'm guessing pure survival means I fuck Groot and hope for minimal splinters."

Pondering his remaining options he shook his head. "Either of the remaining two options seems like I'm trapped in an abusive relationship forever. I can't believe I'm saying this but Thanos at least seems to be coherent and sometimes rational? So... uh. Marry Thanos and kill Hulk."

Did he actually just say that? Maybe he needed some of that alcohol-laced coffee.

Well thank God he'd been let back in the club. Eiryk was pretty sure he'd paid his dues and had the scars to prove it.

"If Pak is a cougar I think that makes some of us here saber toothed tigers.”

Eiryk laughed. He wasn't sure who exactly he was teasing but he knew there were some serious age gaps at the table.

He was a little shocked Kem was willing to assassinate Rocket when Aishe was sitting right there, but when the man explained his reasons Eiryk had to laugh. He was suddenly very glad they only has the one vixen to deal with. As much as he loved Thora one trouble making critter was more than enough.

Oh good Rowan came down on his side about Rocket. He wasn't going to be the only one here was taking that as some kind of warped moral victory and letting the topic die, although he did roll his eyes at his old friend for the pirate comments.

And then Cris struck.

"You know I'm starting to miss Batman and Superman.”

Without thinking about Eiryk intertwined his fingers with Alex' making sure Alex could feel the wedding band he wore. Yes he was one of the saber toothed tigers and he loved it.

He laughed at Alex' reasoning, it really wasn't bad, until he realized it was his turn.

"If I'm going to kill one comic book villain I'm going to kill two... so kill Thanos, even though you could at least make a boat out of Groot.”

He shook his head sadly mourning the lack of a Groot boat.

"After that you have to fuck Hulk and if you come out alive marry Groot.”

Eiryk nodded decisively. Actually that one wasn't so bad once you sorted out who to kill.

Alfarinn laughed at the sabertooth tiger comment. His partner was a vampire and that label still applied to him. It applied to everyone at the table except for Cris and Rowan who were fairly close in age, for those of their race anyway.

Looking at Alex, he shook his head and smiled. "Actually Cris didn't stipulate that it couldn't be Banner. I would definitely exploit that loophole."

He thought about the awful choices that his Chief of Security had put forth to the group. "I don't think my answers would change either way. I would definitely kill Thanos so the choices are fuck the potentially angry green guy or the tree. Marrying Groot doesn't leave you with the best conversationalist for a" Alfarinn gestured to himself and then everyone seated at the table. "long life of companionship...but I am able to bond with my marriage partner so I would have no troubles understanding the finer points of what Groot was trying to say. Groot is a better long term partner than someone with anger issues because even in Banner found the cure and could change when he wanted he clearly has a lot of rage in there." Shrugging, Alfarinn took a sip of his drink and gave Cris a smug smile. Worst given and conquered. Next.

He looked at Pak. This should be interesting.